redjam

Hmm, my daughter always chooses the 'pirate' option in a pirates & princesses party. Her outfit consists of the following: plain stripy t-shirt big homemade skull and crossbones badge (cardboard, safety pin, sellotape) homemade eye patch (cardboard, elastic) bandana, tied round hair jeans, rolled up dastardly scar, using face paint Cost = zero

But Fellbrigg Road is only just over 100m from Lordship Lane... I guess it depends which point on LL you're measuring it from but I'd have thought we'd have been within 250m of the proposed crossing too. Anyway, no matter - just means you've lost another 'yes' vote!

I was wondering if the consultation letters had gone out. I live on Fellbrigg Road and haven't received one - perhaps it's too far away from the proposed crossings? Shame, as I'd like to support them!

I've never really understood why people are anti dummies. I even asked my dentist about it and she said they're fine if you wean your kids off them before they turn two (which both my kids did independently; they just seemed to need them less as they got older, so I quietly 'lost' the dummies and they never even noticed). Obviously it's not great when you see older kids with them jammed in, or if you see kids sucking on them constantly so that they don't get a chance to develop their speech properly - but if you're just using them when kids need a bit of extra comfort, to drop off to sleep or calm down if they're upset, then why not? As far as negative experiences go, I can honestly say I didn't have any. Perhaps I was lucky but my kids never seemed to get addicted to them - they would use them to get off to sleep but didn't seem to want them at other times. But I'd agree that at five weeks post-partum, your partner is probably feeling a bit hormonal and frankly, if she wants to breastfeed constantly in a big loved-up new baby bliss bubble, then I'd let her get on with it as it's lovely for both of them. There is plenty of time to give your baby a dummy further down the line if she changes her mind.

Hi, I work freelance though my situation is slightly different to yours - I work part-time from home on lots of very short-term projects, so my problem is more never knowing from one week to the next how much childcare I'm going to need. But to answer your question I think you'd be very lucky to find someone who will be completely flexible - nannies/childminders have their own bills to pay so they need a guaranteed minimum income. What I do is employ a nanny for the average number of hours a week that I need, then if I hit a busy spell I ask her if she'd be happy to do some extra hours (which she often is) or beg friends/my parents to see if they can take the kids for a couple of hours here and there. Of course the flipside is that I sometimes end up paying the nanny when I don't strictly need her - though to be honest even if I've not got so much work on I'm always 'busy' and grateful for a few extra hours of childcare. Another tip is to pal up with a friend who also works from home and get into a reciprocal arrangement whereby you take their child(ren) for a few hours one week, then they do the same with yours the following week. As it's more informal, it's easier to vary hours etc (and if they're freelance themselves, they will be more understanding). But I realise that might not help your situation, with longer contracts. Whatever you do, I wish you luck - it's not easy (as is testified by the number of evenings/weekends I end up working having failed to find extra childcare during the day). Roll on school when all that lovely childcare comes for free - in term-time at least!

What a lovely piece of writing - thanks for posting it. So much rang true.

There are lots of ways to instill racism in a child - you could use racist language, make racist comments in front of them, or actively avoid people who don't share your skin colour. Buying a kid a golly (which after all, is presumably meant to be loved by the child), doesn't seem that bad in the scheme of things. I wouldn't buy it myself, mind, but I wouldn't assume there was a racist motive behind anyone who did. Kids play with lots of things that aren't politically correct. I'm not very keen on toy guns or Barbies either. But I don't think they should be banned.

I asked a friend of mine (another bike fanatic) about this a few weeks ago and he also recommended Islabikes - said they were brilliant, very lightweight. He tried to persuade me they are a good investment (he's already bought two!) on the basis that you can sell them on afterwards very easily. But I'm afraid I'm too tight to fork out that much - my daughter can't even ride yet. So we ended up going for a boy's bike from Halford's (Carrera Blast 16" Mountain Bike, ?130), which got good reviews and also seemed relatively lightweight - though this may be a bit small for your son? Anyway, I am currently sporting bruises the size of dinner plates from running behind my daughter + new bike, clinging on for dear life as she careers along at an angle of 45 degrees. Not sure I can blame the bike for this though. Anyone got any brilliant tips for how to teach their kids to ride once you've bought the damn thing?

Blimey, that all sounds horrific, poor you. I remember feeling much the same when I was pregnant with no.2, as we were in the middle of moving house, plus of course I was still working and looking after a toddler, and trying to sort out a new nursery for my eldest/home-birth team for the birth for the new area (we were moving from north of the river). We ended up moving exactly two weeks before my daughter was born, at the new home, in amongst the packing boxes! Horribly stressful, esp. as we only got the completion date agreed v. late in the day so I had no idea whether we were going to be here or in north London when the baby came. The one benefit of being preggers when all this was going on is that you do become very focused, quite rightly, on your own needs as the due date approaches - there was one point in our moving-house process when it all started going tits up because someone was messing about further up the chain, and I had the most massive 'I am woman, hear me roar' tantrum, threatening to pull out of the whole deal and break the chain myself, which I never would have dared to do normally. I think everyone could see I really meant it - I had that wild-eyed pregnant woman look about me. Anyway, it worked. I'd advise doing a bit of roaring myself if I was in your shoes; sounds like you need hearing. Hope it all works out OK - I'm sure once the baby arrives, all this will recede v quickly (and hopefully become your partner's problem...).

?1 here too.

Great news about the crossings on LL - I fully support this. It'll brilliant when (if) it actually happens!

Not me with the clamping (thankfully) - that'll be Jonny Vantastic - but yes, James, I will happily water and keep an eye on the new trees on Fellbrigg.

James, just to say thanks for organising those two replacement trees on Fellbrigg Road - they look lovely. Now let's hope the pathetic scrotes who vandalised the originals find something else to play with.

Blimey, Susyp, it's impossible to say this without sounding rude, but I think you need to chill out a bit. A few extra cartons of orange juice are hardly something you should be losing any sleep over. Sounds to me like you're doing your best for your kid.

I drove past it on Sunday - there were definitely loads of kids playing in it, though it looked like there was still builder's equipment fenced off in one corner.

Good for you, skyblue. I'm completely supportive of your campaign to make the Harris School(s) on our doorstep the best it can be as it does seem like the most realistic option for improving our chances of having a really good secondary school in our area that SE22 kids can actually be confident of getting into. I love the idea of a brand-new school too, of course, but that just doesn't seem like it's going to happen in the current climate. And really it does seem to be the case that if we all get behind our closest option, we can make it the community school we all want. I, for one, think a co-ed school split over two sites ('lower' and 'upper' schools) would be great. As for your FOI request, I'd love to know how many families in SE22 didn't get any one of their preferred options (even if they got offered a different school elsewhere). Frankly I'm astonished that the council aren't more concerned about this as it does seem like a problem that's only going to get (much) worse, given the huge numbers of extra kids that have come into this postcode recently as evidenced by all the bulge classes in primary schools. So good luck with your campaign, skyblue...

My mother had the temerity to hold her 70th birthday party a week after my second baby was due (how DARE she have her birthday then?) and then some very good friends of ours announced they were holding their wedding party that night. So I ended up spending the whole day with my 7-day-old baby in a marquee in Surrey, surrounded by extended family, then the entire evening at a lavish party at the top of the Gherkin, with all my friends cooing over my daughter asleep in her carrycot. I won't say it was ideal as obviously I was tired, but it was fine - I rather enjoyed all the attention and the chance to show off the baby to everyone in one go! However, it was my second child and I do think it would have been much harder first time round as it was all so much harder first time round, both emotionally and physically. So personally I'd have a full and frank discussion with your friend beforehand so that she understands that you'd love to come, but you just can't guarantee that you'll definitely be there, just in case you really can't face it on the day. If you do go, make sure that: a) your friend has a word with the venue beforehand about finding you a quiet place where you can breastfeed (assuming you're planning to). In the early days you probably won't want to do it in public as you'll still be getting to grips with it. Take a feeding cushion with you. b) think about your outfit - I wore a silk wrapover dress that was great for breastfeeding - though unfortunately developed a massively obtrusive milk stain on one boob that could be seen from space. c) invest in the fiercest pair of control knickers you can find so that everyone goes, 'Wow! Look at you, I can't believe you've just had a baby!' and makes you feel fabulous even though you can't breathe. Hope you do go and enjoy it - I'm really glad I went to both events and have many happy memories of that day (not the knickers - they went in the bin). Good luck with the birth!

LittleEDfamily, your last para struck a chord. I remember sneaking off upstairs with newborn Daughter no 2 simply to gaze in wonder and cover her in kisses, literally hiding from my older daughter because I knew she'd be wildly jealous if she saw me. Of course that also made me feel terribly guilty, as Daughter no 1 had been the apple of my eye only months previously, whereas now I just saw her as a metaphorical giant hazard light whenever she came barreling towards me when I was in the middle of breastfeeding or whatever. Like you, it really took me by surprise, which is rather idiotic in retrospect. And also, like you, it faded and 'evened up' over time (case in point: my elder daughter and I cowering together and giggling tonight while younger daughter, now age 3, had a MASSIVE tantrum about a fork). Anyway, back on subject, I think someone above used the words 'muddle through', which were pretty much my mantra for the early months - still are, some days. Fact is, you'll adapt and get through it, even though you might not really know how you've done it. And in a few years time, you'll see your two (or more!) kids with their heads bent together, the older one reading the younger one a book, or engrossed in a role-play game, and you'll think it's all worth it. (She says sentimentally, one glass of wine into the evening already...)

I remember when my eldest was around three, she stubbed her toe and squealed 'Goddammit!' in her sweet little girly voice. Unfortunately I was laughing too hard to tell her off, though she's never repeated it. Now I sometimes hear her say 'Oh ssshhhi' when she hurts herself (she's obviously heard me say something but I've managed to swallow the ending). Anyway, good thread - youse lot are making me feel better about being a foul-mouthed slatternly mother.

I am another escapee from Melbourne Grove to Dulwich Medical Centre on Crystal Palace Rd. Again, I couldn't believe the difference (tho' we've also had problems with repeat prescriptions being lost at DMC). But when I think of the hours I wasted waiting to see a doctor in Melbourne Grove, the rudeness I endured from the receptionists, the length of time I was kept hanging on the phone when booking an appointment, and that appalling telephone consultation system - I can't think why I stayed as long as I did. I agree Dr Johnson was the one bright spot that kept me there - he will be missed.

On the same note as Zoe's recommendation, both my daughters loved The Baby's Catalogue by Janet and Allan Ahlberg at that age. Not much text but loads of lovely detailed pictures and things to talk about. I'd also recommend Julia Donaldson: try Tales from Acorn Wood as it's got flaps to lift and very simple rhymes, so good for a younger age group (some of her stories are more for slightly older kids). Usborne books are also lovely - they do simple fairy tales and collections of Farmyard Tales which seem to engross kids (they have little extras like 'find the hidden duck on every page' which keep them amused longer). I love the Emma Chichester Clark books too as they've got such beautiful illustrations. Actually in some respects the librarians were right in that there are so many wonderful kids books out there and the best thing is just to experiment - some of our best finds have been random selections from the library (we discovered Polly Dunbar's and Laurence & Catherine Anholt's books that way - two other big recommendations!). Good luck and have fun exploring...

Yes, v. good post, Molly - I've always been pretty tough on my girls at night (once we'd got out of the newborn stage), in the firm belief that I'm a better mum to them during the day if I've had a good night's sleep. If that's meant putting them down in the cot while still crying and walking out the door with a brisk 'sleep tight now, darling!', then so be it. Obviously if they carried on crying I'd go back in, but generally after the first few excruciating minutes they'd soothe themselves, and as a result I've always thought of them as 'good' sleepers. Obviously you've got to feel comfortable with the idea before you try it, but, boy, if I were in your shoes I'd give it a go!

?1500? I think that's outrageous! That's an awful position to put those families in who simply can't afford it. And totally unnecessary - what, you can't draw in England? Honestly, I'm astonished - and I think it's a real cheek of the school to suggest it. I know I sound 100 years old, but in my day you got a week sleeping in a freezing cold hut somewhere in the Kent countryside, being taken on thrilling visits to the nearby salmon farm (I can still remember the stench). I think they call it 'formative'...

Not only do I get the 'NO! NO! NO!', my three-year-old also specialises in the 'GET MY DRINK! NOW! NO, NOT THAT CUP! THE OTHER ONE! NO I DON'T MEAN THAT ONE! THAT ONE!' while I scurry around apologising like a nineteenth-century slave. I think I'm going to have to move house at the end of this year as my neighbours must be about to report me to the police for all the yelling/screaming they must hear every day (mine and hers).

I've always told nannies that they can help themselves to our food if they're hungry, but within reason - so a sandwich is fine but not tucking into the ingredients for the evening's dinner. I think I've been lucky as both nannies I've had who worked in our house seem(ed) to subsist on air. Not sure I'd agree with Fuschia about asking them to make lunch for you, as that would fall outside the normal childcare remit. I think you'd need to mention that at the initial interview if you wanted that to be the norm. But you definitely wouldn't be expected to stop your work to make their lunch! You'll probably find you settle into a comfortable give-and-take routine once your nanny has started, if you are working from home. I'm in the same situation, and my nanny and I offer each other cups of tea if we're making one, but otherwise cater for ourselves. I tend to hide upstairs to eat my lunch if she's here with the kids, so I don't get dragged into whatever's going on downstairs!