dulwichmum

MR WOLF! I have warned you about smut...(glares) And as for you Michael, my husband is an athletic mountain of a man with fabulous bone structure. How VERY dare you... You know how I adore my man (sob)

Darling Keef, Mines a pint... of Gordon's

Sweet Jah Lush, I'll have you know that I have the perfect and unblemished skin of a 19 year old... I shall have it stretched and displayed on a canvass very soon - that minx was making sheeps eyes at my darling man. Does anyone know a good au pair at a lose end? I do NOT consider hot pink acrylic hotpants and a white halter neck bikini top to be appropriate work attire...

Darling Mr Maurice, How very kind of you to invite me (runs perfectly manicured hand through glossy mane). However, I am a very busy and influencial member of local society, NOT a performing sea lion! I am busy with some difficult plastic guttering at the moment, and after that I dare say that I may be confined to my bed with heat stroke. This weather is simply not ideal for those of us in the building trades.

*GIN* (less calorific than Chablis and I must look after my ...er... health)

*Smiles lovingly at Kalam* "Where is Michael, please someone, where is Mr Paleoglogusoleliticualus?" *Faints*

My dear Mr Maurice, Whatever do you mean "new money"? I'll have you know that there has been stacks of cash in my husband's family for generations (bats eyelashes). I find your insinuations most alarming. And as for you Mr Wolf, How quickly you forget! May I remind you that I smoke roll ups or a pipe and it was in fact a pack orange Rizzla papers that I requested, along with some Kendal Dark Shag.

*Wafts into hilarious thread in full length flowing pure silk kaftan* Can I offer anyone a nice tall G&T? Ice and a slice sweetie? Vino anyone?

Stares at Mr Wolf, wide eyed in disbelief ... *faints*

Leans over side of enormous handbag and fishes out enormous fly swatter. "And now to eliminate a pest (sigh)" *SWAT*

I actually agree with Kalam re the knitting! I have purchased some stunning cashmere wool and am knitting myself a fab twinset for Winter! Keep your fingers busy.

Couldn't you send your driver ahead of you with your work clothes? The way David Cameron does?

Darling LegalEagle-ish, Why don't you try changing your tipple? I have given up Chablis and I am trying gin for a while. I decided that the vino had too much calorie involvement and if I need something to help me blurr the edges, I shall have gin - which I hate. I shall let you know how I get on. I too am bored...

I want to know, where was the nanny while all of this was going on? They sound like such nice people - with their lovely speaking voices and everything!

Sits up suddenly and pulls skirt down to conceal bare knee. Stands up and rushes to door "I am supposed to be enjoying a weekend of family fun at The Grove (I know that sounds like a bit of a contradiction!)"... Turns and walks slowly back to the bar. "I would like a glass of tin and tonic, a tall glass with ice and a slice,hell, pass me the damn bottle!"

Dear friends, I do not live in nasty Norwood or vile Gipsy Hill - you will find that they are both Lambeth, and I could NEVER live in Lambeth (stamps foot). I shall have you know that an in and out drive is essential for me, and as I have young children, separate staff quarters on my enormous plot are a must. I have not been active on the Forum as I have been sulking for weeks, since I was threatened by one of the Forumites. He emailed and said that he was going to do something medieval to me (gulp). As so many of you are clearly aware, I am a lady, and very easily intimidated (wipes tear from eye)...

Living on the Dulwich estates is a bonus, not a draw back. They have stopped so many of the fabulous, capacious homes on my road being divided into multiple dwellings. Mr Sentor (the estates architect) is very handsome and nothing but helpful (bats eyelashes). Court Lane is a rat run and Woodwarde by far the more sedate place to live, clearly. Alleyn Road is the best road in SE21 (sigh). Obviously it is out of reach for so many of you on here, but hey ho, it gives you something to aspire to (smirk). Anyone for G&T?

You called?

NO! Please tell me this is not true... Women in Dulwich, accepting cash in exchange for ...er... an intimate relationship? OH MY GOD!!!

Indeed brum, I did say that. Then I apologised and said this: "Lovely Mikecg, I apologise. I don't mean to take a pop at you particularly or make you feel bad about yourself. This forum has just collapsed into ruins lately, and I miss it. I am disappointed because it was a genuine secret pleasure of mine for a long time. None of the conversation on here is interesting or relevant anymore. I once read every thread, relevant to me or not. Look at that football thread for example. It is just base and rude. East Dulwich has improved, but this forum has gone down hill. I'm off... Toodle pip." I have subsequently received one abusive PM and two similar emails. I was wrong to single out Mikecg, but he answered the first post I put up about this issue and it just blossomed from there. The forum has gone right off the boil and lots of people are aware of it. I also PMd Mikecg in an effort to pour oil on the water when he first sent me an abusive PM. This is not ok.

BBW, I am letting everyone know what has been emailed to me via my blog, because I will not be bullied privately by someone who has a gripe from the forum. I do not accept abusive private messages either. Brum, I am not whiter than white. I brought all of this up because the tone of this forum has gone to pot. I apologised on this forum to Mikecg and said that it was not all directed at him. I do not accept it that I should allow someone to post me abusive messages as a result of this which I am expected to keep to myself.

OHMYGOD! Look at the lovely email I just received from Mikecg! Hello Dulwichmum, You are being contacted via Dulwichmum by Mikecg. Mikecg has provided the following information so you may contact them: Email: [email protected] Phone: Website: http:// Subject: To make a comment Message: You are a CUNT.(this word has been edited by admin but it begins with c) best wishes Mikecg

I'll have you know I am a smut free zone! Mr Suburbs meant you, you big mangey dog...

Who? Me? OH MY GOD!

*Puts hands on hips and glares...*