littleEDfamily

I'm pretty sure the place you're talking about is the development my hubby bought his first flat in in 2000. We lived there for 5 years before moving to ED. Personally, I would not want to live there again. I never had any trouble there and our neighbours were mostly fine (couple of nut jobs, and an unfortunate incident in which one of the neighbouring flats became infested with roaches, but you know...). Aside from it feeling a bit rough, the worst part is there is just nothing to do (except go swimming at the pulse!). It's just not the kind of place you can pop out for a wander in (well you could, but I never enjoyed doing that much). So, um, if you can afford a better area, then do what you can, but it's not so so bad...

We kept nappies and babygrows in little baskets in the living room down the side next to the sofa out of view and had a plastic change mat that we just hoofed under the sofa to store away. Worked really well.

I must admit that some nights I go down the 'one spoon for baby, one spoon for mama' route with the Hipp Organic Vege Lasagne/ Spag bol/ chicken risotto - it just saves me making myself a meal (or keeps me going long enough to get the kids in bed). Pathetic but true. I also love the Organix baby crisps. Yum....

I'm hearing you on the double edged sword - we spend every other night before bedtime spending 10 fraught minutes saying 'Where is lamby, where did you put him, c'mon, think... that's why you shouldn't take him everywhere...'....hmm yes. Great idea to introduce 'the chosen' one while feeding. Might stop her pinching me! I will try.....

Our elder daughter has a favourite teddy, which always seemed a comfort at sleep time and also soothes her at other times. Our baby shows no interest to in anything particular. I think some attachment to an object may come in useful at various times, but how do I get her to take an interest and fall in love???

The flight is fine. It's the torture of being woken at ridiculous hours for a week or so after you get there by small people with jet lag (when you are also knackered, as let's face it, it is a long flight and aeroplanes make you feel yuck). I find the family is great at letting you offload sprogs during the day, but there aint many offers to get up to 2am (do I sound bitter, do I???????????) And, unfortunately really little babies mainly need their mamma, so even during the day you may not get to escape/ rest as much as you may hope for (once again, do I sound bitter!!!????) On the plus side a really small baby does sleep a lot so at least there is a good chance you can persuade them back to sleep promptly if they awaken in the night and during the flight.

What about working out a nanny share arrangement within an established arrangement. It may be that you can cut a deal with a family that you pay for minimum amount of hours, and then increase them on an ad-hoc basis. If that family can essentially afford to pay for the nanny on their own, then they may be able to be flexible in offsetting their costs on an ad hoc basis (and giving the nanny a chance to earn a bit extra). Not explaining myself very well, but hopefully you know what I mean.

I too have a 10.5 month old - she enjoys chewing on toothbrushes immensely - we sort of brush them when she is in the mood for it, but not too worried about it. The dentist told me I should brush her teeth, but although I understand your concerns about wanting to brush after bottle, but I think at this age as long as the food is out their teeth when they go to bed, it's all good. You may want to try and let him play with a toothbrush so that he gets used to it and then just do a spot of brushing when the moment seems right.

So she's sleeping in the bednest at night!? What a result! (I've failed with daytime naps with our second).

Cuppa I think there is something in your point about mums feeling unable to separate your parenting experience from their own. I find that pretty much any other woman who has had kids finds it impossible not to 'relive' how they parented their babies. My MIL talks non-stop about how her kids were as babies ever since we have had our kids. I suppose they can't help but compare, and those comparisons must sometimes lead to complex and painful emotions. Conversely, my favourite Aunt who never had children is completely non-judgemental about the whole childraising thing and a wonderful support (not that there aren't grandmothers out there that aren't like this, but you get my drift)

Having caught up on this thread, all I can think about is how much I don't want my girls to be writing these sorts of things about me in 30 years' time! I may even print it off for future reference!

I don't have a problem with my mother in law and unfortunately my mother is no longer around, BUT I can definitely empathise on the 4 year old behaviour thing...I've found my daughter has become much harder to handle since her sister came along. And, for the record, I have a more authoritative style of parenting and I'm not having much luck either. I think sometimes parents/ parents in law have a slightly rose tinted view of how things were when we were young. My dad is definitely like that (unrealistic expectations of my kids and believes absolutely we were perfect!) I'm not sure there is anything that can be done, although I have the sort of relationship with my Dad where I can tell him to shut it when he gets out of line. I reckon the reason it is so infuriating when we feel our parents are criticising our parenting is that on some level we haven't totally grown up and want to please them, so what I have done to cope when I feel anxious is try to convince myself it doesn't really matter if he doesn't agree with my approach: not his kids, not his problem - and I try to be flippant and humorous about it. When you think about it, it is totally ridiculous how wound up people get about the 'right' way to bring up kids. It's not like we're stablising a nuclear reactor or anything and I think we could all do with lightening up about it sometimes...(says the person who was nearly in tears on Friday after being told for about the twentieth time 'You're NOT MY BEST FRIEND', by my 4 year along with feet stamping, throwing of toys....is she the 21st century incarnation of Veruca Salt...sometimes I wonder...?)

Love it!!

Yes, I'd like to know about it too!

How did I miss this thread til now!!!? My heart was pitter-pattering at the posts discussing my second daughter's name (mostly nice comments thank goodness, but find myself wanting to scream 'DON'T STEAL MY NAME - it's mine -alllllll miiiinnnnneee!) Back to the OP - my husband desperately wanted Bailey for both our daughters. It's his mother's maiden name. I was not having it: 1. It is a dog's name (labrador in my opinion) 2. It reminds me of Party of 5 (that TV show about these kids raising themselves) 3. Um... it's too American (despite the fact my kids have quite 'American names') Names I never got to use that I still like: Anouk Anais Georgia Austin Alice Celeste Hope Faith My cousin called her little one Boudica. We call her Boo. It's cute.

A great read. But it has me thinking.. how do you tell the difference between PND and the normal-I'm-just-ferkin-knackered blues? Be great to hear how other mums who have had PND 'knew' when they'd crossed 'the line'...

Sporthuntor Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Enough with that stat already - what about how > many got 1st 2nd choices etc? Getting 5th & 6th > choices is really not a good indicator of > satisfaction... Agree!!! What is that Mark Twain said about lies, damn lies and statistics...

Ramble66 - we have similar tastes! Would you be willing to share your hummous receipe?

I consider myself quite educated about healthy eating, but in the heat of the hungry moment, sometimes all roads seem to lead to toast. Sometimes I can't even be bothered to toast it and I just eat it, semi stale with butter. So annoying as I actually like healthy food, but am so shattered there are days I don't have the energy to get the right stuff into the house or even if I have it, I cannot even remember what goes with what. Today I couldn't even be bothered to think about what to have for lunch and instead ate half a jar of cold baby food (vege lasagne) and a few apple rice crackers for lunch. I generally get it together for dinner, but now baby is crawling and cruising I feel like I cannot leave her alone for long enough even to feed myself during the day. The strap on her high chair has broken and she is now trying to escape even from that. Blah blah, woe is me... But thanks for starting this thread. Good reminder that I can do a little better on the food front. A friend of mine sits down every day at about 5pm with her two sprogs and has cucumber, carrots, hummouus and anchovies (or a variation on that) - she says at least she knows that they have all had one healthy 'meal' in the day. I like that idea - low preparation need and high health value. Quite social too.

Why is it so impossible to recognise that there are children out there who behave like thugs? As this thread so clearly demonstrates there is a huge spectrum of parents' expectations regarding what is normal, and I have no issue with that as for the vast majority this falls within what I would call acceptable (even if I wouldn't accept my children behaving as some would). Before the age of roughly 3, I would put most 'incidents' down to normal developmental aggression, however, there are some (very few, thank goodness) children who behave aggressively, without consideration for others and can be quite spiteful, as the original poster described. Crazyladies3, I'm not sure that being a realist necessarily makes me pathetic or a fool. Any parent who deludes themself about the injury that these few thoroughly unpleasant children can inflict upon other children - especially very small ones - is allowing their ideology to get in the way of their children's safety. PS edited to say I just dictionary.com-ed 'thug' and perhaps it was a bit of a strong word, and therefore am replacing with 'hooligan'. I stand by my point that there are some truly awful kids out there (not a fashionable view, I realise, and the reason I am not a teacher!)

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread. I feel really inspired now about my 'reinvention' and am taking a very strategic, careful approach to getting the right pieces, and thoroughly enjoying it. I have decided to wait until I have taken the milkers out of service in a couple of months' time before buying anything exciting (they just make me look so much more booby than I really am - eveything 'hangs off them'. It's hard to look perky when those all important 'foundation garments' are of the clippy, wirefree variety (although I did get a couple of quite sexy HotMilk ones in a sale at Oranges and Lemons, and they have been the last fronteire in my metamorphosis into complete frump.

Oh it's hard! And I have a 3.5 year gap. I was just thinking tonight that I now no longer feel hysterical for the dinner/ bed/ bath part of the day. For months I just felt I didn't have enough hands or energy to sort them both out. I do think you need to strive for a system - experiment with what works and then stick with it for as long as it continues to work. Initially I would breastfeed baby after bath while reading a story to big girl, and get her off to sleep at least to I could concentrate on persuading baby to go to bed at around the same time. Now, big girl hangs in her room after bath until baby is asleep and I then go crawl in with her for a lovely leisurely story and cuddle. I think going with the flow is all very well with only one child, but with more than one you'll run yourself into the ground unless you do as Mellors suggests and take and and all offers of help with the big one (who will most likely be very put out by the whole thing) and try and find a workable routine for whatever stage they're both at. Had a thought today, and it's slightly off topic, but something I was not prepared with with No.2 was falling completely in love with the new baby - I can only liken it to falling in love romantically where you feel giddy. This sounds all very well, but the flipside was that in a way I felt like I had fallen temporarily out of love with my older daughter. Of course I still loved her as much as ever, but it was hard for her to compete with that utter obsession I felt for the baby. I found the whole thing really upsetting as I felt so guilty about it, like I had betrayed my older chld, but now, in retrospect, it must have been the hormones (and the fact that a baby seems so angelic compared with a rampaging toddler/ pre-schooler). Thank goodness, feelings I have for them individually are now equal and my relationship with my first child is better than ever. Just wanted to mention my experience as when you have one they are your sun, moon and stars and then when the new one arrives everything (well it did for me anyway) gets so shaken up it can be quite bewildering even for a 'normal' person let alone a sleep deprived zombie of a mum! I think we spend a lot of time worrying about how the first child will cope emotionally with having a sibling and don't think we prepare ourselves adequately for how WE are going to cope emotionally. I found it very hard to keep calm when my elder child was being rough with her sister (through boisterousness, jealousy or both) as the baby seemed to tiny and the big one suddenly so very big and naughty.

Thanks ladies - so much great advice. I am going to try and sort this out myself, rather than with a stylist initially. I have thought about it and I think I know what suits me, I am have just been too lazy to apply myself to getting out there and making it happen. So, assuming I am starting from scratch and getting the essentials, what do you think about this as a shopping list and any thoughts as to the best place to go for each item: 1. Classic black trou - straight leg, dress up or down type style 2. Very cool jeans - (I am not thin enough for really skinny jeans, but I do like the look of them) 3. A complete 'going out' outfit (I have a night out with school mums in a month or two and have no idea what one might wear - I don't want to wear heels though, as heels make me angry and walk like a man) Oh where to start!!!! 4. Tops??? What sort of tops??? Does Topshop, do as the name would imply, do really good tops or will they just fall apart? 5. Shoes - I wear Bensimmon plimsouls for all of the time I am not wearing ugg boots or flipflops. Any ideas around cool flat day shoes and where to buy? 6. Summer-ish jacket (I actually have one of these - navy blue, sits at the hip - it's a classic style and very 'me') 7. Tailored shorts - like the idea of this, but what does one wear on top so as to avoid looking too American? 8. Dresses - a day dress and maybe a dressier dress 9. Cardigans (I feel like an old woman just writing that word, but sensible me says one needs at least a couple in the English climate) 10. A nice necklace? I'm going to buy Elle instead of Elle Decoration for the next couple of months!! The idea of buying a whole bunch of stuff online and then returning 3/4 of it is very appealing, but deep down I think committing to a proper day or two shopping is the way forward... PS Edited to add, I do like pretty things and prints as well as black and navy!

What about if I were to go shopping myself - do you reckon a dept store like Selfridges is the place to go, or am I best to go to say the Kings Rd or Covent Garden? Any particular shops I should focus on? I do tend to like something a bit less 'high street' not for any other reason than I like to feel (whether true or not) that I have something a bit special other people don't know about. Any up and coming designers that aren't too wacky?

Oh please don't feel quilty. A dummy for sleep is a wonderful thing. In fact it's recommended from a cot death prevention perspective. Our first daughter loved her dummy, which she had only for sleeping and was a dream sleeper. Second daughter refuses the dummy and we are permanently in sleep hell with me boobing her to comfort her - nightmare! Give her the dummy only for sleeping, and try to get rid of it before the age of 3 or earlier if you can and sleep easy....babies need to suck..