Newborn: If he's not eating or sleeping he's crying. We're losing the plot quickly!!

[MrsD]

This brings back memories!

Not sure if you have tried a dummy but it really helped with our daughter. We were adamant we weren't going to use one before she was born but after ten days of constant crying (except when eating or sleeping) we gave in and never looked back!

Agree with the suggestion of splitting shifts in the meantime - and when it's your time off do whatever you can to get some decent sleep, spare room, ear plugs etc... I wish we had done this sooner but we struggled on for ages thinking we were supporting each other by facing the night shifts together.

It does get better! Best of luck x

[EG]

Well, it all became a bit too much last night, non stop high pitched crying and screaming, his little body was stiff as a board and our nerves were shot. So we decided to take him to the A&E and forgo the GP appointment scheduled for today. We got there for midnight and waited the standard millennium, but we figured we would either be sleepless at home or sleepless at the hospital so it didn't really matter and we might get some answers at the hospital. The Paediatrician looked him over and decided that doing some blood tests to rule out any infection would be a good idea, we reluctantly agreed and waited for the results. While we were waiting our little guy proceeded to let out a Vesuvius like belch and spit up event that not only covered half of my wife but the entirety of himself as well. The collective relief the three of us felt after that must have reverberated around the planet (Did you feel it?)! He must have had all of that stuck inside his little belly for days, needless to say he is a completely different baby and is back to chilling out listening to afrobeat records with his ageing hipster parents.

Thankfully the GP discharge summary specifically stated that reflux is a definite possibility should his symptoms continue and should be dully investigated. So I'd say that was a win towards a possible diagnosis should we go through all of this again, God forbid.

I am really amazed and impressed with the outpouring of support that came flowing back at us from all of you on this here forum. It certainly tops my previous experiences of searching through used Ikea furniture and "shabby chic" lamps and kitchenware. In all seriousness all of your input, experiences and advice were an invaluable help, if not in directly solving the issue, but by bringing us back down to earth and realising we are all in this together. So thank you.

[bawdy-nan]

Hello - really feel for you. It's exhausting and upsetting. When my eldest was 3 weeks she began crying for what seemed like endless hours (all afternoon and early evening) and nothing seemed to be wrong and I could do nothing to fix it. I found walking with her in a sling or walking with her in a pram helped a lot. Not sure if it helped with the crying but being out of the house and in the air helped me. My husband seemed to have a way with the burping - don't know if it was just steady big hands or a special technique.

My husband, who had had children before, told me at the time that I should try not to worry too much because this would only happen for about 3 months.

3 months!

He meant this kindly but when he said it I was in despair. He was right.

Now I see why he said it. Things change, time passes, you will endure it and get through it and 3 months will feel like a short time. It doesn't whilst you're in it.

I investigated all kinds of things - cranial oesteopathy, baby massage, singing, swaddling, taking baths together (that helped quite a lot) and wondered about reflux. None of them seemed to work especially and that feeling of not being able to "solve" the problem is really hard especially at a time when you and your world and your relationship with each other has changed.

I promise you that it does get easier and there will be a time when you don't feel like what you really want is a massive pint of sleep.

Good luck.

[Convex]

Great news! Hope you all got some sleep after that.

[MoysieC]

If you can, I would suggest trying to space out the feeds to every 3 or 4 hours as I had this problem with my second and had got into a pattern of over feeding - by using feeding as a way to comfort and stop the crying! Babies only need to demand feed for first couple of weeks (to establish a milk supply), providing they're putting on weight of course. By constantly feeding, they don't get a chance to digest the previous milk before snacking again & it makes things worse. Dare I say it Gina Ford has a useful couple of pages on this!

[bonaome]

Our daughter screamed her head off for the first three months. Then it suddenly stopped.

- investigate all the possible underlying causes, even if it's nothing to do with any of them, at least you'll know that you did all you could

- swaddling helped ours calm down enough to get her to sleep

- we found pushing her round the streets / park shut her up - but only when the buggy was moving, and only if it was moving quickly enough!! I used to shove her in the buggy, put my iPod on and set off for hours at a stretch!

- take time out wherever you possibly can and do "shift" parenting ie do 2 hrs on, 2 hrs off - and when it's not your shift, get out/away from the screaming (never ever be late to take over your shift).

- rope in any friends/relatives you have who can help. Accept the help and support, don't keep people out. Doesn't matter if they're not parents etc. as long as willing to help

- don't worry about bonding. Your son isn't moving out anytime soon; you've got the next few decades to know him and build a relationship. It is indeed a slow burn and whilst he's totes amazballs to you right now, at three weeks he's mainly a very elaborate tube in which milk goes in and crap comes out.

- and stop worrying. It's not 'normal' but by no means unusual, unlikely to be your fault, probably not much you can do about it and will certainly pass long before your son really starts to become a personality you can truly get to know and love

[treehugger]

Just wanted to add my support. I had exactly this with our first. after two weeks of straightforward parenting, it all seemed to go wrong. I remember thinking "when good babies turn bad". He would cry and cry, fed constantly, would not be put down to sleep and woke every few hours. I remember being in Babies r Us and hearing a woman boast that her new born slept through the night. I have never felt so strongly like hitting someone. I got home to find my mother in pieces as baby had screamed so much he was covered in red blotches. A very good friend said to me, on my birthday, when he was four weeks old, that it would all be much better at three months. I went to have a bath and sobbed my heart out, wondering what on earth we had done do deserve it and feeling like I just wouldn't be able to get through it. Lots of Infacol, carrying him in a sling and singing in a low voice with continual rocking and eventually a dummy worked. He also seemed much better with my husband and my father, who seemed to panic less and perhaps were just bigger and more reassuring. And it was OK in the end and number 2 was completely different. It was during those months that I came to have so much respect for mothers everywhere, women in the past I hadn't even noticed. Good luck - you WILL get there.

[susyp]

yes to treehugger's feeling of wanting to hit people who boast about babies sleeping through the night! arg.

another thing that helped me and which i should have done much more of (but i was so determined to do it "right" that I carried on persisting with naps in cot / pushchair) was putting her in a sling for much of the day - obviously helps with colic and she would sleep / be quite happy the entire time , never cried at all in it. i used to do all my shopping this this way - and eat my meals - and do the washing up !

If i were to do it again i would just keep her in that the entire time until she was weaned and not bother with a pushchair until over 6 months! It's lovely having a baby strapped up to you as well - all warm and smelling delicious - then you realise why being a parent is good (not so much when they are screaming in pain for hours in the night).

susypx

[AnyaJoeli]

Hello, I haven't read everyone else's posts so apologies if this is repeating someones advice , but I really feel for you as I had exactly the same with my son, he slept for maybe 9 hours in every 24 (ie short naps not 9-hours straight!)when a newborn should apparently sleep for up to 18 hours, and when he wasn't sleeping he was screaming, he used to scream while feeding too so that was fun. I actually called nhs direct once as he hadng stopped crying for over 4 hours.

It's not "normal" because in my experience it's unusual - mine was the only newborn in my experience then and since who didn't sleep most of the day relatively calmly.

For mine: he had a very traumatic birth and was on antibiotics and in hospital for days after birth and was a very low birth weight. He (and I) struggled hugely with breastfeeding but i persisted partly due to external pressure, and breadtfed exclusively for 6 weeks through the crying. After 6 weeks it was found he wasn't thriving. So he'd basically been crying as he was starving hungry the poor thing.

Check with a lactation consultant that there's no tongue tie or other issues. Take him to a cranial osteopath, I took mine after 6 weeks and she immediately asked me (with no prior knowledge) if he had not been breathing when he was born. He hadn't: it turns out as he hadn't taken that first breath but was resuscitated he had all sorts of pain and tension in his neck and spine which possibly caused him constant pain: another possible cause for crying. Three trips to the cranial Osteo seemed to make a real difference. Quite pricey but totally worth it in my view.

Mine also wouldn't lie down on his back so probably suffered from reflux although it was never diagnosed.

For me, I took to using kangaroo care for my sanity, after 6 weeks I surrendered to it and decided not to try and be like the other mums in my nct who had calm babies sleeping in buggies or cots, and had him in a wrap sling pretty much constantly during the day and it meant he calmed and slept and I began to feel a bit less stressed (your stress and exhaustion inevitably rubs off on them to complete a vicious circle).

The sling particularly saved my life I think. Mine was an extreme fretful baby in my experience, but they do happen so it is normal. I thought dr sears "fussy baby book" really really helped me, especially to realise that sometimes it's ok to be "different" from those peaceful newborns rather than feel jealous about it.

Have you called cry-sis? I never did but looking back wish I had.

Feel for you, it's tough but this too shall pass!

[AnyaJoeli]

Susyp sorry to repeat your post ha ha. Totally with you on wanting to punch others talking about their sleeping babies...it does have an effect on your wellbeing and sanity.

Sling all the way. It works like a miracle. Remember it's the 4th trimester. Some babies weren't born to be gina-ed, they're all different and it's a steep learning curve so you sometimes have to reject the "should be" feelings and go with what works for your peace and sanity.

[AnyaJoeli]

Treehugger mine also used to cry to the point of getting a stress rash all over...it was really awful. I remember going to the gp to ask about it (and cry for help about everything) and he told me to try and get a picture of the rash. So the next time it happened we rather comically were trying to photograph our distraught baby crying himself into oblivion trying to capture it on our iPhone....

Really difficult testing times. They do pass though. The hours of crying are a distant memory. Shudder. I'm now expecting my second and bracing myself for it happening all over again...!

[VanessaPMR]

Hi EG,

Two things:

1- My son was only happy when continuously on the breast at that age. So it's where I put him. I slathered loads of nipple cream on to help with friction pain. I learnt to co-sleep with him, I learnt to stop feeling embarassed walking down the street with a baby always on the boob... basically I got sleep and calm by putting a nipple in his mouth. He was super happy, I was thrilled he wasnt crying..

2- Get someone to bring him for a walk while you guys sleep, rest, listen to something else than crying for a bit.

good luck!

[bluesuperted]

Sorry also have only had chance to skim read but I suspect tongue tie too - highly recommend Katie Fisher lactation consultant who has helped several friends immensely. You sound like you're doing a great job. Sorry it's so hard for you all!

[bluesuperted]

Also I totally agree with Vanessa's point 1 - linked to checking for tongue tie. The constant boob stage does pass and is exhausting so feeding and watering your wife will be a key duty for weeks to come!

[AnyaJoeli]

Oh and sorry another post from me: in terms of the "magic three months"...it probably will, but don't set your heart on it. I did, and because my little man was quite impressively fretful he was nowhere near out of the woods at 3 months and because I had hoped it would magically get better I really struggled dealing with it, especially as friends' babies were sleeping through and all sorts by then, whereas mine was still crying every hour through the night.

Look after each other, rely on friends and accept all offers of help, don't compare your baby to any others, realise that this too shall pass, and savour and notice each and every sweet spot that happens to get you through the tunnel.

I have to say that although my little one was a screaming little nightmare, I was lucky that it didn't seem to affect my bonding with him ( possibly because of the kangaroo care and having him snoozing in the sling on me made me fully appreciate those calm blissful moments amongst the fretful ones), but as has been said before, this time is short although it feels like an eternity while you're in the thick of it. You have a lifetime to bond and strengthen your love and affection for him. He will no doubt emerge soon, as mine eventually did after 4-plus months, into a really fun and loving, thriving (hopefully sleeping) and happy baby.

[Sads1]

First of all, well done you guys for being devoted parents, and for asking for help.

Totally agree with those who have suggested slings and everything else. Be careful with the tongue diagnosis, it's not always the answer.

Can I add one more suggestion if baby is struggling with wind? I know it sounds a bit yoghurt weaver but there are some amazing baby massage techniques which are specifically designed to get wind out of babies and can be used every time you change a nappy, have a quiet mo, post feed to help baby clear all that trapped wind. They and you might just feel wonderful as a result. Best ones for our little one were cycling baby's legs, and Sun and moon. Sure you can find them on the internet if you can't get to a class yet.

Good luck. It will change eventually. We all promise.

X

[Fabhat]

Sympathy to you both - non stop crying of your own baby is awful and so stressful. We had difficulty with our first child (tongue tie/reflux/traumatic-ish birth) and I'd definitely recommend the paediatric osteopathy clinic at Wandsworth or shoreditch. Website is here: http://occ.uk.com. I had friends who told me 6 weeks/9weeks and 12 weeks were when things improved, and I remember counting down the days to 6weeks in desperation. But it WILL get better - take any support you can and I hope things improve soon. Be kind to yourselves too...

[treehugger]

Just reread this thread, and wanted to add something that will probably be of no use to you now, but I know to be true! as a mother of early 20s kids. Of all the phases of my children's lives, including school stresses, teenage years, strops, GCSE traumas, university entrance fears etc etc etc, nothing was as hard as those first few weeks of first baby's life. I realise now that you are thrown in the very deepest end - actually more like from a cruise ship into the roaring atlantic with the flimsiest of life rafts - and when you survive that, everything else (fingers crossed) is soooo easier.

[minimac]

Hi EG - have just read your last post and things sound much better. I haven't read all the replies either (quite a lot!) but for what it's worth if he takes a turn for being upset again perhaps see a cranial osteopath (can highly highly recommend Simon at The Vale Practice). He literally just puts his hands on patient - I had It all through pregnancy no 1 and then he saw my son. It is totally non invasive but my point being that some babies, as a result of their birth, get bad pressure headaches especially if their head plates (not technically put but hope you follow!) don't release or go back properly after the birth. I know of some babies that have been transformed by a calming cranial osteopath treatment.

Hope you're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and enjoy with pride your baby.

[par_avion]

Thanks to everyone for replying. Gaviscon is helping with the reflux part but he still writhes around in apparent terrible gas pain and screams his little head off. We have had more stretches of calm but I certainly don't want to jinx it by claiming we're on the way to being done with it all.

A certain amount of this is due to reflux but who knows... the rest is likely exhaustion creating a vicious cycle and roping in hunger to add to the mix.

Best news we've had is that he is gaining weight bang on schedule despite my worries about supply and his feeding routine. So we have a screamy baby and need to take special precautions to support him through this painful time that we are assured Will End and take on faith that this is true. Serious, grateful thanks for all your support and often amusing words. It's been so helpful.

[sb]

.

[par_avion]

Yes, he's been checked. If he does have it it can't be affecting him much. His tongue isn't flat at the tip or dip in, he can raise it, push it out and waggle it. We wondered about that, too.

[Sol]

http://www.osteopathylondon.co.uk/

This osteopath has helped my kids a lot with sleep problems, reflux, colic; he has also treated me for other problems successfully.