Suspicious activity paronoia

[DulwichFox]

There seems to be so much talk of Suspicious activity ..

Bloke at the bus stop wearing a big coat and a hat.. looked really dodgy.

It was a while back maybe 18 months ago. After a 4-5 mile walk I went in to the Caf? on Peckham Rye

for a cup of tea and a almond croissant. Restore sugar levels. Being diabetic I was testing my levels after exercise.

Well there were loads of kids in there and we all know how small kids often stand and stare at people..

All of a sudden one of the 'Mums' ? shouted.. 'Come over here darling , come away from the man, what Have I told you. '

I was mortified.

I have on occasion spoke about caf?s and mums, buggies & babies.. and not having proper blokes cafes...

I feel ostracized looking through the window of these mummy cafes. I terrified to walk through the door.

This has led to people suggesting myself as being anti new businesses. I'm not.

There just aren't many places in E.D where a single bloke can go for a cup of tea without being made to feel uncomfortable.

DulwichFox

[KidKruger]

Foxy the mummy probably just didn't want her kids to annoy you by getting in yer face.

[Louisa]

That's the sort of disgraceful behaviour I expect of these alarmist, privileged mothers who spend their afternoons taking care of their offspring in fancy cafes around the area. Don't trust anyone, and whilst at it don't be discreet about it either. Let the world know exactly how narrow minded and distrustful you are of someone who you do not even know.

I'm with you foxy, absolute disgrace.

Louisa.

[WorkingMummy]

KidKruger's right. If my children were standing and staring at someone who was showing no sign of wanting to engage (which I'd totally understand) I would call them away. Because standing and staring at people - although a very natural thing for kids to do, as you say - is slightly rude. She was probably just trying to raise them right.

[Louisa]

I see your point WorkingMummy as I do KK's, but it isn't the child who is at fault here. The parent was in a position to understand and put right the uncomfortable situation foxy had been inadvertently put in. She could have made light of it and apologised directly. Takes a few seconds. But as per, probably self centred and engrossed in her own situation to worry about how she indirectly effects someone else.

Louisa.

[ed_pete]

...and the relevance of an 18 month old anecdote is ???

[*Bob*]

The problem these days is that these so-called parents just let their kids run riot and invade other people's space when you're just trying to have a cup of tea.

The problem theses days is that these so-called parents don't let their kids run riot and invade other people's spaces when they're trying to have a cup of tea.

etc

[Otta]

In all seriousness, a few weeks back I took my daughter to ballet (as I do every week) and once she was in there I went outside and sat on a step whilst reading my book.

Some girls from the previous class were hanging around presumably waiting for their parents to collect them, when a mum came up the path, looked at me, and immediately told the girls to get inside.

Now I'm all for teaching stranger danger, but I honestly really felt like this woman was looking at me like I was wearing an "I like little girls" badge. Made me feel pretty shit.

And all I was doing was reading my book, barely aware the girls were there until she came along and raised the alarm.

So foxy could have a point.

[*Bob*]

Do you both look really dodgy or something?

[red devil]

Try walking around the park with a camera, mass hysteria breaks out...

[EDOldie]

I have exactly the same problem

[Otta]

Haha!

[miga]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> Do you both look really dodgy or something?

Well - I don't think I look (too) dodgy, but I'm also acutely aware that when I take the kids to (e.g) the park, I ought to yell out to them from time to time, just so the rest of the parents are aware I'm not a lone man on the periphery. As in, I find myself exaggerating/overemphasizing my fatherly role just so people know I'm not a random guy in an environment with kids. Maybe I should get a "Dad" badge made up, like the ones for preggy ladies on the tube. As if the dark shadows under my eyes and the crusted up porridge on my sensible fleece weren't enough...

[Jeremy]

I can think of several greasy spoon type places that the posh-mummies-with-?1000-buggies wouldn't dream of going in. I can provide a list if you want..

[heartblock]

My partner is a tall, beardy 50 ish man. His mate is a slightly shorter, wider 50 ish man, who likes to wear a woolly hat. Both avoid walking near schools or walking in a park on their own where there might be young children as they have had the 'looks' from Mothers. We are going to have a whole generation that thinks every man in his 50's doing any activity on his own is a danger. Sadly when one of my colleagues an anaesthetist went to help a child that had fallen while running in Dulwich Park, he got the 'look' from the Mum, until his dog came up to join him. So if you are a man walking in the park, sitting in a cafe, walking past a school - make sure you have a dog with you.... Then you will not be a danger!

[Earl Aelfheah]

Sorry to hear this Foxy - I can completely get why you might feel offended. The mum should have said to the girl 'stop staring, it's rude and moved them off' (and apologised to you) - if that was her concern. I think there is a lot of paranoia out there. I often feel a bit uncomfortable when other peoples kids come up and start chatting to me, because I know how some parents get really funny about any stranger interacting with their kids. Isn't that sad?

[*Bob*]

I have never - once - felt weird being in a place full of kids when without my own, or being in a situation where someone else's kid spoke to me and I felt uncomfortable (beyond - you know - just wanting them to piss off soonish) - or felt like someone was moving their kid away from from me on account of me being some sort of perceived threat! Maybe you're all self-projecting your own paranoia?

Sometimes I look at threads like this and wonder if I'm living in a parallel universe.

[red devil]

This isn't real *Bob*. It's a parody of the 'Welcome to the CGF' thread...

[DaveR]

"That's the sort of disgraceful behaviour I expect of these alarmist, privileged mothers who spend their afternoons taking care of their offspring in fancy cafes around the area."

And that's the sort of ridiculous over the top rubbish we expect of you.

A mum says to a child something that is perfectly consistent with "don't bother that man", as opposed to "beware of that dangerous man" and suddenly we're off and running with yet another infantile class-based diatribe against the 'privileged'.

And 'the Fox' is terrified to go into a cafe. FFS.

It's still a fact that more women than men spend more time looking after young kids, so many places have lost of mums and few if any dads. It's really not hard (in my experience) to smile and be polite and in 99% of cases everybody is fine. The paranoia is in your head, DF.

[Otta]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> I have never - once - felt weird being in a place

> full of kids when without my own, or being in a

> situation where someone else's kid spoke to me and

> I felt uncomfortable (beyond - you know - just

> wanting them to piss off soonish) - or felt like

> someone was moving their kid away from from me on

> account of me being some sort of perceived threat!

> Maybe you're all self-projecting your own

> paranoia?

>

> Sometimes I look at threads like this and wonder

> if I'm living in a parallel universe.

Don't get me wrong, I don't find it's a regular thing, and I'll always smile and say hello to a kid if they try to interact with me, wheter with my kids or not.

But on that particular occasion outside the ballet, I was not just imagining it, that woman gave me a filthy look, just because I was there.

Although to be fair I've heard her talking to other parents, and she sounds like a bit of a nut case anyway.

[*Bob*]

It wasn?t that long ago that more women than not had to put up with all sorts of actual (real) crap from men in a variety of social, public and workplaces.

Now the pendulum has swung. Consider the fate of poor modern man. Forced to share a public space with a load of women whose only passing interest is in stopping their children from bothering him.

Woe is him.

[LondonMix]

There are nut jobs everywhere who give men and women dodgy looks.

I don't think most people / women / mothers think anything of seeing men of any age on their own anywhere. The park is a public place for the entire community. Cafes are public places for the entire community.

I get that it would be unpleasant though. I'm lucky in that I'm largely oblivious to what other people are doing around me. Perhaps, I'm constantly getting dirty looks from the community and am just blissfully ignorant!

[Help-Ma-Boab]

Reminded me of this...The Worm That Turned! from the Two Ronnie's archive.

*Bob* Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> It wasn?t that long ago that more women than not

> had to put up with all sorts of actual (real) crap

> from men in a variety of social, public and

> workplaces.

>

> Now the pendulum has swung. Consider the fate of

> poor modern man. Forced to share a public space

> with a load of women whose only passing interest

> is in stopping their children from bothering him.

>

>

> Woe is him.

[*Bob*]

Oh god .. I was thinking about that as well

[steveo]

When I sit childless in the park, drinking a gin flavoured coke, I periodically shout out 'Jacob!' or 'Channing!. Be careful,' to my mythical kids and get reassuring nods from the mums.

Oddly, sometimes strange children come over to me and say 'did you call me?'