So, how many Dad's are going to take 6 months leave?

[ladywotlunches]

I can' t decide whether or not to get excited about the new plans to let dad's take the 2nd 6 months 'maternity' leave. Part of me thinks, "at last, we won't get passed over at work because we're of childbearing age" but the other part just thinks "dream on!".

I know its only being announced today, but how many of you think that your man will be happy to take time out of their career? And why is its so much more of a 'nightmare' for employers than women taking the year they are entitled to currently (the only reason I can think of is that employers do currently discriminate when employing men over women, and now they won't be able to tell!)

What does everyone think?

[ratty]

I think my wife would kill me for suggesting it!

[ladywotlunches]

Sorry Ratty - just realised my original post was written (unintentionally) for women.

Of course, very interested in Dad's views too!

And will it be an option that Dad's could take the leave even if Mum hasn't gone back to work (as long as she leaves completely/isn't getting the pay) so that the whole family could be together?

[Moos]

I think the complication for employers is that they would have to liaise with another completely unrelated firm to split the maternity / paternity leave - that is, assuming mother and father aren't working for the same company.

I think it would be much better if the dad could take the first 6 months - that's the hard work! The 2nd 6 months is much more fun. I would have been delighted to go to work during the first 6 months and come back for the 2nd, just leaving my milk ducts at home of course...

[womanofdulwich]

I confess I just don't get it- yes to flexible working if possible- to see our darlings in school plays/ assemblies/ parents evening / check ups etc etc. that is when they need your support. but 6-12 months? why then? Who can possibly afford it? hard enough for one career to be put on the back burner- but taking 6 months off with a 6-12 month old will not help fathers career( depends what it is I suppose). it will make him realise what is involved- but will he be doing the cooking cleaning shopping coffee mornings ? probably not because they are so tedious.

Would i resent working while partner stayed at home- ? of course as lots of us are control freaks and want men to do what we would do if we were at home with baby. what if they decided to take 6 months off travelling with baby? i would be beside myself.

[Mellors]

It could work well if the woman is the main breadwinner and wants to go back to work after 6 months but not leave baby in pad childcare.

Given that my OH just had a wobbler at the prospect of looking after the children one day a week whilst I worked, I doubt it will be happening in the Mellors household anytime soon. He's no fool, he knows how hard work it is lol.

[quickbrownfox]

After one day working from home this week my husband decided emphatically that him being a stay at home dad was out of the question (and I like to think he is one of the more enlightened ones!). He was desperate to get back to the calm serenity of work....

Given how few dads make use of their rights to work flexibly/ part-time, (relative to the amount of women who work part-time), I think it's a safe bet that take up will be very low.

[ryedalema]

I have to say I'm a bit cynical about this paternal baby break inititative ever getting to see the light of day. The Government's got to claw back so much money at the moment can they afford to pay out any money to get dad's at home? I'm worried about getting my 'healthy in preggers' money (wasn't around when my first daughter was on the way) and that's only a week away.

[njc97]

Well I think it's a great idea, but I just took 3 months off work to be a stay at home dad (to a now 11 month year old).

[Keef]

What ratty said.

[iaineasy]

I will definatley be taking as much time as I can off in the second six months because more than anything else I want to be with my little girl,being selfemployed helps but also I want My missus to finish her Phd and being home is the best way for me to support her. I think it's a good idea if mum is the main breadwinner.................eek I'km breaking out into a cold sweat with all of this talk 3 months till d-day for me and it seems to be rushing along.

[Keef]

I was very lucky in the first 3 months to be doing a job that basically involved very little hours, so got to be at home so much. It made it horrible when I changed contract and had to be 9-5 again though :(

[josiebee]

I've really enjoyed staying at home with my daughter and if at six months my husband had decided he wanted to stay at home and wanted me to go out and work I would have really hated it. I think Harriet Harman's new law increases the pressure on women to go out and work and we are under enough pressure already- both financial and otherwise - Back to the 1950s I say! (with a few qualifications)

[Moos]

Here are some of the qualifications I'd be including, josiebee... ;-)

Key Dates

[????]

I was having a year off with some travelling and 'thinking' when we learned my girl was arriving! So had 6 months at home with her anyway which was great, although strange too as my dad died in same period - which made it a very emotional time, even though we were prepared for my dad's death (cancer).

I missed that time at home when my boy came along. Would think hard about taking 6 months though, not just for financial reasons, but also because works alot easier than looking after a new one on your tod!

[silverfox]

It may be a bit easier to do if the dads work in the public sector (I'm not sure) but surely from an employer's point of view if a dad can take six months off his job the question is is he really required in the first place? - especially in the current climate.

[Moos]

I think the point is that you are legally entitled to do it, ergo your employer will have to work around your absence.

[silverfox]

True Moos, but I know three examples where women who were on maternity leave at the company I work for were replaced before they came back and were simply paid off (probably paid more money than they'd have won through a lengthy legal process and two of them were happy about it post-motherhood). Point is, while hubby's off for six months many things can change, a restructure, others promoted etc, and he may be surplus to requirements. Managing people out is the order coming from the top these days.

[josiebee]

Moos I'll study those dates more carefully later to see which ones I think have been helpful and which haven't. I don't think the women MPs have been helpful at all - whenever the govt wants to do something really awful they get a woman to do it cause she's so bent on improving her career she'll do anything - e.g Tessa Jowell and gambling...also they are driven career minded women - very different from myself and i believe the majority of women - but cause they are women they think they can represent our interests better than men. I don't think they can.

Recently an excellent study by the children's society found that one of the biggest problems for children today is how individualistic society has become - the study is called 'A Good Childhood' - anyway I am sure the women's movement has had a great deal to do with how individualistic everything has become. As women we might have more choice etc but as a society we aren't healthier (lots of very unhappy kids and loads of redundant men committing lots of crime) and I am not really convinced that women are happier today than they were 50 years ago.

[Moos]

Hi josiebee, thanks for your response.

I think you might be missing the point of the new legislation. As you said yourself, what you are being offered as a family is more choice. Most women take their 2nd 6 months of maternity leave unpaid, as would their husbands - so it's not necessarily a financial question. Perhaps fathers would like to spend more time with their children - and if not, a family can choose that the mother takes the primary care role, as is traditional. I suspect that for most UK families (like mine) that's the route they'd go down, but in many Scandinavian families it's quite common to share childcare.

Much of the legislation I highlighted was about ensuring that a woman is equally paid for doing the job she chooses or is obliged to do, or ensuring that she is paid during her maternity leave, or is able to return to a job similar to her last. I see this legislation as protecting children and families as much as protecting women. If a woman doesn't want to work and can be supported by a partner then she has the choice to not to work. But if she is obliged to work or wants to, then she is now protected by law from being paid unfairly simply because she is a woman. Isn't that a good thing?

I hear what you're saying about confusion and pressure and I appreciate that careers aren't for everyone, and that not every woman will share my view. But a life of choice is one I will always prefer.

[Belle]

We really like the idea of sharing childcare. Not sure how we'll work things if or when we have a second child but would love to find a way of using the new option (though admittedly haven't studied the ins and outs of it). I've recently decided not to go back to my job (little boy is 8 months) so we'll see how that goes...

[RosieH]

josiebee Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

also they are driven career minded

> women - very different from myself and i believe

> the majority of women - but cause they are women

> they think they can represent our interests better

> than men. I don't think they can.

josie, I'd like to ask you how you gals all keep your lawns so neat and green - seems to me all of Stepford has the kind of luscious green grass I can only dream of...

[josiebee]

I don't understand your reference - I don't have a lawn - I live in a council flat!

[annaj]

josiebee, whilst you're entitled to your opinion it makes me extremely sad to hear a woman say that women were better off when they had less choice and fewer rights.

Around the world, right now, there are women who are not allowed to vote, or to go outside with their face uncovered, or to talk to a man who isn't family, or have an education or a profession.

Better off? Happier? Really?

[KateMontero]

I had this discussion with my husband during the week as we were thinking about when to try for another child. He said he's happily take a month or two off, but we could not decide when he might do this. Firstly, I breastfeed and expressing doesn't work well enough for me that I could produce enough that way. Therefore I'd have to take the first 6 months which are the hard months. Imagine then having to go back to work so he can have the next few months of fun?! I found myself saying no to that.

I also felt tied to my child as a mother until he was about 7 months old. I didn't want to leave him for long at all. I think this is just my maternal instinct as I couldn't rationalise the feeling.

In addition, when my husband looks after our son for an hour I will return to find the house like a bomb site, nothing for dinner and the TV and internet on, etc. I know this might seem a minor concern but imagine going to work and coming back to a huge tip every evening? I think it would be a bit stressful. Plus there would be a lot of take away!

So, yes he would like to and I like the idea of shared childcare in theory. However, it doesn't seem practical. If we could split the working week 50/50 then I would love it. I could work 2.5 days and so could my husband. Or he could have a token month at the end of maternity leave (for us that would be him taking over months 8-9) which would be a lot better than nothing but possibly misses the point!