redjam

Blimey, you poor thing. In my totally non-expert view, yes, it definitely sounds like he's got a problem - what you're describing isn't 'normal'. Has he got any close friends who might talk to him about it? Sometimes it's easier coming from a third party rather than from the nagging wife, so to speak (I'm not suggesting you are nagging, just that he might think of it that way). Are his parents aware of the problem and might they support you if you force the issue? It sounds to me like you need lots of people around you supporting you (and him) as I don't think it's something you can tackle on your own. I have seen second-hand the devastating effect alcoholism can have on a family - you're absolutely right to try and tackle the problem before all your energy is taken up with another child. Wishing you the best of luck. P.S. Don't worry about history repeating itself with your son. You're the child of an alcoholic and you're not one yourself, are you? The person I know whose dad actually died of liver failure has a completely sensible approach to drinking himself, so it's certainly not the case that you automatically follow in your parent's footsteps.

...and, er, you might want to ask yourself how you'd get your child there five mornings and afternoons a week, forty weeks a year for the next six or so years, if it's that hard for you to pick up the form! Better start those driving lessons if you get a place...

Sorry to sound negative but I just don't really get it. On the rare occasions that I'd get 20+ people together for a night out (a birthday is about the only time this happens, realistically), I'd want to talk to them, not watch a film. I can see it working on a corporate basis if it was in central London, as a party venue which can do private screenings, but not for private individuals in a residential area, sorry... IMO, what East Dulwich needs is a proper cinema showing the latest releases, but this doesn't sound like what you're proposing. Whatever happens, I wish you well with it!

I'm also against another supermarket opening on the lane, aspirational or otherwise. It's one of the great joys of living here that there are so many thriving independent food shops - it would be disastrous to the area to jeopardise that. Edited to add: I'd be in favour if it was replacing one of the existing supermarkets, as that wouldn't affect the balance of the area. But a new one, in addition to the three we've already got: no.

I've always got my (part-time) nanny a small token gift and a cash bonus. I think about a week's wages is right. Bear in mind you're their employer so if they've provided you a good service over the year it seems right to reward them, in the same way as any employer does with its employees.

Bronte - this is exactly my experience. I too am waiting for several Amazon parcels, ordered well over a week ago in most cases. And yes, our normal post seems very light at the moment, especially as we would expect to be getting more with Christmas cards - either that or we're less popular this year than normal! I'm starting to get a bit worried that there are going to be some disappointing 'IOU' slips on Christmas day rather than actual parcels...

Keef - I know! I was a bit shocked too. And even booking then all the weekend slots had gone - hence us going on a slightly random Monday evening...

How much would I love it if there was still one there...

Aaah, it's very sweet that you're so excited about your baby's first Christmas! But do be warned that your little one might just sleep/scream through the whole thing - and that wherever you go to see Santa you'll probably find yourself queueing for ages, which can be hard work with a baby... And also bear in mind you'll have many years of doing this to come, so you might want to save it till he's old enough to appreciate the experience (not to mention the gift). But if I haven't put you off ... all the big department stores have a Santa's grotto and Selfridges is my favourite, but they get booked up well in advance - I booked our slot for tomorrow in early October! Some of the primary school fairs also have a grotto, though again you're probably too late for those now. So your best bet now might be trying a shopping centre like the Glades in Bromley, which I think is just a case of turning up and queueing on the day. My friend's kids go there every year and like it, even though my friend is slightly less enamoured with the presents they are given (one year her four-year-old boy was given a rather realistic-looking toy gun, which didn't seem to quite encapsulate the Christmas spirit). Other than that, look for Christmas markets where you might find Santa wandering around looking for a photo op! Good luck...

Sillywoman and Mellors, your stories are brilliant. My own experience went something like this: 1. Make careful plans for a homebirth and for my parents to come and look after my older daughter when it all kicks off. 2. Experience vague labour pains. Parents drop everything and drive like demons for an hour to see me. 3. Parents stay all day. Everyone is watching me expectantly. Absolutely nothing happens. Parents go home. 4. Wake up in night. More labour pains. Too embarrassed to tell anyone after yesterday's fiasco. 5. 7 a.m. Actually, bloody hell, I really am in labour! Midwife arrives. Husband phone parents who say, yeah right, we'll be there 'soon'. 6. 7.30 a.m. Baby born. Older daughter has by this time woken up and is watching CBeebies downstairs, blissfully unaware of mother screaming in agony in room above. God bless Mr Tumble. 7. 9 a.m. Parents turn up. Sigh.

Yes I agree it comes down to what you can afford but a week's wages sounds like a good benchmark. My nanny is only very part-time so we pay a bit more than that, but she is lovely and I realise she could probably earn more elsewhere so I want to reward her loyalty. To be honest I end up spending more on her than close friends or members of the family, which doesn't feel quite right, but I have to remind myself it's only reasonable that I should reward her financially at Christmas for doing a good job, like other any other employer would. I like to think my kids get paid back in kind!

Last Christmas all the parents clubbed together and bought our Reception teacher some vouchers for a posh spa beauty treatment. I thought that was a really good idea - much better than getting inundated with 30 random bottles of bath salts! Pebbles - for your childminder, have you thought about giving her a 'Christmas bonus', i.e. a sum of cash? That's what I normally do for our nanny, along with a small token present (chocs, usually) so she's got something little wrapped up. As her employer I always feel I should stump up a bit extra at Christmas. I know it's not exactly very imaginative but I always feel it's what she wants/needs most, and I put it in a card with a nice note saying how much I appreciate her to give it the 'personal' touch!

A friend of mine was in your boat and was heavily pregnant when she was learning to drive - she took her test at about 35 weeks and could barely get her bump behind the steering wheel. But she passed first time (at the age of 34) and now, with two kids, she's always saying how pleased she was that she stuck with it. I agree with the posts above - you can manage with public transport quite easily with one child, but if you're planning to expand your family in the future best to keep on with the lessons now as you'll be grateful you can drive further down the line...

I'm feeling more and more sorry for poor Kindaha, who came on here to ask an innocent question about schools and is now getting attacked for using her 'privileges of wealth to monopolise the good state schools' and being told patronisingly that her husband is feeding her misinformation. What a horrible thing to say! If you go back and look at her posts on this thread, it is very clear she did not want to start a debate about class and education - it is others who hijacked the debate, she was merely responding. I think an apology is in order, no?

Ah, good to hear a happy ending to this story!

Blimey, poor Kindaha - s/he comes on here asking a simple question about a local school, and gets treated to a long discourse on the British class system's role in education. Anyway, in answer to your question, Kindaha, Heber is a lovely school - my daughter goes there and both she and I are very happy with it, and my younger one will, with luck, start next September. It is a lively, friendly place and my daughter is thriving there. I don't have any direct experience of the nursery as my daughter didn't go there, but I have a vague impression from friends that it's not QUITE as good as the school itself, though I should stress that is total hearsay and it's by no means bad, just maybe not as excellent as the rest of the school (if anyone has kids there now I'm happy to be corrected on this!). However, I've also heard it's improving, so may be irrelevant for your child anyway. If I were you I would look round other schools so you've got something to compare it to, but realistically you are unlikely to get in anywhere else (and in fact you are lucky, as Heber is heavily oversubscribed so if it's your nearest school you have a strong chance of getting in).

My daughter (nearly 6) has been doing swimming lessons in Beckenham for nearly a year. She loves them but there's not been a great deal of progress - she still can't really 'swim' for more than a couple of seconds! I'm thinking of trying to switch to lessons at Dulwich Pool in the New Year but my daughter is very worried about being, literally, out of her depth at the new pool as it's not as shallow as Beckenham kids' pool. Whereas I feel it might help her to make quicker progress if she can't be tempted to put her feet down all the time. Has anyone had experience of the beginners' classes there? Obviously I know they won't leave them to drown but does anyone know how they make the transition from using a float to swimming sole when they can't touch the bottom? And any thought of what level class she should join? She can go nearly a whole width using a float or noodle (front and back) but she can only do a couple of strokes on her own without sinking. I'm thinking level 2 or 3 but not sure... Any feedback much appreciated.

Been reading this thread with great interest. No advice as such, but may I ask something that will no doubt make me very unpopular? I'm just wondering why you really want to continue breastfeeding so much? I don't mean that aggressively - it's a genuine question. You've clearly done an amazing job breastfeeding for this long, and I know you say you enjoy it, but feeding over twenty times a day, being picked at, punched, having hair pulled, bleeding moles, cuts ... I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound enjoyable at all. And at twenty-two months, your daughter can be getting all the nourishment she needs from solid food, not to mention time away from you to form other social attachments, improve speech etc. I should state I'm completely pro-breastfeeding; I fed both of my kids till I went back to work. But in my own case, I wish I'd stopped breastfeeding my second daughter much earlier (she had lots of problems not putting on enough weight which caused a great deal of family stress, and things only improved when she switched to a high-fat formula milk). Effectively I wish someone had given me 'permission' to stop earlier - like a lot of mums, I felt I had to do the 'right thing' even when, perhaps, common sense should have told me otherwise. Now I know I may be extrapolating too much here from my own situation, but it did cross my mind that the same thing might be happening to you, especially as you probably feel under extra pressure to be the perfect mum given that you say no one expected you to breastfeed at all, let alone this long. Just to be clear, I'm absolutely pro-breastfeeding (toddlers as well as babies - don't have a problem with it!), but equally I believe we mums put ourselves under a great deal of pressure sometimes, and it's important that we step back and look at the bigger picture occasionally. I know how hard it is to wean, emotionally-speaking, but equally I know that both times I've done it I felt like a different person afterwards and wondered why I'd agonised about it for so long. Anyway, just throwing it out there - I shall sit back now and wait to be shot down in flames!

When we had that snow back in February/March this year, our Ocado guy turned up at 1.30 a.m., having battled through the blizzards to get to us! In the circumstances, it felt a bit churlish to point out he was four hours late and he'd woken us all up.

Alieh, in answer to your query re. Blossoms: yes the closure in school holidays is not ideal, but seeing as it's only open for school hours in term-time anyway (till 4pm) we've always had an after-school nanny on those days I work. So during the holidays we just ask her to do a few extra full days, and for the rest of the time we scrabble around with my husband and I taking time off and/or roping in the grandparents! I believe there are agencies that offer holiday solutions but we've never needed to recourse to them (yet). Weirdly, it seems to be open during the Easter holidays - I've never quite understood why.

Not sure if I agree with the 'Get him out now' knee-jerk reaction. Surely it's worth making an appointment to talk through the issues with the nursery staff (without your child present), to at least give them a chance to address the issues you raise? A lot of kids go through tricky phases but most can be worked through if you have support from the nursery involved. Obviously if they're not interested in coming up with practical solutions, then it's time to consider alternatives. But if I were in your shoes I'd give them a chance to respond to your concerns (including the one about them being cold and unwelcoming, which it's important you raise) before you pull the plug. Edited to say - just seen my post has crossed with yours. Very glad to hear the carer you spoke to was helpful. From a personal point of view I went through a tricky patch with my daughter at nursery earlier this year when she was crying every morning - I spoke to the nursery who were great and we talked through the issues, and now she runs off happily and barely looks over her shoulder at me when I leave! Very much hope the same thing happens with you and good luck...

Blossoms on Dunstans Grove is also a Montessori nursery. It's small and lovely!

That's a shame about Push Studios. Unfortunately I work on Wednesdays, and as my childminder doesn't drive I think she'd be hard-pressed to get my daughter over to the classes in Dulwich Village (or even the Copleston Centre) by 4pm. So I've rather ground to a halt with my quest. The Peckham class sounds good so I'll explore that option but what a shame there isn't a local one in E Dulwich. An opportunity there for someone, I'd have thought?? Is there anywhere to park near the Theatre Peckham one, by the way?

I should think it would be fine but it's not a big room so I guess they might want you to move the buggy out of the way if it's busy. But I've taken my three-year-old for a haircut there and my six-year-old sat in one of the other empty chairs and played with the combs and they didn't seem to mind.

Molly, where does your daughter do beaver scouts? Is there a group in East Dulwich - or Brownies or whatever the younger equivalent is called (my daughter is nearly six)? I used to love Brownies as a kid but I've not met anyone whose kids go to it round here so I rather assumed there were no local groups. And what's the difference between beaver scouts and Brownies or are they pretty much the same thing?