Xmas Hah! Welcome to Bar Humbug

[Jah Lush]

Carol singers. Bollocks! Which one's Carol? I'll ring her bloody neck. Go on feck off the lot of yer.

[jumpinjackflash]

Honaloochie your consecutive christmas carol posts above have really made me laugh!

[jumpinjackflash]

If Cliff Richard was a chav...

"Christmas time, stealing cars and crime;

Children playing in filth and grime;

With cars on fire, and trainees under tree,

Time to rejoice in being chavvy.

It's a time for thieving, a time for receiving

Knocked-off gear, what a great feeling.

Why pay top dollar, ye can nick it for free

Just like leck-tricity gas and TV.

Christmas time, booze-ups all the time,

Nicking ciggies, sprits and wine

Wearing shell-suits and nikeees, all stolen gear;

It's great getting drunk on someone else's beer.

A time for drinking six pints of Stella

That you got from some dodgy fella.

Christmas is champion, Christmas is best;

God bless Millwall and the DHSS.

(Up a key)

Christmas time, time to joyride,

Then go and visit family inside,

With Dad on a six-stretch and Sis up the duff

This time of year can get pretty rough"

[HonaloochieB]

Nice JJF. The spirit of Mad magazine lives on.

[RosieH]

"Pull my cracker, let me be the silver star upon your tree."

No Paul, I will not pull your cracker. No one will pull your cracker again. Now go to jail.

[HonaloochieB]

So the 'big' day's here at last. Bugger.

[HonaloochieB]

It's that time of year again. SH!TBUCKETS.

[dulwichmum]

RosieH Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> "Pull my cracker, let me be the silver star upon

> your tree."

>

> No Paul, I will not pull your cracker. No one

> will pull your cracker again. Now go to jail.

I just read the words of the immortal RosieH. OHMYGOD! Hilarious.

[HonaloochieB]

Are you laughing uproariously, DM?

I'll let you off with a warning this time but in future it could be a barring.

Only bitter cynical chuckles allowed in here.

Anyone wanting 'jolly' can take their suffering selves off to that place up the road run by that insufferable merriment junkie and his jackanape mates.

God I need a drink.

[dulwichmum]

Am I not permitted to titter at all?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Titter ye not.

[well someone had to say it]

[HonaloochieB]

The sentiment is fine PGC, but Frankie Howerd was a little 'light' for this establishment.

We're more Sadowitz/Kinison sorts round here.

[Ted Max]

Christians, awake, salute the happy morn

Whereon the saviour of the world was born.

Like, it's not enough to just lie asleep and be saved? I've been on it for a fortnight solid by Christmas morn, I needs my sleep. And I ain't saluting no Saviour, sorry, but that's just how I am. I didn't arks to be saved.

[HonaloochieB]

Quite. If I was to go round insisting everyone celebrate my birthday with me I'd be branded a thoroughgoing nuisance.

Get yourself of virgin born (yeah) in a stable (right) and have your birth heralded by an arch angel (blood and sand) and every bugger insists on you wearing a new jumper and ruining your digestion for a week.

Where's the justice?

Where?

[Ted Max]

Justice is to be found pissing it all away up against a wall of human souls, Hona, along with Peace, Hope, and Fraternity.

Although the Black Eyed Peas are still engaged in locating the whereabouts of the Love, so there may be some good news from those parts.

[HonaloochieB]

The first part of your post is going to be in placed in a prominent spot in the Humbug, Ted.

It's dual purpose inasmuch as it sums up the 'vibe' of the place succinctly and also being framed and mounted behind the bar will put me in mind of our former barmaid Lois and that extortion/sex scandal.

[Muley]

Nevermind the dubious theological aspect of the 'festive' season, now my six year old has been told she's playing a sheep in the school nativity play. Not Mary or even an angel, but a feckin' sheep! What'll that do for her self esteem, eh? How much will that cost me in counselling sessions when the resulting confidence and self-worth issues kick in?

Bah feckin' Humbug with bells on!

[dulwichmum]

Muley dear heart, count yourself lucky, my darling son and heir is playing Cinderella (stomps foot). Have you any idea how much we pay for this damn privelidge?

That school will be the ruination of my family. Just last Saturday he insisted on watching "Strictly", because "all the other boys watch it" OHMYGOD!

[Muley]

Nevermind DM, if the pernicious influence of an expensive education means your little prince becomes a queen then at least you have the comfort of knowing that apparently they're always very good to their dear old Mums.

As for my little sheep, I simply must compensate by spending ?60 on an arctic fur throw for her costume.

Baa humbug!

[HonaloochieB]

It might snow. Words fail me. It's bad enough having to put up with c@nts. But c@nts in wellingtons?

Ask if 'it's OK to use the 'loo'' Just f@cking ask.

[HonaloochieB]

There's everyone here. I just checked, they're all c@nts.

They won't be addin' sh!t to yo sh!t, so why you be buggin', fool?

I can only assume that you be one ugly-assed retaaarded m@therf@cker. MaggotFarmer.

[daizie]

::o LOL

[computedshorty]

?

[charliecharlie]

all those fcuking shoppers rushing to buying a load more shite... are they even stopping to think for just one second about those less fortunate that themselves... like fcuk they are!!!!

Huge increase in number of London's homeless... http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/node/7892

get off your arses and do something that really counts... put you hands in you pockets for something life changing...

http://www.choirwithnoname.org/images/site/logo.png

The Choir with No Name is made up of homeless people and of other men and women from the very edges of our society. We're a diverse bunch of people; male and female, black and white, big and small, young and er, not quite as young, up and down...

We sing pop, rock, soul, gospel, reggae, musicals.. you name it, we'll give it a go.. although we've yet to try any thrash metal or grime. We rehearse once a week (with a decent dinner at the end of rehearsal!) and we perform in London regularly. We were founded on the premise that singing makes you feel good; it distracts you from all the nonsense in life and helps you to build up your confidence and abilities.

http://www.choirwithnoname.org/index.php

[HonaloochieB]

computedshorty Wrote:

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> Sod off! Thats what I said to the bloke who

> knocked at the door and asked if I would be

> interested in playing Santa Claus for Christmas at

> the new Sainsburys.

Sainsburys? Santa Claus? Sod off?

Boxes ticked.

The Humbug just got itself one new regular.