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Isn't it awful when you can't trust your mother with your children? Mine has made a few passive aggressive moves against me that involved my son and that was absolutely the final straw. Once while visiting them she thought she would feed him a really processed cheese dish and I said that he'd had enough "crap food" for one day. The next day we left him for a couple of hours and when we got home she hadn't fed him lunch because "I think everything she does is crap". This is my mother. I think that if she toned down the bonkers a bit it would be harder to deal with, actually, because I would always wonder if I was reading into it. As it is, I don't have to second guess myself because it's obviously her.:) I can't pretend to be the perfect mum, and I certainly have my moments with my spirited handful of a son. But once in a while when I lose my cool, I make sure that I tell him that it was about ME having a bad moment and not anything he has done. We talk a lot about feelings and being human and how people have bad behavior when we're tired or sad etc.. This is not something I ever heard and so really all roads led to me being horrible. I actually think I could have lived with the tirades and guilt/shame lectures if they had been followed with a sorry or a hug, but they didn't. Honestly I think the reason I was able to rise above it was because I always felt like she was crazy and her opinions held little value. I also needed to prove her wrong and win her affection, but of course I now know that was never going to happen. To this day she has no idea how messed up she is and thinks I'm the problem. Whatever.:)-D

So glad I found this thread! My relationship with my mother has never been great, but wow it's really hit a new low since my son came along. It makes me really sad, actually, because I look around at "everyone else" who seems to have normal mums that they can have an actual conversation with and rely on and I absolutely know what I'm missing. But she's so unhealthy to be around. She's a really sad and angry person, and I spent my sad and angry teenage years pleading with her to get help. My beaten down father just enabled her and instead she found fifty different ways to blame me. Nice. She spent my entire childhood doing this; imagine how mad I was as an adult to realize that I was actually a gorgeous, smart, NORMAL child and not the unlovable beast she got stuck with. She would say things like "I would be happy to buy you a new dress if you weren't fat but it's juts too embarrassing" and "Thingy and Whatsit's daughters looked so wonderful tonight, but they're just so thin and lovely". It went on and on, every day for years, and now as a mum the irony hasn't escaped me that my chubbiness was due to her feeding me and not making the effort to get active with me. She was pleased for me to hide somewhere indoors with a book and I was happy to hide from her. I entered the big world at 18 a broken girl, and people do not treat broken girls well. Might have read here, or somewhere, a statement that predators don't look for pretty girls, they look for broken girls. I was lucky but I'll never forgive her for my teenage years. Luckily I had some brains and frankly a lifetime of building myself up in spite of her gave me a pretty good set of ba??$. I moved far away and earned two degrees from university completely on my own. Anyway, I'm not throwing a pity party but through it all we are still pretending to be happy families and now that I'm a mother I'm more and more enraged by her inability to get over herself for my benefit at any point of my life. When I look at my son I see a lot of me and I see those sparkling eyes and huge gorgeous grin and I just want to eat him up all day long........... and I can't help but wonder how she didn't see the same things? I start to think about the million hours I've spent at the park or our long bedtime snuggles and all that and realize I have no memory of any of that, not even hugs and certainly not anything resembling emotional comfort. And as sad as it is to think about why she was so low, I then remember what I have had to overcome to become a mostly healthy, loving and somewhat sane person and how I would do ANYTHING to make sure my son felt loved and good about himself and I can't help but feel pity more than anything. The truth is I'm no longer that sad girl desperately trying to get this miserable person to love me but I want my son to have grandparents (and they do love him) so I suck it up and seethe contempt across the dining room table and smirk when she gives parenting advice. Consequently she practically trembles with hostility and I no longer care. Someone asked if one person going to therapy can help the dynamic; ha well in my case I'd say no lol. What did help was understanding my boundaries with her. Sadly for me that means emotionally closing myself around her so she can't hurt me. Oh yeah, happy happy families. When it starts to get ugly (and it always does) we remove ourselves as I don't want my son to feel the ugliness. The point to this long winded diary entry is that we are so tied to our mothers that it's personally and socially uncomfortable to admit that my mother is the last person I would go to for help or support. I don't really talk about it and most of my friends don't really know but must suspect. My husband gets it and was actually the first person to ever say to me "It's not you. It's her". I've worked hard my whole life to make up for her nonsense and dammit there is no way I'm going to put her on a grandmother pedestal now........ feels immature as many have mentioned but shouldn't she earn it? But as I said before, I do know what I'm missing. And I think I've shared way too much:))

Dorothy Parker, Pierre Trudeau, Winston Churchill, Bill and Hilary, Oscar Wilde, Jon Stewart. And my very gay, very drunk and very foul mouthed (when drunk) vicar.

Well mine always seemed to be the grumpiest baby/toddler on the block :) so that was a goal I never aspired to. At least I learned it wasn't ALL my fault.

Completely agree. I loved Karp's fourth trimester theories. His advice about how to swaddle and sway during the hard nights of colic were really helpful. He has some fun stuff for toddlers too. In Happiest Toddler on the Block he looks at how babies-toddlers go through all the stages of evolution in primatology...... in two years. Really gives some perspective on how quickly they change and how difficult it must be for them to understand what's going on. It's hilarious because it teaches you toddler talk to communicate through tantrums etc., like : "You mad! You want cookie! Can't have! So mad!". Mine responded a bit to it, not completely but I got the point. I love his work and even if you don't get into it think it's worth a read.

(tu)GSJ57 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Well said frierntastic and quids.

Cheering crowds outside the White House at midnight. I guess this their Royal Wedding. It's been a big weekend. Actually it's really quite extraordinary. Massive crowd now, happy and peaceful. I'm happy for them, they need this.

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Didn't really expect this to turn into a debate > but actually evidence points to early sleeping > through being related to formula, hence a bf > baby's sleep pattern is actually the biological > norm > > Let me find the evidence I still don't know about this....... no amount of formula on the planet would get my constant night waker to sleep more than a couple of hours. Even at 8,9,10 months. And believe me, in my zombie state I think he was having a 4 oz bottle every waking! Only because I was out of my mind, actually a bit feral by that point. I think whatever rhythm it is you get into becomes a habit. But I don't know anyone who sleep trained out of pressure from other people. They've done it because they were going completely mental.(!)

Exactly the same problem here. It's fine if I go to sleep first and nobody wakes me in the night, but if my son wakes me up, even for a few minutes, I have to go back to bed next to the rhino-beast and I'm awake for the night. Earplugs work (sometimes they're no match for the snores though), but I can't hear my son OR the alarm clock in the morning. I'm thinking a bed in the spare room is less of a marriage killer than the bitterness of ten sleepless years. I keep telling him that I think the two of them are conspiring to kill me, one long sleepless night at a time. He just keeps telling me I snore too. Very helpful. I like the idea of the communal sleeping man cave or whatever. If they had to live it themselves, would they feel differently? Anyway susyp, it's a war out there and we do what we need to do, right? Spare room, I say!:))

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > helena handbasket Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Fuschia Wrote: > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > ----- > > > Child no 2 middle name - padraig > > > > > > Okay, I'm thinking Patrick ish? > > > Gaelic, yes I'm loving your names. My husband wanted to name our son Aethelred. If you guessed that it didn't happen you would be right.

> > Anyone reading this thread might think there is > trouble at Goodrich. Some might be disinclined to > put Goodrich as one of their choices next year. > Thanks for contributing to the destabilisation of > our school. What? Now you are blaming those reading this train wreck for the problems at Goodrich? I have no idea what is going on there, but public battles leave no one to blame but yourselves. Maybe it's time for a bit of introspection. I have a feeling this thread does not represent most of the school or it's parents. But there is a lot more than a paranoid headmistress going on here.

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Child no 2 middle name - padraig Okay, I'm thinking Patrick ish?

You may be right, probably not but it doesn't matter any more because the battle is lost. The school community has been broken and whatever you say about the head is neither here nor there at this point....... it certainly is not as easy as getting rid of her and finding a replacement. Educators aren't stupid, there's lots of "pillow talk" and I suggest that if you think this head makes too much money, wait until they have to find a way to lure the next one. Value added, as they say, goes both ways. Plus, even once she's gone there are clearly lines drawn between parents/governors/forumites. How are you going to fix that? By being right? Let's see where that gets you; so far it's not working. You need to heal this school community and stop pointing fingers.

My girl name was Mabel but my husband wanted Annabel, which I thought was a bit too precious. So we found Amabel in the Book of Baby Names from Yore (or something like that) which suited us both. No girl came though, which is probably a good thing because five years later I still for the life of me can't pronounce it. Fuschia is it pronounced Rory? I really like it.

Monkey Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > For goodness sake, James. I now really regret > voting Lib Dem. As you know, headteachers are > extremely well paid and there are no > violence/discipline problems at the school as per > the Ofsted report (apart from people reading a > tiny bit too much into school posters). There are > many worse schools out there and many heads would > like their biggest problem to be pushy parents.I > am sure that should the position become vacant, > we'll have lots of applicants. All we're asking is > for results to go up and not down. And no I don't > care about value added. I am talking about the > cold , hard facts: percentage of pupils > achievieving level 4 in maths, English and > science. Honestly, most educators I know would be much happier taking "complex" students and social issues than pushy parents. I've never seen anything like this, it's just so ugly. If you think well educated adults will be lining up to take on this position, you are breathing rarified air. Any sane teacher will think twice as well, I should think. Who needs this? Honestly, if you read these threads and knew you were the next thread, would you sign up? Fat chance! The school will suffer, the children will suffer, the community will suffer. Can you imagine what anyone would think if they google ED as a potential place to move to and this comes up? Frankly, every time I feel sad to have left I read a thread on this poor school and feel like I've dodged a bullet. It's absolutely shocking.

Saffron Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Don't forget to think about initials. My girl > friend's surname is Davis, middle name Anne. > > Her initials spell M. A. D. Oh dear! Not to mention the relationship with the last name. An old school chum might never forgive her parents for naming her Anita, which is a fine name unless your last name is Dyck! Not well thought out, that one. Can't forget Jen Scrotch, or Drew Peacock. They certainly learned to keep a low profile but first day of school was never a good day for them, poor things. What are parents thinking? I also like the name Bailey. Good luck! I found choosing a name really difficult right up until the doctor yelled "It's a boy! What's his name?".

My point is that the NHS is where the problem lies if there is not consistent information (and some of your points I've not heard before so far from general knowledge), including and especially the GP's. Alas, no point arguing the finer points of interpreting NHS policy because neither of us are experts in that area I don't think. I just feel that something is broken but it's dangerous to always blame the front line. I have nothing to add to that.

Sorry I just wanted to add a conversation I had with my HV: When I first met her I expressed my frustration with a system that seemed to let people fall through the cracks. As someone who moved to the UK with a baby I found it incredibly hard to get my son noticed by the system, no red book or HV for two years even though I expressed my concern many times. What kind of doctor isn't interested in notes/base lines in a new patient, especially a baby? That's wrong. Anyway what we talked about was her concern and sadness that if someone who is middle-class, professional and speaks the language is having trouble getting care what is the situation with the many many mothers who do not understand the system, are not educated and don't speak the language? My hope is that in Southwark the limited resources are going to this group. That does still leaves the question of care for the hopelessly average mum who still needs care. Some of us just aren't ill "enough", or needy "enough", and that doesn't seem right.

Fuschia that's not really fair, a lot of what we call being well informed is actually flavour of the day or a local trend. It must be incredibly hard to be giving advice of any kind in the google age. Especially since the information online is changing daily while government policy moves slowly. We had a wonderful HV (eventually) who made up for the neglect of our awful GP surgeries, and I hate to think that the good ones like mine and mumof3girlies will eventually move on because why would you stay? That's part of why the service is bad; there just aren't enough of them and the ones who care burn out. Then you are left with the rifraf. You see in health care, social services, education. I realize people have been given bad advice, but my GP's have been no better frankly and actually worse. It seems like the problem is that there is a black hole in infant care; the midwives aren't around long enough maybe? And then mothers are passed off to HV's who are generalists and are basically agents for social services. There's no continuity of care (at least not in my experience). It reminds me of the frenzy from Baby P, when social workers were dragged through the mud and the faults of a massively broken system were blamed on the demoralized humans at the bottom of the chain. Obviously the HV system needs to be improved but when it does work (ie when they are able to properly do their jobs) it's a great resource. It's like the NHS in general; when it works it really works well but when it doesn't it's a gong show.

You can buy your kindle there, about $170 with WiFi and the plugs are okay because you charge it through a USB from your laptop. What you will need to do though is register it to Amazon UK when you buy it or you are restricted to Amaazon.com and then you can only order from the one you are registered with. If you have a Florida address to send it to it might be a good idea to order before you go so it gets there while you are there. Don't think you can buy them in the shop so it has to be ordered. Mine took ages but it was around Christmas.

I suppose things always look easy from the other side, but I can assure you that toddlers generally can't be trusted to get themselves into their safety seats. Don't think the law would back that one up either. I don't know what I age I would feel confident letting my son buckle himself in properly but at four there's no way he's able to do it himself. DJKQ it's a bit bizarre the way you know so much about something you clearly have no experience with. Each comment proves that more. I think it's football that's your thing, if memory serves, and honestly I like to think I'm wise enough to not argue about it with you as I have no understanding of it. It's kind of like that.

???? Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > eg Tesco & Asda on the old Old Kent Road...Lidl > Peckham, ASDA Waterlooville just a few others that > I know...it's not some yummy mummy SE22 conspiracy > you know it's the norm! Or how about everywhere I've ever lived, including other cities in other countries. I've never heard anyone elsewhere make a deal out of it but when it happens it ED well let's bitch it about until it unravels. Of course people take buses as well, but instead of a once or twice weekly trip it becomes every couple of days because you can't get much home in the bottom of a buggy. And yes there's online shopping etc blah de blah blah but seriously as someone pointed out there's enough sh*t and misery in the world I would hope that kicking a few tired beaten down mothers would be a bit less sporting. DJKillaQueen I'm sure there are loads of people out there wishing you WOULD take their child grocery shopping so you can get a "good" parking spot. It's super jolly fun taking small children to the shops (and on buses, and in cars and pretty much anywhere really) and you might get a better sense of what it's like to rely on the kindness of strangers.

Isn't that what parents have been basically saying? Trying to get a child out of their car seat harness and then out of the car requires the door to open a bit wider. I have parked in a normal spot only to return with a toddler and groceries and find myself unable to get the door open wide enough to get him in. Is it wise to leave him in the road so I can back the car out before getting him in? Obviously not. So I open my door as far as the car next to me will allow and squeeze in. It's ridiculous and avoidable. When I am alone I don't care where I park, makes no difference. Can't it just be common sense to acknowledge the fact that some people require a bit more space for safety? It's not personal, it's practical. For the life of me I can't see how something so obvious can be so hotly debated. What a bunch of Grinches!

Personally I use the family space so that I don't bash the sh&t out of the car door beside me trying to get my son out.

mynamehere Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > My father was in a wheelchair as a consequence of > MS for 30 years and as a City Planner he helped > rewrite the law for accessability on streets, in > buildings and of course.... parking places. > Absolutely right, there was a time in living > memory when there was no law on accessibility and > the right of everyone to do as much as possible > without a struggle. One of the first observations I made as a new parent with a giant pram to contend with is how hard it must be to try to get anywhere in a wheelchair. When my son was about two weeks old I found myself "trapped" in a shopping centre.....had been there many times before but never noticed all the stairs and couldn't lift the heavy pram due to recent c-section. Eventually tracked down a service elevator. Really opened my eyes. A civilized society takes care of it's more vulnerable members. Teeth sucking optional.