Long-distance relationships...can they work?

[katie1997]

:-S.....or are they doomed from the start?

[brum]

Very good question. The odds are stacked against you from the start. And there has to come a point sooner-or-later where the inevitable 're-location' issue becomes critical. Unless both partners are comfortable living apart. But, then again, love grows in many ways....

[womanofdulwich]

Depends how often you see each other- I think every weekend or every other weekend is just about ok depending on how much travel it involves. Hopefully you will "know " if they are the right person pretty soon and can take it from there. I am a bit of a romantic and think that if you know they are the right person, then most things can be worked around. Hard if you are very young though. ALso if you have other demands on your time at weekends - like family!! If it is further apart then I suppose web cams etc help. I would give it a try.:)

[Bluerevolution]

very difficult- doubts happen too easily

[GSJ57]

I met my husband in Spain, I knew him for 5 days then he left to go back home.......to America!! We wrote to each other for a year, no phone calls - it was the early 80's, v. expensive! I saw him again in Spain a year later for about 10 days - he proposed on day 2. I didn't see him again for 5 months, then I went to the the US for 3 months. Because of a ton of complications we could only spend about every other weekend together. I came home in the January and the next time I saw him was the night before our wedding the following May!! We've been married for 25 years..... so I agree with womanofdulwich - if it's meant to be, it will work!

[Ladymuck]

katie1997 Wrote:

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> :-S.....or are they doomed from the start?

Oh, no, no, no...not necessarily...I guess it all depends on how much you love each other. Soppy/simplistic I know...but I believe you can overcome most things (if not anything) with true love.

[northlondoner]

GSJ57 - what an inspirational tale! Makes me feel ok about being a soppy old romantic. That said, I am currently opting out of a possible transatlantic relationship. I think I just need that daily face to face contact for it to thrive and grow. I need to know first hand what the emotional weather is like for my partner.

Katie 1997 - I guess there is no rule that fits all people. By the way, I am really hoping 1997 isnt your d.o.b. If it is, you should be doing homework rather than contemplating long distance relationships! But assuming it ISNT your d.o.b, how long distance is your potential relationship? Is it something that could be handled by a discount rail card - or does it require a frequent fliers' programme?

[GSJ57]

northlondoner - our friends tell us it is quite a story - didn't feel like it at the time of course! I agree ... a discount rail card situation is much, much better than 'on a different continent'!!!

[northlondoner]

GSJ57 I am sure it was scary at the time - but well done on making it work. Takes head and heart! Although I think the odds are against the long distance option, your life shows what can happen when fate,love and committment come together. I salute you! Katie take note - but only follow suit if you think your relationship could be as special as that enjoyed by GS

[GSJ57]

The odds were definitely against us, I think we were really lucky. If one of my sons came to me today and said, 'Hey, I'm going to marry a girl I met in a bar (as we did!) and I've only known her a few weeks', I'm not sure I would say ' Sure, go ahead'!!

Katie - Good Luck if you decide to go for it!!!

[woofmarkthedog]

katie1997 Wrote:

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> :-S.....or are they doomed from the start?

__________________________________________

Yes

Next ?

W**F

[KidKruger]

Katie1997.

NOT doomed at all from the start. Is very much down to what kind of people you both are, your (jointly) ability to commit, past relationship experiences (ie. managed long-distance previously, able to appreciate what/who you have met compared to previous partners), ability to mind your own time and enjoy yourself either alone or with friends when your partner is absent, ability to deal with problems that arise that you may have to deal with yourself. Some people need immediate 'satiation' in a relationship and see no need/value in waiting, this is fair enough but may not suit long distance/infrequent togetherness. If you're able to keep your mind 'on the ball' long distance you can have as strong and enriching a relationship as anyone, especially if the comms are there ie. letters/post (surprise parcels are a winner !), telephone, texting and emails. It's easier if you're not one of those who needs someone close by all the time and cannot function so well and confidently without a partner in the vicinity. We're all privileged to ever be in any relationship at all IMO, and long-distance in the scheme of things may not be so very bad after all.

[SteveT]

Long distant relationships can be carried on provided neither one minds about the 'no sex' part.

Unless you cheat a little on the side!

When things get hard..........you know.

[Muley]

Depends...

Is your other half is a taxi driver?

Lives north of the river?

No chance!

[Keef]

Very difficult in my experience, but guess they can work with effort on both sides. If you can't be bothered with the effort, that basically tells you something about how much you really like the person.

[Mick Mac]

Can't you get someone to suit your needs in east dulwich? :)

[SCSB79]

Been married to my wife for nearly 5 years. Started dating in Jan 2003 for 3 months, then she went back to the USA. We saw each other a few times a year up until Oct 04 when she moved here on a 6 month student visa, and then we got married in May 05.

Spoke to each other on the phone every day which helped when she was home.

There were times when one or the other thought the effort was too much and nearly jacked it in!! But we plugged away eventually until she managed to move here in October 2004.

Guess it depends on the individuals.

[fractionater]

Depends on what type of relationship it is.

I have an open relationship with a Japanese girl who now lives in Tokyo. She used to live in London when I met her, and I guess we are now "occasional" f-buddies. I haven't seen her for over a year, but am heading out to Tokyo soon, not specifically to see her but whilst I'm there we'll hook up and continue where we left off! No issues with seeing other people in between either.

[daizie]

That'll make her feel really special

[fractionater]

Neither of us are under any delusions of being "special"... better to keep it real and enjoy the good times as they happen, rather than whine or pine about things that may never be!

[rainbow]

All depends how well you know them. If it all start from a distance..Hmm.. I'd say have them as a side dish. For all you might know they might be doing the same. My cousin married his wife from abroad and went through a great deal to get her here. This is when the nightmare began..

Doesn't necessary mean it can't work but there's all sorts of possibilities. Sorry, guess that didn't really help. Go with your instint and always bear in mind that whatever the outcome is,have no regrets.

Good Luck

[RosieH]

SteveT Wrote:

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> Long distant relationships can be carried on

> provided neither one minds about the 'no sex'

> part.

>

>

> Unless you cheat a little on the side!

>

>

> When things get hard..........you know.

Nothing that a little telephone action or self-love can't handle there Steve

[Mick Mac]

::o Rosie - you're shocking us. stop.

[RosieH]

Then Mick, you should read Vox by Nicholson Baker.

[woofmarkthedog]

fractionater Wrote:

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> Neither of us are under any delusions of being

> "special"... better to keep it real and enjoy the

> good times as they happen, rather than whine or

> pine about things that may never be!

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That's right Dazers, as long as the guys up to his "back wheels" in it, who cares ?

Just lets hope he remembers her ....err "name"

Ol doodah....thingy ma'jig....

W**F