Top Tips

[DulwichFox]

How to get a Spider out of your bath without killing it'

Lay toilet tissue over the rim and down to the bottom of the bath.

Walk away and check periodically.

The Spider will climb out and disappear.

[woofmarkthedog]

DulwichFox Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> How to get a Spider out of your bath without

> killing it'

>

> Lay toilet tissue over the rim and down to the

> bottom of the bath.

>

> Walk away and check periodically.

>

> The Spider will climb out and disappear.

------------------------------------------------

The bog roll is clean right ?

W**F

[waynetta]

Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know

[chez]

you should write a book!

[waynetta]

When boiling an egg in the morning, save time by popping a tea bag and a drop of milk into the saucepan. Hey presto! A boiled egg and a ready-made cup of tea.

[Tarot]

For morning sickness; In pregnant women Lucozade often works.

[Tarot]

Best tip is start Christmas shopping now ,

[waynetta]

Who said used tampons were useless? A spot of glue and half a tube of glitter transforms them into ideal christmas decorations.

[woofmarkthedog]

Tarot Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> For morning sickness; In pregnant women Lucozade

> often works.

___________________________________________________

I agree...

In pregnant women Lucozade often works it's way into the gaps of the laminate floor after you've vomitted

W**F

[waynetta]

Don't waste money on gift vouchers this christmas. Try giving bank notes. These are available in a variety of sizes, colours and denominations, and are accepted by most high street shops.

[daizie]

CONVINCE your friends that you play the trombone by standing behind a screen and farting into a watering can.

[waynetta]

Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing number plate.

[katie1997]

SHOPPERS - When buying grapes, take one grape to the till. When it is weighed it won't register on the low-tech unsensitive scales so you will get it for free. Repeat this procedure a hundred times or so, and hey, presto! You have yourself a free bunch of grapes.

[waynetta]

Deter burglars by placing a card in your kitchen window which reads 'No valuables kept in the house overnight.'

[daizie]

Deter organ thieves from stealing your innards by swallowing several mousetraps minutes before your death.

[waynetta]

Suck the eyes from attacking Zombies using a Black and Decker dustbuster. The blinded ghouls will then wander aimlessly and can be dispatched at a more leisurely pace using the usual methods...

[daizie]

A MALT LOAF is just the right size and colour to sculpt a convincing pair of decent-sized human turds. Don't forget to taper one end.

[waynetta]

Hahaha...now that is funny :)) Daizie is it only me and you who actually find these tips funny?

[waynetta]

Indecisive about committing suicide? Then hang yourself with a bungee rope.

[daizie]

Lol , the only thread that makes any sense

[daizie]

Hahaha Waynetta :))

[waynetta]

You're spot on about that Daizie.

Avoid bickering and petty arguments by simply punching anyone in the face whom you disagree with.

[woofmarkthedog]

Trying "kick" Heroin...?

Take up Crack as well, you'll weigh less for the undertaker

W**F

[waynetta]

Wheelchair basketball coaches. Miss out Lourdes from any forthcoming European tours in order to avoid losing your star players.

[daizie]

SMARTIES tubes pushed over cats' legs can make for a futuristic 'space cat'. Cover in foil for extra realism!