Happy Burns Night....

[MrBen]

...to fellow Scottish and non Scottish forumites.

Tonight, may the spirit of the great man be with you all.

"Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,

And dish them out their bill o' fare,

Auld Scotland wants nae skinkin ware

That jaups in luggies;

But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,

Gie her a haggis!"

[????]

MickMack's already on his 2nd dram

[Sandperson]

I celebrated last night. A McSweens, neeps, posset and Scottish cheese with an Ardbeg and a Glenmorangie.

[Ladymuck]

Happy Burns Day and ave a guid eenin toneet.

*raises a glass of Balvenie to Mr. Ben*

[bob]

Haggis neeps tattes and gravy.

Bob S

[Sandperson]

Gravy Bob!? Gravy? Really?

[Mick Mac]

???? Wrote:

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> MickMack's already on his 2nd dram

No dram - but I did have haggis and stovies for lunch:

Lunch Menu

Monday 25 January

☼☼☼

Stovies & Scotch Pies

Haggis

Roast Corn-fed Chicken/Haggis Stuffed Chicken Legs

Poached Smoked Haddock

Vegetable Gratin

[Jah Lush]

Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full

of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin race,

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Painch, tripe or thairm,

As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to

the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an we can eat,

So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like,

the Prince moves on to the next patient, who

immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,

O the panic in thy breasty,

Thou needna start awa sae hastie,

Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying

doctor and asks "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No," replies the doctor, "this is the serious Burns unit."

[Ladymuck]

Cheap and cheerful lodgings:

A lodger in a Scottish guest house in Milngavie, near Glasgow, was on his way to the bathroom carrying his shaving gear, when the landlady stopped him and said, 'Have you got a good memory for faces, Mr MacGregor?'

'Och aye,' Mac replied.

'That's just as well,' she said, 'because there's no mirror in the bathroom.'

[bob]

LOL Jah

SP oppps gravy

Bob S

[Ladymuck]

MacTavish visited London for his annual holiday and stayed at a large hotel. However, he didnae feel that the natives were friendly.

'At 4 o'clock every morning,' he told a friend, 'they hammered on my bedroom door, on the walls, even on the floor and ceiling. Och, sometimes they hammered so loud I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes.'

[Jah Lush]

"When I saw it I thought it looked like shit. When I smelt it I thought it smelt like shit. When I tasted it, my god I wish it had been shit." - Noel Coward's view on haggis.

[Ladymuck]

Jah Lush Wrote:

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> "When I saw it I thought it looked like shit. When

> I smelt it I thought it smelt like shit. When I

> tasted it, my god I wish it had been shit." - Noel

> Coward's view on haggis.

*falls about laughing*

Here's another...though please note that readers read at their own risk...no liability in respect of racism or stereotyping will be accepted:

At an auction in Glasgow a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing ?10,000 and would give a reward of ?100 to the person who found it.

From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, 'I'll give ?150.'

[bob]

Definition of a Scottish gentelman one who can play the Bagpipes by declines to do so.

Bob S

[Ladymuck]

Scots rarely drink:

MacDonald was in poor health. He asked his friend MacDougal if he would pour a bottle of scotch over his grave if he should die one of these days.

MacDougal said, 'Sure'n I'll be glad, laddie, but would you mind if I passed it through my kidneys first?'

[Bluerevolution]

Jah Lush Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.

> He enters a ward full

> of patients with no obvious sign of injury or

> illness and greets one.

>

>

> The patient replies:

>

> "Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

> Great chieftain o the puddin race,

> Aboon them a ye take yer place,

> Painch, tripe or thairm,

> As langs my airm."

>

> Charles is confused, so he just grins and

> moves on to

> the next patient. The patient responds:

>

> "Some hae meat an canna eat,

> And some wad eat that want it,

> But we hae meat an we can eat,

> So let the Lord be thankit."

>

> Even more confused, and his grin now

> rictus-like,

> the Prince moves on to the next patient,

> who

> immediately begins to chant:

>

> "Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,

> O the panic in thy breasty,

> Thou needna start awa sae hastie,

> Wi bickering brattle."

>

> Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to

> the accompanying

> doctor and asks "Is this a psychiatric

> ward?"

>

> "No," replies the doctor, "this is the

> serious Burns unit."

Brilliant ! ROFL

[Horsebox]

Bravo, Jah.

[woofmarkthedog]

Burns nite has now past..

...but it's only right to include a poem by the overlooked genius that is..

McGonagall

The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!

Alas! I am very sorry to say

That ninety lives have been taken away

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,

And the wind it blew with all its might,

And the rain came pouring down,

And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,

And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-

"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh

The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,

But Boreas blew a terrific gale,

Which made their hearts for to quail,

And many of the passengers with fear did say-

"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,

Boreas he did loud and angry bray,

And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,

And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,

And the passengers' hearts felt light,

Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,

With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,

And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,

Until it was about midway,

Then the central girders with a crash gave way,

And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!

The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,

Because ninety lives had been taken away,

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known

The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,

And the cry rang out all o'er the town,

Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,

And a passenger train from Edinburgh,

Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,

And made them for to turn pale,

Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale

How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,

To witness in the dusky moonlight,

While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,

Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

I must now conclude my lay

By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,

That your central girders would not have given way,

At least many sensible men do say,

Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,

At least many sensible men confesses,

For the stronger we our houses do build,

The less chance we have of being killed.

Ahhhhh that's grand..

W**F

[Sue]

Yep, an overlooked genius.

I used to have a whole book of his "poetry" aka doggerel (WOOF!), but then I lived in Dundee for years - part of the time in a tenement overlooking the Silv'ry Tay, in fact :))

[katie1997]

MrBen Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> ...to fellow Scottish and non Scottish forumites.

>

>

> Tonight, may the spirit of the great man be with

> you all.

Thank you MrBen and you!! Hated Robbie Burns poetry at school though I have to say...:-S

(bit late but...) Slainte...

[brum]

Interestingly, it was the Tay Bridge disaster that lead to our own Tower Bridge to be built so robustly. Infact it is designed to withstand wind forces far higher than any it will ever encounter.