Top Tips

[woofmarkthedog]

???? Wrote:

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300 posts

Jeezus I've posted some rubbish? threads

But this one is top of the pile

Who'd have thought it....eh ?

TopTip " carry on posting rubbish as some sh*t is bound to stick "

W**F

[dulwichmum]

If you must travel to Nigeria and will be staying in a hotel, bring your own kettle.

[waynetta]

Avoid being clamped when parking illegally by simply removing all the wheels from your car and locking them in the boot. Put them back on when you return.

[waynetta]

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a

jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is

almost instantly removed.

[louisiana]

Create your own indoor wildlife garden: put a pile of logs in the middle of your sitting room, pour some water over it, and sit back on the sofa and relax as the beetles and bugs and spiders come out to play.

[woofmarkthedog]

Why walk your own dog, when you can hire a naked dog walker

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/09/06/article-1309614-0B0FE4DA000005DC-364_468x567.jpg

[Ridgley]

Hi woofmarkthedog

Hot Tip if you have problem with Spiders, put some conkers at each corner of you room they hate it or if you have flies but some Bay leaves on the door they also hate it:)

[brum]

Forget which season you are in? I found an excellent way to be reminded, just this morning...

Stand in a school playground with your child (if you don't have one, then improvise) and wait. Miraculously, you will be hit on the head by a large conker. It will be then that you will realise that Autumn has arrived.

[waynetta]

A simple plant pot, upturned on the top of your head, is ideal for doing comedy impressions of the late Tommy Cooper.

Just like that!

[waynetta]

Leave your headlights on whenever you park your car in a large car park. If you are unable to find it on your return, simply go away again and come back when it has got dark.

[waynetta]

When parking in car parks, always carry a spare battery in the boot of your car in case the other one has gone flat by the time you eventually find your car.

[louisiana]

Always putting your keys in a safe place and then wondering where that is? Why not just leave your keys in your front door?

[waynetta]

Fatties. Pay someone to walk behind you juggling, swallowing swords or eating fire, etc. This will divert attention from your obesity.

[Atticus]

Save pounds each year on birthday cards - only befriend the dead.

[Atticus]

Save time, literally, don't read this useless thread.

[waynetta]

OLD FOLKS. Stay warm and safe this winter by wrapping yourselves in bacofoil. Not only will this conserve vital body heat, but it will also make you look a bit like 'Robocop', thus going some way towards deterring would-be burglars.

[waynetta]

Men. Save energy drying recently washed pots and pans by blasting each of them for 30 seconds in the microwave

[waynetta]

Fellas. Play 'rodeo sex' by shagging your missus 'doggy fashion' and then calling her another bird's name.see how long you can stay on for.

[daizie]

FOOL EVERYONE into thinking you have just eaten an apple by rubbing your tummy and saying loudly "Mmm! That was a lovely apple."

[waynetta]

Prevent sneak thieves from stealing the crooklock from your car by attaching one end to the steering wheel and the other to one of the floor pedals

[daizie]

KEEP AN empty bottle of milk in your fridge in case someone wants black coffee or even tea.

[waynetta]

Fellas. Get your girlfriend to suck a steradent whilst giving you a blowjob. Not only will it give her a dazzling smile, but your bell-end will come out Bristol fashion

[daizie]

CONVINCE your neighbours that evolution is working backwards by not shaving for a week, walking to your car gradually more stooped each morning and wearing a monkey costume on the Friday

[Narnia]

You two are sisters, aren't you?

[legalbeagle]

LOL DAIZIE! Did you just eat a funny pill? Love it!