helena handbasket

Ooh the Pimm's Royale sounds brilliant. Sounds like I'll be pissed all weekend trying these out. Pity.

snowboarder Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Belle you seem to be under the misguided belief > than one buggy is enough. Clearly you can have > your 'bus' buggy, your 'car' buggy, your 'walking > around east dulwich' buggy etc....;-) We have all three of those buggy options as well. One child. I have to say that all three buggies have been very well used and I don't regret a single one, so it's not crazy!

We had the City Mini as well and it was fabulous for buggy sleeps. My son managed to fall sleep in it until he was around three yrs old (long days out type of thing). It has loads of space to stretch out and a really great sun shade the almost covers the whole child. Actually we really really loved that buggy, one hand fold and fit in a small hatchback boot. And they are quite inexpensive.

Seriously? Ugh, just when you think you've figured something out, they pull the rug out. How on earth are parents ever meant to stay sane? :))

We have done a a lot of air travel as well and I have never been allowed to push my son through "thing" (metal/x-ray thingy I guess?) so please don't count on that. It is a hassle to get them out and get the buggy on the counter but I just go slow enough that they INSIST on helping :)) Have never understood why you can't push through, but don't usually see wheel chairs go through either. I guess all the metal. Also have on a couple of occasions been made to check our big buggy rather than push it to the gate, so had to carry a very large and heavy baby through the airport. Twice. I guess I learned the hard way that a Maclaren is the only way to know that you will be allowed a buggy to the gate. As far as I know everyone allows umbrella strollers. There are a few airlines that are not consistent in their own rules and that makes these things a bit of a gamble unfortunately. I would really recommend backpacks, one big one with compartments for you and a small one for junior to carry toys and snacks. That way you always have your hands free for surprises etc., and junior (over 3 I would say) won't put his down somewhere and forget it if it's on his back. Very light backpacks are also a good way to maximize stingy carry-on allowances. I feel like a dork wearing it but a small price to pay. Oh right, hoodies on the children help to block out all the stimulation on the flight I find. If baby needs a snooze, just pull up the hood and it makes a bit of a cozy cocoon. A tip for naps in the buggy as well.

Oh yes do love the Plymouth. Haven't tried it with bitters though, sounds like I now have a plan for the weekend. Is it sad when "drinking gin" is your plan for the weekend?

Isn't gin wonderful?

mockney piers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > "Also love my G &T with a couple of slices > actually" > > I take it you mean Hendrick's Gin in which case > this is a perfectly acceptable practice, otherwise > it's just wrong wrong wrong!! But since Hendrick's already has cucumber in it it I find adding it a bit less inspired. In my G & T it's lovely. *It's the lettuce, always the lettuce.

Marmora Man Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Is it safe to drink Pimms with cucumber slices? > This could seriously affect my summer bar b q's. If it wasn't I'd be dead by now. Also love my G &T with a couple of slices actually. It's very refreshing.

"Spike" Oops doesn't work. Ah well, it was good stuff.

DJKillaQueen Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Spike Please tell me that's a Degrassi JH reference, it will absolutely make my day.

Otta Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Love - Some forumites > > Hate - Some forumites (tu) Love- Otta's sober (?;-)) insights Hate- Internet forums as sociopath magnets

If you stopped changing your posts or made any sense I might be interested in discussing this further, but you don't so in the spirit of a peaceful family room I will not engage in your style of chatter. I would hope you will respect the OP and the family room and do the same.

Vendetta? Jesus. Don't flatter yourself.

Pocket that's so unfair. You have no idea what the family history is, and children don't suddenly turn on their mothers for no reason. Ruth I have no advice but obviously I know where you're coming from and it sucks. Boundaries would be my answer, but I know how hard it is to judge how rational your boundaries are so I base mine on the gut test: if my mother's actions are making me feel ill I know she's crossed my boundaries and can set them better next time. I know, scientific right? Pocket you can borrow my mother for the weekend. See how much therapy you need by Monday. Zeban. You know full well (from previous thread) that you don't "get it" so why keep adding your unhelpful opinion? Ruth is asking for a bit of advice and insight and being told "you're wrong" is not helpful. Her feelings are what they are.

Ruth_Baldock Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Gussy, all of your (excellent) points had me > laughing into my lunch. Snigger. My Mum used to > fancy Sporticus from Lazy Town. Ew? Have met > Justin and he is LOVELY, just lovely. I've said it before......... if you turn off the sound and throw on some Barry White, Sportacus is much easier to appreciate. Ignore the moustache as well (although it took me ages to notice he had one, if you know what I mean). Oh the shame.

Benefit BOING. Would not live without it.

Now I've had a chance to read the whole thread, and one issue comes to mind: if the breast feeding supporters are so keen to increase knowledge and understanding in new mothers, why on earth would they target the ones who are already the kind of people who inform themselves about issues? Their target can't be those who routinely inform themselves through the BBC or read the Telegraph or do online searches for advice for that matter. These are already informed people. Someone mentioned earlier that there is a more obvious target audience which would be younger, less educated women or perhaps those with inadequate access to assistance. And if that's the case, they need support in loads of other areas as well including prenatal health, diet, etc so to single out breast feeding is short sighted. Soooooooo, if the mainstream media is obviously not trying to "enlighten" the target mothers, what are they trying to achieve? Obviously it's dirty social politics and nothing else. Which is what has polarized us. In my mind, the best way to describe why intelligent women who FF get so worked up is this: (I was one BTW) There is a line drawn in the sand, Breast feeders vs. Formula feeders If you are breast feeding, you are experiencing success. Those who are experiencing success need less support because....they are already blessed with the feeling of success. Everybody I have ever known to formula feed has done it in response to an issue. This means not experiencing success. Not feeling successful means feeling like a failure. What do we do for people who are failing? We support them. Ironically though in this instance, we are only prepared to support these failures by insisting they keep working at failing. This is what drives us insane! And this is what can't be understood without living it. I've only ever known (to my knowledge) two people who didn't breast feed at all. One friend had breast reduction in her 20's and so something wasn't working. The other had epilepsy and required strong anti-convulsants. The hideous part of her story is that she felt so much pressure to try to BF that she went off her meds, had a seizure, and dropped the baby. Anyone who pretends that this pressure does not exist has blinders on.

When I was struggling with BF, PND, and whatever new mother torture you can add it seemed like similar headlines were in every paper, every day. "Formula fed babies are fat and stupid!" "Formula babies will die an early death of horrible things!" "Formula babies will be in jail by 18!" "Breast fed babies are better at everything!" "Studies show mums that feed formula hate their babies!" Obviously these are fictional, but absolutely how they read to me at the time. It continues to bother me how mentally/emotionally/physically fragile new mothers can be and how dangerous the language our society uses can be to them. I expect better from the BBC to be honest. Edited to add: jennyh you are right. To the mother is is just struggling to get her baby fed those messages are everywhere, and your examples are evidence that the formula companies are not exactly as powerful as made out to be if they have been forced to put that on their website.

Hi Cuppa tea, sorry your thread got a bit odd there. Back to your OP..... I think that when we have children we become so incredibly vulnerable that we need assurance all the time. If we did not have that relationship with our mother before, it's not likely to suddenly be natural to her. I'm just guessing, but it sounds like there might be some previous issues between the two of you? In my case I found it much easier to not worry about it when I was younger because I was in uni, spending time with friends etc. and generally not needing as much connection. But when I had my son it really hit home how much I wished I had a mum who could be relied on and not make me always feel worse. You get tricked over and over, right? You think it's something you're doing, and if you could just be nicer this time everything will be fine and so you try again because you need "a mum". But remember, before you came along your mum might have been that woman at work that nobody gets along with! Our mums are as varied as our babies. When my son was born I asked my parents to give me a week or so for us to be home alone as a family. As it turned out I was scheduled for a c-section my parents offered to come sooner to help. I was so scared and vulnerable that I actually thought that my mother was coming to help! I said yes and they turned up the next day. For the next week they totally took over holding my baby while I ended up in the kitchen making meals and learning how to deal with bottles (I think I could have established BF better had they just left us alone!) Post surgical I should add! None of this bed bliss for mother and baby, I was running a B&B AND not getting to hold my new babe. A few weeks later as a Christmas present my mother gave me a photo album completely full of photos of her and the baby. Not a single one of me, or my husband, or our new little family. Just her. This was the moment I knew that things were not going to be "that way" for us. I think if the issue is just parenting styles than it can be more easily fixed maybe? I can't think of any style that is so extreme as to be really obvious. I took a lot of flack from my family for having my son's sleep scheduled but not a single one of them ever came to offer to help me when I was mental with sleep deprivation and PND so I didn't give their opinions much thought. I do think if you are disagreeing over parenting styles there must be something a bit deeper that's coming out through that. My mum's family are all bullies. I have never minced words on here about how I feel about categories for parents..... AP, CC, BF etc. to me is all a load of BS because none of it really matters in the long haul. If there is lots of love and hugs and your child feels like a worthwhile person than you've won the game. The rest is about you. Adults have different sleeping styles, do we ask each other about that? We all eat different foods, different times of day but nobody cares. What difference does it make? That's the part I learned early on, when someone asks I just think "why do you care?" and move on. I'm actually quite a strong advocate in some ways for structure because I never had any and consequently I got everything wrong, all the time. In hindsight the seeds for what would become generalized anxiety disorder were planted firmly by the time I was 7 or 8. When you don't know what's expected of you but you know you will be punished verbally when you get it wrong, it makes you a nervous wreck. There now I've gone off the rails again! I just want to add: I read all the time in parenting books that one must keep a cool head, be the adult and all that. But I realize that in a parent/child relationship age is irrelevant. If the parent is not acting like the adult, the child can't either. And if the parent is your adult mother acting like a teenage bully........... Hmmmmmmm

I'm not venting on here at all. Somebody asked a question and I answered it in the way I know how to answer it, which is honestly. There is no such thing as an adult conversation with my mother. She has a similar relationship with her parents and siblings BTW. Lucky for them their entire self development wasn't reliant on her moods like mine was though.

"Why are you so defensive anyway HH?" Omg are you serious? Now I'm "laughing out loud". And done "publicly shaming myself" for being honest about a really CRAPPY part of life. *I guess you have just edited your post (which was crappy!) so mine no longer makes sense.

zeban Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HH, don't you think it's time you forgive your > Mum? > > We all make mistakes and when we become adults is > when we realise that being human means being > imperfect. I don't know your mum or the extent of > your issues with her but I've had my ups and downs > with my Mum and finally in the last few years I > have really took it upon myself to understand her, > and now I forguve her and our relationship is > great and I'd hate it to be anything else. I've > been to counselling and mourned the things I feel > I was let down on/didn't have. > > You only have one Mum in life and I have friends > who lost theirs a long time ago. I can imagine my > relationship might get abit difficult with my Mum > when I have children although it might not be, but > it sounds as though yours is just a continuum of > what your relationship has been like for a long > time. Calling your Mum a crap Mum is horrible and > quite frankly sounds a bit childish. You're an > adult now afterall. > > Also, maybe she had/has depression? Yes she has depression. Obviously. Is that an excuse? I have spent 25 years pleading with her get therapy etc. but apparently I'm not worth it to her. I didn't say she was a crap mum. I said the way she has treated me my entire life is crap. I actually think it's funny that the best way to respond to a post I write about being called names and blamed and shamed by my mother is to call me a name and blame and shame me. Childish? I've been called worse......... by my own mother! Seriously Zeban, I'm not sure you are grasping the situation.......

Thanks Sillywoman! I agree with all you've said. I think I used to not talk about it to protect her, if you can imagine. But I don't feel like she's done much to protect me and frankly internalizing it for 30++ years wasn't healthy, so what is there to lose? But you know what? I've come a long way and done some amazing things and I have done it without a bit of help, so as far as I'm concerned her crap just made me faster, smarter, stronger. Still, life is hard and being an "emotional orphan" is lonely. I have always desperately wanted a normal mum, and I know that I will never know what that feels like. I'm still coming to terms with that but being a mum has turned my attention to the sunshine of my son rather than her dreary clouds!

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Hope you've stopped putting a whole pot of salt > onto every child's meal though I seem to remember that being the Florence?