Teenagers - duh!

[shambles]

ok it's late but I am at the end of my maternal tether and drinking gallons of red wine to cope.

big big row tonight with Daisy - over 'is it important to keep an eye on the news and general worldwide events or Bam's wedding?'.

I like to think that I am an understanding young mum (36 V 14) but I can't take anymore.

Not only do I have to endure a letter from Daisy's headmaster complaining about 'concerns regarding general attitude' but I am further informed by Daisy that her teachers are 'dumbfucks'.(apologies).

So..if there is anyone on this forum with a child beyond pram, nursery, primary and most of all - love towards parents age stage - let me know.

won't hold my breath...

[spymum]

Poor Shambles!

Mine are not there yet, but I can see the signs! The writing is on the wall - mini moods, scowls and irritated shrugs are now part of the repertoire.

Having watched my friends and their daughters it all seems to get better around fourteen/fifteen so don't despair! A quick walk around the garden and a (very) large glass of red wine (any wine really!!) will see you through!

And you can always vent to me! My eldest rivals Victor Meldrew when he really gets going!

Hope you are feeling better, and things are better today.

spymum

(Blog: Posh Mum)

[Michael Palaeologus]

Not a parent, but my parents were both teachers and I have innumerable Godsprogs.

What you describe does sound horribly normal for a 14 year old. The school letter sounds like it should be a round-robin letter to the parents of most teenagers. To a 14 year old most adults are indeed Dumb-f*cks as we of course completely unable to understand what they are going through as we are all ancient fossils.

I read an article that was describing the massive changes that the brains and bodies of teenagers are going through. It described how the transformation was similar to a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. The resulting tendency to get stroppy, sleep alot and be apain to be with is perfectly natural - albeit a pain.

[blinder999]

Hi Shambles

Have you read the Saturday Guardian column 'Living With Teenagers'? The life of the poor mother who writes it sounds hellish, but I feel it's preparing me for what I may have to put up with in a few years' time. You can read old episodes online (see archive links at the bottom of the following page). Clearly, you're not alone.

Guardian - living with teenagers

[*Bob*]

Hmmm. Call me only-fashioned, but I don't see the teenagers in "Living With Teenagers" as something to 'be prepared for': they're more something that can be avoided with better parenting.

[Raphael]

You have all my sympathy.

I'm also 36, with an almost 14 teenage daughter.

And seen a few of those letters. (ok got some nice ones too)

And already had a *few* years of teenage attitude.

I sometimes console myself with the thought that an early beginning might also mean an early end (of adolescent behaviour) but then I remember there's another two following behind :)

[at the moment I'm pre-empting: before she gives me *the look* and goes "whaaat??" I do it to her, it's turned into a little funny game]

Oh BTW : Hi people, I'm new to this forum (1st post!) I'm Raphael and live off North Cross Rd with my lovely wife and two soon to be three daughters.

[shambles]

better parenting? please explain. I have tried sympathy, empathy, understanding, listening, talking, irritation, disappointment, concern, anger.........the whole shebang. What on earth do you mean Mr Bob? Do you have experience of teenagers? If so please explain how one might become a 'better parent'.

ps. Raphael..so good to know there are others out there who share my pain!! Good advice..must try it.

pps. Blinder999 - love the articles!!

[blinder999]

They're great, aren't they? Best thing in the paper! Though the kids do usually come across as utterly vile...

I just noticed the archive links aren't actually on that page, but they are at the bottom of this page for some reason:

Episode 29

[*Bob*]

Shambles,

I was commenting on "Living With Teenagers" not on you and yours. I have plenty of experience of teenagers (have been one) and I expect mine to be no different. Despite being constantly told that TEENAGERS TODAY ARE DIFFERENT! all I see is the same old stuff as I remember (sulks, booze, moods, drugs, lying, disobedience, shouting etc etc I'm sure I don't need to go on)

But if I ever reach the point of my young teenage children happily telling myself and their Mother to "F*** Off" as often as they please with impunity (a la 'L.W.Teens'), then I shall know something has gone seriously wrong.

[shambles]

oooh - wouldn't raise your expectations too much Bob! It's gut-wrenching stuff when your lovely child tells you to f**k off. At least Daisy apologised when she said it to me - but even so - was shocked!! Not convinced about it being to do with parenting skills - probably more to do with a raging hunger for independance and freedom. AKA - 'gawd can't wait to be able to make my own decisions' etc etc

Anyway - thanks forum friends - I do feel much better today about it all...appreciate the comments.

[mockney piers]

Sadly when I made my bid for freedom as a surly teen I suddenly found myself with a job in all my spare hours.

A real eye-opener that one and an own goal for teenage piersy.

Daisy could swap lives with me for a bit if you like. You can cook and clean for me and she can sit in an office for 40 hours a week writing dull code to facilitate evil sales people even duller lot.

She'll be ringing the doorbell and sweet as pie in no time I'm sure ;)

[shambles]

great suggestion MP lol...I have been meaning to look into a summer job for Daisy. Currently thinking a stint frying greasy McDonald's burgers or a stimulating spell in a supermarket might make her think twice about her lack of effort at school. Does anyone know what the law says re 14 year olds and work? I worked in the pick & mix dept of Woolworths at that age - used to get ?6 for a Saturday morning - and free sweets!!

[mockney piers]

Six quid? You lucky thing! I got 4 pounds for my morning's work at Fairhaven Wholefoods, weighing out figs and sultanas.

I think I was 16 before I was allowed to work the whole saturday in a hi-fi shop, but could have been 15. Too long ago to remember.

[*Bob*]

Is chimney-sweeping still a viable occupation for young teens? Or a factory job which entails cleaning dangerously fast-moving machine parts?

If it wasn't for those bloody EU laws..

[Chartwell]

Hi Shambles

The law prohibits the employment of children under the age of 14 (Children Act 1972, section 1(1)) other than where the child is an employee of his or her parent or guardian and is performing light agricultural or horticultural work [do you have any hay that needs harvesting??] on an occasional basis. In this latter case, a child of 13 may be employed. 'Light work' in this context is defined as work that will not jeopardise a child's safety, health or development, nor be harmful to the child's attendance at school or participation in work experience.

However, children in their last year of compulsory schooling may undertake work experience as part of their education provided that the employment is approved by the local education authority (Education (Work Experience) Act 1973 as amended by the Employment Act 1990, section 14).

Generally there is guidance on the employment of young people over the age of 16. Am happy to post this if you are interested...

[spymum]

Eeek!

Thanks for posting the link Blinder99; my hair has turned grey with fear - is this what I have to look forward to? I shall emigrate to Argentina on eldest's thirteenth birthday!

Very well written but deeply scary! Those kids could probably do with a day's hay baling. On balance, make it a week!!

Hang in there Shambles!

spymum

(Blog: Posh Mum)

[Michael Palaeologus]

Does Daisy-Shambles know that she is the subject of public debate? Cant help thinking that if she found out there would be a teenage hissy fit of apocalyptic proportions. Small mushroom cloud hovering over ED type of thing.

[mockney piers]

Perhaps you could change the names to protect the innocent.

Sooo about your 'friend' Hamble, and her moody teenage daughter Buttercup?

[shambles]

she's too busy sleeping to know that anything is happening in the world right now! she's on easter hols and believes that it is her 'right' to stay in bed for as long as she likes. but don't fear - i am off work today and shall soon be making moves to wake her up. as a result you can expect a mushroom cloud of hiroshima proportions over ED within the next half hour!

[Keef]

Be sure to log-off first ;-)

[shambles]

noted!!