littleEDfamily

Fiercely beautiful.

pebbles - thank you - I have just had a row with my unsympathetic husband who says I am cool enough to know what suits me and would be wasting money getting a personal shopper. But I detest shopping and want a fast track to fabulousness. Perhaps your hubby could have a word and also do a bit of gentle persuasion on getting le snip...?

PS beware of accepting too much stuff from well meaning family members / friends... we are often prone to often wanting to 'get rid' and you'll end up with a house full of tut!

Many moons ago, I used to be cool and stylish. Sadly, the unfortunate combination of years of wearing boring work clothes, followed by maternity gear, breastfeeding garb and then clothes covered in stains from my grubby brood has left my wardrobe sadly lacking. I am ready to step out from the wilderness. I want good clothes again and I need advice please. I would like what they call a 'capsule wardrobe', you know things that can be worn together in a number of ways, dressed up, dressed down etc. I tend to like fairly classic stuff with a quirky twist, and don't want chuck away fashion but rather some great pieces that don't date without having to take out a second mortgage. Love dresses, scarves, classic straight black trou. Don't do heels or anything uncomfortable, but like chic not sporty or overly trendy stuff. Where would I go shopping to achieve these fanciful dreams? Help me!!!

I think this is the first time I have ever been agreed with so wholeheartedly on this forum, or life in general for that matter. I will relish this moment, fleeting though it undoubtedly is....

intexasatthe moment Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It does sound as though LED family have been > thoroughly traumatised > I have low low tolerance for bad behaviour and > have perfected this very passive aggressive > technique of giving very angry stares to children > on the brink of feral behaviour. I do detest soft > play type places and playgrounds for that matter - > seems to bring out the worst in kids and parents > (who mostly seem to be doing their best to ignore > their kids). On the few occasions I have been, I > spent all my time saying 'hey, watch it.. I'm > watching you.....'. > which I think is awful ,what a shame to feel you > have to avoid playgrounds and soft play . I am a bit of a misery guts, it must be said! Luckily hubby is the fun guy who likes those places. Also we're really blessed with friends with nice children that my kids play beautifully with while we drink tea/ wine so don't have to run the gauntlet of soft play type places too often.

I have noticed fewer shall we say, 'unruly' kids since moving out of London (sticking neck out waiting for abuse!) Did anyone else see Jamie's Dream School earlier in the week, where one of the teachers made a comment that 'urban anger' is very specific in that it tends to be more paranoid/ irrational (can't remember the exact quote). It did resonate with me, as I certainly feel calmer out here in the middle of nowhere than I ever did in London and I do think the cut and thrust of a big city can impact on children's outlook (disclaimer: I am not saying city kids are all feral!)

We too struggled after our baby was born - our elder daughter did definitely show an aggressive side to her sister that she had never previously shown and this was very trying. But that doesn't mean I think it's acceptable and if our child behaved like that to another child I would fully understand the parents going ballistic. There are some thuggish children. I'm not saying all children who have occasional outbursts of violence are thugs, but I have no doubt that other kids through nature, nurture or both are vicious and spiteful. I don't think people are being hysterical when they complain that they have been unlucky enough to encounter one.

Hi Jasmina - before we launch into it - are you just focussing on the first few months for now? If so........here are my top 5. 1. Lots of babygrows (all in one type things) 2. A good monitor 3. A cheap wipeable changemat you can use on the floor 4. A change bag you like the look of with lots of pockets 5. A baby sling like a baby bjorn (or whatever - second hand if you like)

Sorry, ????, I disagree. I would expect children of 2 or younger to have moments of violent irrationality, but a 3.5 year old scratching a 2.5 year old's face with no provocation is abnormal and disturbing.

What is wrong with these kids? I consider my daughter a bit of a handful and I can honestly say I have never seen her coming anywhere close to behaving like this. Knocking over babies - I mean really!! I have low low tolerance for bad behaviour and have perfected this very passive aggressive technique of giving very angry stares to children on the brink of feral behaviour. I do detest soft play type places and playgrounds for that matter - seems to bring out the worst in kids and parents (who mostly seem to be doing their best to ignore their kids). On the few occasions I have been, I spent all my time saying 'hey, watch it.. I'm watching you.....'. I think I would rather another parent told my child off directly - as long as it was a sufficiently serious situation - than coming to tell me. I think it is good for children to know even if their parent doesn't directly see what goes on, there are other adults about who will step in. And a stranger's telling off is often more effective....

Yes, trinity, absolutely, I have no doubt that lovely non-swearing parents exist (my own parents, for instance!). The choice I was presenting was an attempt to bring some perspective to some slightly hysterical suggestions that parents who swear are the devil incarnate. You have to be yourself when raising your children, I think. And yes, that does mean having to exercise some self-control a lot of the time, but completely suppressing your personality and need to occasionally vent I think is taking things too far. Wonderful if you are just one of those people for whom swearing just doesn't sit right, but no need to vilify otherwise great parents for the occasional lapse.

Swearing is not always totally sinister. Although I don't swear around children, my love of swearing is just part of my general love of words. Sometimes, only by swearing can I convey how I am really feeling. My dad always told me not to swear as it implied my vocabulary was lacking, but I disagree, to me they are just words; delicious, descriptive words when used in the right context. I've seen swearers come out of wonderful, warm close families where colourful language is just part of their happy banter. I'd rather a kind, happy swearer for a parent than a grumpy, repressed and holier-than-thou one.

Uurgh - yes! I woke up this morning from a night of partial co-sleeping/ trying to make her stop whinging by offering her a boob with scratch marks all over my belly. She is also pinching my lovehandles and boobs while feeding. Seriously, does anyone know how you stop them doing this?

I grew up in a non-swearing house - mum mum used to spell B-i-t-c-h if she really didn't like someone. The effect of that was that I never swore as a child and teenager. But..... I have made up for it in adulthood and just love a good swear. However.... I don't swear in front of the kids. It's just too slippery a slope for me, and although I do find it a bit of a giggle when very little children swear without really knowing what they are saying, when children swear deliberately, I think it's quite horrible. Taking after my parents, I have become a great speller of swear words. Only have another year or so before the oldest one can spell and I'll have to go cold turkey when they're around. BB100 - swearing like anything, is about context. Some people swear in the most charming way, and even when it's not charming, I think it's human to need a bit of a release now and then. Other people don't swear at all but come across all aggressive regardless. And there is a massive difference between swearing at someone (you f*cking eeedjit vs f*ck it's hot). Still, I have to be a nerd and say, don't like swearing in front of the sprogs. And yes, it is hard not to.

Assh... great to hear you did it and got some much needed r & r. Now for your next adventure...

No one is honestly suggesting forcing their husbands to get the snip. Well I'm not anyway, but it has got me thinking, in general people still do too readily assume women will just take the pill or 'sort it out' some other way. Let's not forget the physical consequences for women of unwanted pregnancy, even within the context of a long term relationship are huge. In that way, we women are fundamentally held to ransom when it comes to contraception, so I don't feel guilty at all for wanting to try and transfer some of that responsibility to the other party. You may not necessarily be a 'git' for refusing to have the snip, but ultimately the message is 'rather you than me, honey!'.

Ok, I'm going to try threats.....

I had not thought of this as a possible means of contraception. Don't know why it hadn't occurred to me, but I am very keen on the idea. Husband, disappointingly, is in the camp of 'never would consider it; I'd feel less of a man'. I even guaranteed to treble the frequency of the jigginess and he's not having a bar of it.

Hi! What you are describing is so common, its almost the norm. Almost every one of my friends felt it and many women I have dealt with professionally felt it too. At this time, you have no way to know whether this feeling is temporary or permanent, so you may need to give things more time before making any decisions (in my case I left after 18 months or so and it was the best thing I ever did!) You may want to enquire about taking a period of parental leave to sort yourself out a bit. This is unpaid leave to which you are entitled provided the business would not suffer too much from your absence. Consult your company's HR policies for more info and good luck!

Our daughter has been a handful since around 15 months. She's a wonderful, bright sweet girl most of the time, but some kids are just destined to be harder work. We are now (at age 4) seeing much fewer 'episodes' but today we had a corker over not wanting to wash her hair after swimming. On at least 3 occasions I have completely lost it and then cried - which amazingly she seemed to really 'get' and it reset the balance in my favour for a couple of weeks afterwards. But in general, I do think it is best to do whatever you can not to show you are affected by their behaviour. I think a firm telling off and ensuring you follow through with consequences is best eg. if you don't let me wash your hair, I am not reading you a book after your bath. But I also think, as long as they are not endangering themselves, you or anything valuable, and esp if you think they are tired (our daughter is definitely a different child when not well rested), try to let it go. Put them in another room and walk away. One thing that I have noticed in terms of managing my own feelings in challenging times is that, it's all or nothing for me. If I tell myself that I am not going to get wound up no matter what when it all kicks off, the 'incident' passes more quickly. Conversely, if I allow myself to get outwardly irritated, it inflames the situation and then it escalates. Good luck from someone who has been down but not out by diva antics for quite some time now!!!

I have a slightly different perspective and please don't interpret this as judging or pressuring, but really, the views anyone else about how you proceed with regards to breastfeeding are totally irrelevant, although of course it is natural to seek reassurance. What really struck a cord with me about your post is that it sounds like, in addition to the physical hell you are going through, a lot of your pain is coming from broken dreams about your the birth, the bit directly afterwards and now the nightmare of breastfeeding. All I would say is that if you have even an inkling you might regret not perservering with breastfeeding, and that it may be something that haunts you later on (I do have a few friends who have found this), maybe keep trying a little longer. Only you know yourself and your baby. Do what is best for you both, but also try and think past the now. And as the others have said, you won't be judged. PS Edited to add, don't get stressed about not enjoying this time - you have a lifetime to enjoy your lovely baby. I think for most people the idea of post natal bliss (although there are definitely moments of bliss) doesn't materialise. Half of us can barely walk, or are struggling to feed, or are worried about their baby's health etc...in the days and weeks directly afterwards and thinking 'THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!'

We are no strangers to strange pooing patterns. Our elder daughter regularly went poo free for a week or so, and I think 10 days was the record, and boy was it impressive when it finally came! With the little one, when she was exclusively breastfed, we'd find some days she would poo repeatedly and then skip the occasional day or two as well. Doesn't sound like anything to worry about to me, and the HVs I mentioned it to never batted an eyelid.

Agree that www.babycentre.co.uk is a great resource. But I think if you are reading the Forum, you'll get a much better insight into what motherhood is really like than any book! Just a reminder to put your name down asap for a midwife and NCT course.

Helenat1970 - very well put.