The Godfather (again)

[MrBen]

Whilst I'm quite capable of dealing with this myself I'd appreciate some help here. For some reason, in the past few years I keep getting asked to be godfather to peoples kids. I'm not sure why.... I don't know that many people, am not especially religious nor do I possess any special qualities. I appreciate it is probably flattering to be asked but I'm also baffled to be honest. Why me?

On my first acceptance I read something at church and I gave a suitable present but to my shame I've been a rubbish godfather since, forgetting birthdays, Christmases etc mainly due to having too much committed elsewhere in life. I figure when she gets into probs later as a young adult I'd be able to help better. I'm not even sure what the modern role of a godfather should be these days - should it not be more about moral guidance than presents?

Anyways.... I think I'm about to be asked to be Godfather again and given the above is there a correct way to politely decline without causing too much offence?

All answers gratefully received!

[katie1997]

yeah its a tough one mr ben and I sypathise with your dilemma.....not sure what the best way to politely decline is...perhaps you could elaborate on the huge amount of commitments and very little spare time you have these days and put them off asking you.

i think the modern role of godfather/mother seems to be buying them really extra-special pressies on significant birthdays...and being there for them if you had to. best of luck!

[daizie]

Develop a severe case of Tourettes Syndrome, that should do it . Just to make sure, keep scratching your genitals as well .

[????]

daizie- your propscetive god childrens would work even better

[Ladymuck]

I take it you don't have children of your own! I'm the same...and have 13 Godchildren...would have a lot more had I not started saying no some years back. It just got ridiculous...not flattering at all to my mind...so I just say NO...and people don't ask anymore.

[SteveT]

Men are crap at godfathering, as we never remember birthdays, nor the godchilds name age and address.

I am just not equipped to undertake the responsibility, as I am a lazy selfish bum, and I also feel it is a particularly useless and pointless role!

Other than that of course I wouldn't hesitate.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Clue's in the title: your job is to pray for little Johnny/Miranda and keep an eye on their spiritual development - same as it's always been.

You could easily decline on the grounds that you have no strong religious feelings. 'Renouncing the Devil, et' is pretty strong stuff, so if you don't believe it, don't do it.

I suspect that apart from being a jolly nice chap, you are stinking rich hence all the requests.

[SeanMacGabhann]

on a recent trip home, various discussions broke out about who my godparents were. All of the likely suspects were involved but no-one could be sure so we just shrugged and moved on

Moral is: godparents = nothing to sweat about

But the fact that you have several godchildren already should be reason enough and if the person asking you this time isn't aware enough to take that on board, what kind of friend are they?

[woofmarkthedog]

Yeah....

I love it when he finds the "Horse Head" in the bed

I'm sure he said "NO" but got one anyway

Oh with godchildren, tell them "You know I"m trying to emigrate to...." this usually puts them off

W**F

[Ted Max]

"Of course, you realise when she's 18 I'm likely to still be single, and only in my mid-forties." (twiddle moustache)

"I'd love to. It would be great to have someone to take along to the local mum'n'toddler groups; there's some fierce MILF talent just waiting to be tapped up there."

"Godfather yeah? Cool. Rock up about church o'clock yeah? Say the vows? Hit the champers. Job's a good 'un. I can make a speech if you like. My improv at Jez's 30th went down a storm, right."

[Brendan]

Maybe we do things a little different where I?m from but normally a godparent should be a sibling or cousin of one of the parents or a very close family friend.

The most important thing is that it is someone who will take a moral responsibility for the child should anything happen to the parents.

Other than that all it really just entails if a banknote in a birthday card once a year and attendance at certain events like 21st birthdays, weddings, confirmations, bar mitzvahs, trials etc.

[brum]

I'm a godfather to my eldest nephew and to my eternal shame I've done absolutely nothing 'special' for him that is different to how I've treated my other nephews and nieces. Mainly because, like the OP, I've never really known how to do the 'godfather' role. He's 25 now so its all a bit late to do anything, anyway!

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Brendan, hate to be controversial but I think you are confusing godparent with guardian. Two separate functions.

Edited to say that's a load of flannel. I don't mind being controversial at all.

[Brendan]

No I?m not confusing them. A designated legal guardian is someone who takes over care for a child if something happens to the parents.

This is different to a godparent whose role is of moral support. (at least in my understanding)

Although there is nothing to say that a godparent can?t also be a guardian.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

So sorry - you are quite right; I was interpreting your words through my faulty filter.

[Huguenot]

In Catholicism the godparent must be Catholic, which kind of suggests that the chief role is religious indoctrination.

[brum]

Thanks Huguenot, that means I'm off the hook. I shouldn't have been asked in the first place!

[Brendan]

Huguenot Wrote:

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> In Catholicism the godparent must be Catholic,

> which kind of suggests that the chief role is

> religious indoctrination.

Balls. I'm catholic and neither of my godparents are. They were there all present and correct at my christening next to the priest in St Patrick?s. I?ve seen the pictures.

[brum]

Damn. Back to feeling guilty again.

[Brendan]

So you are catholic then?

[brum]

No but the nephew is. Guilt is not an exclusive luxury just for Catholics to enjoy, Brendan! (But they DO do it well...)

[JetSetWilly]

Huguenot Wrote:

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> In Catholicism the godparent must be Catholic,

> which kind of suggests that the chief role is

> religious indoctrination.

no its not, my eldest girls godfather is c of e, father john didn,t bat an eye.

[RosieH]

And I'm godmother to a catholic child while not being catholic myself (they didn't ask if I was atheist)

[Brendan]

C of e? As in Church of England? Fuck me! My godfather is a scientologist and my godmother a priestess in the Church of Satan but I don?t think Father Findlay would have allowed someone from the Church of England.

[mockney piers]

Nope the Huguenots have it. In a catholic baptism one of the godparents must be a practicising catholic over sixteen who has taken the Eucharist.

I have the whole joy of 'the christening' conversation to come soon with the devout irish catholic ma in law.

'what do you mean you're not, he'll go to limbo* or whatever).'

'hmm, that kind of attitude was kind of a clincher for me you see'

current catholic doctrine says that he might go to

heaven, I like the ambiguity there, just to say, see we're not bad everything really is nice and fluffy really...probably, but you might burn in hell if you don't you sinners!!!!!