Is this it?

[Tony.London Suburbs]

HonaloochieB Wrote:

Tony.London Suburbs Wrote:

HonaloochieB Wrote: I recall falling into conversation once with a couple of people who told me that the only certainties in life are death and taxis.

Leave It Right Out! THAT was always my lil joke!(6) Plagirism is rife. I simply MUST have been the first living person to have thought of that...B)

I'd like to think of it as great minds thinking alike TLS. Definitely not fools seldom differing.

Nosiree Jack.

Precisement!(tu)

Just that I feel one of my punchy,twitchy moods coming on when I see things like this.

I already have had to contend with "El Tel" Terry(Mr.TV)Venables plagirising MY "When in doubt, leave it out!" and worse still every comical clown nicking MY creation = "Fantabulous" i.e an amalgam of Fantastic and Fabulous when I was saying that in my School playground in '68 and I DEFINITELY didn't consciously or Sub-Consciously hear it from anyone else!

Definitely Not!....and now this!:X

Its tooo much for one lifetime.(6)

[VeryBerryCherry]

Jah Lush Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Everyone should believe in something and I believe

> I'll have another drink.

Yeah I like the idea of the Egyptians, living beyond death.

So I have started the mummyfication process every night and I use a potent cocktail of chemicals: gin, rum, vodka, wine, or whatever there is to hand.

[Jeremy]

Tony.London Suburbs Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Remember:Every 24 hours is a deposit God makes

> into the bank account of your life to see what you

> will do with it.....

I can't work out if this is a piss-take... it sounds like the kind of thing I'd say ironically, but it also sounds like the kind of thing certain people might say in all seriousness.

[Brendan]

That?s seriously ironic man.

[HonaloochieB]

Presumably God keeps making deposits until you go to that great credit crunch in the sky.

[mockney piers]

What happens when God spills his deposits on stony ground? Snowmen?

[Keef]

If rain is God crying for us, is a tsunami God sneezing?

[Keef]

Oh, and if God sneezes, would I be getting above my station in saying "bless you"?

[HonaloochieB]

I'd play it safe with a 'Gesundheit', Keef.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Jeremy Wrote:

Tony.London Suburbs Wrote:

Remember:Every 24 hours is a deposit God makes into the bank account of your life to see what you

> > will do with it

> I can't work out if this is a piss-take... it sounds like the kind of thing I'd say ironically, but it also sounds like the kind of thing certain people might say in all seriousness.

Me, neither...and I wrote it(!)

[Jeremy]

If God sneezes, cries, or "spills his deposits", why would it necessarily land on Earth rather than one of the billions of other planets in the universe? And why don't his heavenly liquids evaporate when entering the Earth's atmosphere?

[mockney piers]

We are all so going to hell!! ;-P

[Keef]

I'm sure they hit other planets too Jeremy, but s/he has a lot on his/her plate, and cries a lot due to the stress (must be the her part of him/her).

*Gets struck by frying pan shaped lightning bolt*

[capt_birdseye]

Lovely vignettes from the Daily Mash:

"We don't expect everyone to become a regular churchgoer, but it would be nice if you could turn up from time to time and humour us while we go through our voodoo nonsense."

and

"Charlie Reeves, who was married in a village church last month, said: "It was lovely. There was even a moment, with the choir singing and the sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows when I pondered the concept of a supreme being, and then I thought, 'nah, it's all bollocks - I wonder what time I'll be getting my end away'.""

[Brendan]

The ancient Egyptians had a good idea. You could only get into the afterlife if you were properly mummified. If however you weren?t mummified you just kinda stopped existing after you died. So it was all very democratic. You had a choice of whether or not you wanted to participate in the whole afterlife thing.

[Keef]

Yeah but typically the rich were better off and could even take their riches with them so as to continue the class war in the afterlife.

Also, "bad" people would surely have chosen to not bother, being that the alternative was being eaten by a crocadile headed God (if my memory serves).

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Wow Keef, reincarnation does exist!

[Keef]

I know, I used to be [John] Willem van Otterloo, conductor/composer (Symphonic), who died on the day of my birth aged 70. We even have similar last names.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Keef Wrote:

I know, I used to be Willem van Otterloo,

We even have similar last names.

What Waterloo, Keef?

Keef Waterloo- Yeah! it could work...:))

[JimmyD]

Porterloo?

[PeckhamRose]

Andy Partridge of XTC. Bless him. He wrote in a song,

"Darling, don't you ever sit and ponder,

about the building of the hills a yonder?

Where we're going in this verdant spiral?

Who's pushing the pedals on the season's cycle?

I really get confused on who would make all this in a day.

Everybody says join our religion get to Heaven

I say no thanks why bless my soul

I'm already there!"

But for me, having worked in a funeral directors and seen a lot of deceased people, sorry if I upset anyone but I've seen the crazy things people do to their deceased relatives in the name of religion. We're meat. The animals know it and would have us if we were in the desert or in the forest. And we're certainly more useful as their dinner. But to discuss "soul", oh who knows. I'm not counting on it.

[David Mc]

Have a gander at some of the opinions expressed here!! Though it might be better off in the jokes section....

http://www.freethoughtpedia.com/wiki/Funny_theist_quotes

[VeryBerryCherry]

PeckhamRose Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Everybody says join our religion get to Heaven

> I say no thanks why bless my soul

> I'm already there!"

>

> But for me, having worked in a funeral directors

> and seen a lot of deceased people, sorry if I

> upset anyone but I've seen the crazy things people

> do to their deceased relatives in the name of

> religion. We're meat. The animals know it and

> would have us if we were in the desert or in the

> forest. And we're certainly more useful as their

> dinner. But to discuss "soul", oh who knows. I'm

> not counting on it.

I think that it is incredibly scary letting go of the idea of life after death, particularly personally coming from a Catholic upbringing.

However, I think it's also the most liberating thing you can do. It's almost impossible to grasp, I won't deny that the thought of there being a point when I am not a part of this world, scares the living bejesus out of me. The best thing to do is to not to think about it - after all, you won't when you're dead. The person who your death affects least is you!

Then you can really appreciate the world and it's beauty (and ugliness) for what it is. Not waiting around till something "better" comes along, or swotting form some Afterlife A-level.

[VeryBerryCherry]

David Mc Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Have a gander at some of the opinions expressed

> here!! Though it might be better off in the jokes

> section....

>

> http://www.freethoughtpedia.com/wiki/Funny_theist_

> quotes

Oh my LORD!!!

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn. Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door. What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth. Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son [Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]

Betty, Unidiversal [2006-Dec-10]

[Moos]

Yeah. The last line gives it away, doesn't it?