dulwichmum

How very dare you! Was I alone in my admiration of Take That and Lord Gary of Barlow? http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/arts/2007/03/08/takethat460.jpg

Actually Michael darling, one of my cats is called Beluga, and I didn't eat him either! Here have some on a cracker...

I shall text the au pair and tell her to bring blini's and sour cream. I love Beluga darling. Do you have a tin opener?

Bounces into quiet room with enormous tray of Mojito Royale's and begins to flounce about distributing them to all. Look guys, I have been shortlisted for this! Now I just wonder who could possibly have nominated and voted for me? Should I have Botox and a colonic just in case I win?

Lovely darling Mellors, OHMYGOD! I so love to say that name... you can call me mLady. I would love a couple of feathers from that Kingfisher for my hat, but a lovely new handbag would be good too! A good game keeper is always an asset!

I love Hope and Greenwood, I didn't really get it until someone bought my munchkins "sweet ration books" for Christmas, now they go in each Saturday morning and choose 50 pence worth of assorted sweets and chews each in cute little trays for a treat. It is the high light of our week. My poppets instantly behave themselves if I threaten to stop them going to H&G on a Saturday, and I am really proud that it started in Dulwich.

Indeedy! It is a far better meet than Ascot, I love a warm well cut coat and co-ordinating enormous brimmed hat. That reminds me, I must buy some new leather gloves. Far too many people turn up for Ascot in stretch white limousines wearing cheap clingy acrylic dresses displaying the line of their inadequate underwear if you ask me...

Darling JustDesserts, How incredibly caustic and vitriolic you are. I wonder if you registered with the forum simply to pour you venom out online?

Michael - you stand head and shoulders above most other men (apart from my darling husband ... clearly), indeed Mr Karter, there is undeniable chemistry between myself and Mr Batdog, and myself and Michael (you are a scamp) and I have an undeniable crush on Sean MacGabhann - but some things are best left unsaid - don't you think (sigh...). Mr Keef and Mr Mockney are shockingly handsome too actually,...OHMYGOD! What am I saying???

Lovely Benjaminty, I genuinely have no idea what you could possibly mean. I am so terribly innocent in the ways of the world, a sort of South East London version of Heather Mills McCartney - but with perfect pins... Darling Ratty, What is a grade 3? Is that some form of threading?

Poor Michael, I suggest that you rub some Deep Heat in that open wound. I have limited knowledge about anything medicinal, but I am sure it would soothe. Ant! You have taken my breath away!!! But I should imagine that the pain of the act you are describing would not be at all dissimilar to that of waxing. It all seems quite unbelievable to me - that people would elect to do this every 4 to 5 weeks. OHMYGOD!

Is this becoming mainstream then? OHMYGOD! I am so very last year.

So Banjaminty, you really and seriously have yourself depiliated? Are you a young man? Perfect Michael and Keef, I am relieved to hear that you do not indulge in these practices. I think that a man should be fluffy, I consider it a sign of verility. It is terribly masculine afterall, you should see my housekeepers top lip - a joy to behold. Is waxing genuinely something that the average single man would consider normal though? The girls in work say that anything less is dreadfully unhygienic. I am trying to keep up with the young people, but since Ipods/MSN/Skype came on the market, it all seems to be getting away from me. My munchkings are so very young, I am just trying to stay current. I want to be able to relate to them when they are teenagers.

In the name of God! You are joking. Please tell me you are joking? This is not really mainstream behaviour is it?

http://www.blushingbuyer.co.uk/product_images/Medium/4HEAD;Warehouse;Warehouse.jpg OHMYGOD! I know, I just could not possibly ever say that dreadful phrase. I must go and get my 4head stick from my handbag, I am nauseated. Surely this is just for fetishists and those who have intimate "metalwork" and drive Ford Capri's?

I have had the most frightful experience. The girls in work have been telling me how the current fashion in London is for men to wax off their body hair - all of it! It is apparently called a BSC. I had thought that this was the kind of thing that was carried out by nasty marines in Guantanamo Bay. Please could someone reassure me that the girls are sending me up? I need to lie down - I fear I may be getting one of my heads...

Jah Lush and *Bob*! Shame on you both. This is disgraceful talk - and me a married lady afterall... everyone knows there is no sex after marriage.

I love Valentine's day, but why oh why does it have to be slap bang in the middle of Lent when a girl has given up chocolate and confectionery? I think that I would love one of those super heart shaped glass pendants from the window of Moo Too - from the children's private swimming instructor at Dulwich College (sigh). James can buy me diamonds - I would never accept anything less from my smiling man...

This is completely frightful. The poor unfortunate man. His confidence must be shattered. The people who did this are animals. What part near the station looks posh Mr Chin? Gipsy Hill is indeed a dreadful toilet of a place, I agree with Mr Snorky. They should build a wall around it and guard it with sub machine guns. Actually, Norwood is horrid too. Could we not have a great big wall around Gipsy Hill, Norwood, and Brixton and Peckham as well? Er... actually, why don't we just create a huge gated development called Dulwich (SE21 and SE22). We could get some great big dogs and athletic testosterone fueled security men wearing combat trousers and large boots. I should imagine that the security men would have enormous rough skinned hands and very short hair... OHMYGOD! I have drunk that last glass much quicker that I thought, I will just go and lie down for a while...

A girl can dream. Sniff...

Go get him Batdog...

God I look stunning!

Dear Wee Quinnie, You are right, I am off to rehab. An afternoon at Leslie Lille Green in the Village should do it...

Dear Dulwichflower, Why do you have to work at all? Couldn't you simply marry well and get a man to support you? I mean really sweetie, there is a great gym on Lordship Lane, a shop that sells silkey pants and somewhere else to get your hair and nails done. Lets not have any more of this irrational talk. It is indeed time to change your career, why not just get yourself married? Just be sure that he owns his own house and can afford to pay for a nanny.

My God - but that was a good party. This place needs a good airing, I shall have my housekeeper get right to it with a damp duster and her trusty Nilfisk 90!