dulwichmum

I do not allow my poppets to have TVs in their bedrooms (4 and 6 years). I feel that they should be engaged in imaginative play, doing their homework, reading and playing the violin. If I find that they have been watching too much TV, I will be forced to come home early from work in order to severely chasitise the au pair. What do I pay her for if she is not entertaining my muchkins during every waking hour (outside school ... clearly)?

Darling HeidiHi, If you only knew the hardship I endure. Each time I pick up one of these girls at Herne Hill Station (well, they didn't honestly expect me to drive to Luton now did they?), they present me with an obscure home made sausage from their father, a lump of vacuum pack sheeps cheese from their mother and a large acrylic hand knit bed jacket from their grandma (which can look rather Missoni-esque in a certain light). Each time they leave my sobbing children in the gravel drive, the only thing they leave behind in their room over the garage is a miriad of Primark shopping bags and (no doubt) an infestation of thread worms in one of the better schools in SE21. I despair. Since the introduction of the minimum wage - it has become impossible to find good home grown help in this country...

My munchkins are at a private school in Dulwich and since September they have both come home with notes warning of scabies, impetigo, head lice, diarrhoea, mumps, chicken pox, verrucas and worms. I have a good mind to wrap my poppets in cling film and forcing them to wear surgical masks before dropping them off each morning. I would love to disagree with HeidiHi about the rampant prevalence of these infections but I can't. I blame the au pairs. They are clearly bringing these infestations into the country from lesser developed countries, and should be boiled in oil, scrubbed with nail brushes, and have their luggage set on fire as soon as they touch down in Luton Airport.

Michael - you never mentioned there that you wanted to be married to that beautiful woman first - shame on you, lowering the tone!

I hate the word "Yay" - I'm sorry, can we tuck this thread into the back of the au pairs broom closet?

I feel so sorry for Britney (not enough to employ her as an au pair you understand), she was virtually sold into slavery by her mother, and has genuine paralels (how am I to be expected to spell that damn word with drink taken?) with Michael Jackson. Amy on the other hand I feel sorry for because she will be finding it hard to work out who her real friends are, and is probably receiving threatening emails from people who are clearly local to her. She is probably feeling genuinely threatened. It is Amys children I feel sorry for, they didn't ask for any of this, and who will come to Freya's birthday party? (hic...thud...crash)...

Darling KalamityKel, Why don't you simply chop off the offending limb, boil all of your clothes in a big pot,and burn down your house. I am sure it is the only way forward under the circumstances, and by the way, please don't be offended if I move seats (OHMYGOD - RUN FOR THE HILLS, KALAMITYKEL IS CRAWLING!!!).

Thanks lovely Keef - I feel cleansed!

Darling Newsummer, You are too kind, but as you are offering, I should imagine that a couple of weeks going cold turkey in your coal hole would do the young lady the world of good!

Lovely Sean, that made me laugh - it is hard to think in a straight line with a child sitting on your knee showing me her nail polish! Whispers to Mr Mockney - whose closet? (I am a right ejet!) Did you see this Sean? http://whythatsdelightful.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/you-know-what-i-did-vic-i-didnt-think-it-through/ I would have loved to come out to play last night, but no babysitter.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life: Waitress in coffee shop (at Uni), Graduate trainee in super city PR firm, wife/mother - the most difficult job of all...ever, (hic), Senior manager in super city PR firm B.) Four movies I would watch over and over: Gentlemen prefer blondes, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Pretty Woman, Marnee. C) Four places I have lived: Beckenham, France, Denmark Hill, West Dulwich (the centre of the entire Universe sweetie!). D) Four television shows I watch: Sex and the City, 10 Years Younger (compulsive viewing), Question Time, Coronation Street (OHMYGOD - promise you will not tell a soul) E ) Last Four places I have been on holiday: Bedruthan Steps in Cornwall, our apartment in New York, Sandy Lanes in Barbados (in order to recover from my munchkins antics at Christmas), Whistler in Canada (the only place to ski) F) Websites I visit daily: Net a Porter, The Boden Catalogue, The Little Fashion Gallery, SheerLuxe.com G) Four of my favourite foods: Pate de fois gras, scallops, stilton, brussels sprouts H) Four places I would rather be right now: Hiding in my walk in wardrobe with a bottle of chablis and a copy of Martha Stewart Wedding magazine (sob), drinking a superb coffee in a bar in Buenos Aires, shopping in Gill Holland (dans le village) with my husbands Black American Express card, chasing Michael Popadopalopagus around the quiet room with Batdog in top gear. But actually.... A) Four jobs I have had in my life: nurse, midwife, health visitor, university lecturer B.) Four movies I would watch over and over: Marnie, The Commitments, The usual suspects, Gentlemen prefer blondes C) Four places I have lived: North Dublin, Camberwell, East Dulwich, West Dulwich D) Four television shows I watch: Top Gear, Catherine Tate, Father Ted(DVD over and over), Jakers E ) Last Four places I have been on holiday: France, Wales, Cornwall, New York. F) Websites I visit daily: East Dulwich Forum, Yahoo Mail, Why thats delightful (blog by Graham Linehan), BBC G) Four of my favourite foods: Frys Chocolate Cream, butter, Superquinn sausages, brussels sprouts H) Four places I would rather be right now: Having a lovely coffee in a bar in Buenos Aires, in my mothers kitchen in Dublin eating a white bread and Superquinn sausage sandwich, in my friend Sarah's kitchen dipping a chocolate homewheat in a big mug of tea, I am actually really happy here in my little house in West Dulwich watching my children playing on the Wii.

Or you could put an ashtray on the wall - just to give them a hint?

Thats my point. I now think it sounds really rather intollerant to say - "well I want to eat my meal/drink my pint/read my paper in a child free space." Children are a vital part of our society. No-one would put up with anyone saying "I want to eat/drink and read my paper in an Irish free space - because Irish people are so loud" for example. We should be far more inclusionist (is that even a word?). It seems as though little children are being sidelined and villified, and it is really unhealthy for them not to have the great example of tolerant adults all around them.

I think that if we want to change children's behaviour in public places, we should be more welcoming and accommodating of them. It seems as though they are the only group that are publicy marginalised and descriminated against. I have found myself saying; "you can come in to this restaurant as a special treat, but if you draw attention to yourself it is straight home and onto the naughty step..." I think that the children in London are all suffering from anxiety, and it will do nothing for their self esteem. I have a good mind to toss the bloomin organic banana chips and raisins into the bin and start again. Everything I have taken for granted about parenting seemed irrelevant last weekend in Disneyland. The kids were pumped full of E numbers, but they were chilled out and it was really amazing.

Darling Mr Nero, I hear occasional complaints from my household staff ... clearly!

The children in Disneyland Paris that I am talking about in particular were British. Even on the Eurostar (which went straight to Disneyaland Paris) - the kids were energetic but accommodated and welcome and the usual angst about behaviour (which is really familiar to me as a parent) was just not there. It was genuinely remarkable. That whole row we get into in our house about "that's my plate and I want the water in the cup before the juice" just was not there, there was no shrieking at all. The children were all happy and chilled. It was genuinely odd. Everything was centred around the kids. The waiting staff served them first and asked them what they wanted to eat directly. I saw buckets of sweets and pop consumed, and it just didn't seem to be any harm. Not for a special occasion. The kids were the centre of attention - not a source of anxiety or embarassment. I would never have considered taking the children there before, but now I am a complete convert and I want to take my children there for a nice honeymoon together. I am completely serious. I think that the more I try to dampen down their behaviour (this is certainly true of my parenting), the more anxiety I cause my children to experience and it just becomes a destructive cycle. I think that we should be much more accommodating and welcoming of children, genuinely. I think that kids in London are suffering from anxiety and that is where the outragous behaviour comes from.

I spent last weekend in Disneyland Paris (without the children - it was a press type trip and not my idea to go without them) and I never saw a single child having a tantrum. The restaurants were teeming with children and they were embraced and celebrated. It really was eye opening. I think that our society is far too intollerant (did I spell that properly?) of children. In Europe apparently the children are welcome everywhere. I think that the idea of children being seen and not heard is actually rather tragic. What can oppression do to a young child's developing sense of self esteem? My children scream the house down and I feel at times as though I am losing my mind. I console myself by believing that it is just part of their normal growth and development. Before I had children I was full of advice for others, but every child is different, there is no "one size fits all" solution. Some kids just love the sound of their own voices... like their parents!

Bus drivers who don't stop when there is room on the bus.

*Flings old lion bone out from behind screen* "Yum!"

Disneyland Paris ... but don't tell the poppets as we didn't bring them! I was invited by Disney to come and sample it's delights and blog about it!!!

Dear Lilolil, What a star your baby is! I just returned from a weekend away and my poppets were actually working on giving their grandparents heart attacks.

OHMYGOD! This is filth. I shall report simply everyone involved, I have Father O'Connor on speed dial...

Oh Bara, good for you. What a nice person!

Any more, now there are three of us! Michael, Peckhamgatecrasher and me! I am going I promise. I can't wait and I am planning my wardrobe already. I am going as a priest's housekeeper and ordering a dress type wrap around apron on the net right now.

Good for you sweetie, well done you. If you don't want it can I have it? I would love to be a "Lady." How do you get to be called that - I am already a lady in so many other ways...