redjam

Personally I'd advise humour as a way of getting round this problem - it's amazing how laughing along and making jokes yourself (against yourself if necessary) can defuse a situation. If you look like you're getting very wound up, the bullies will sense blood and keep needling away, whereas if you can act like you honestly don't care and have a sense of humour about it, it really takes the wind out of their sails. So next time they say something, perhaps he should just laugh along and say, 'Yeah, actually it's my life's ambition to work in MacDonald's, I've been dreaming about it since I was a boy - but I'm worried the burger flipping will be too hard for me' and pull a dumb face, or something to that effect. See what happens. I'd try that before either going to the teachers or (worse still) getting into a fight, as both those approaches hugely escalate what is essentially a bit of harmless fun. But I do sympathise - teenagers can be little scrotes to each other. Good luck.

The Mag has a lovely room upstairs. You can hire it out for parties but you need to supply your own food.

I think maybe your lack of replies is because 'babysitter' implies evening help, whereas it sounds like you need someone during the day? Broadly speaking you've got the option of a nanny, nannyshare or childminder, all of which you can advertise for on here in the classifieds section (or you can read adverts from prospective childcarers). The best recommendation is of course word of mouth - do you have any other mummy friends who might have nannies/childminders who are on the nanny network and might know of someone who needs a few hours' extra work a week? Alternatively you could try contacting Joanne Bleau ([email protected]) - she runs the Southwark Council service for people who need odd hours of childcare. We found our brilliant nanny through her as I only needed a few hours' childcare a week. The other option of course, if you really only need a couple of hours a week, is to team up with a friend in a similar position and take turns to look after each other's babies. Whatever you do, good luck!

Gosh, I now feel like a very permissive parent in that my (just) four-year-old goes to bed at 7.30 and my six-year-old goes at 8pm, often slipping up to fifteen minutes if my day's going to hell in a handbasket (which it often is). I thought I was quite strict! But then we're all relatively late risers, so I'd rather have an extra fifteen minute lie-in in the morning any day of the week...

Very tricky. There have certainly been times when I've given time outs to my kids and they've screamed blue murder for a good ten minutes, and I've always had a slight paranoia someone would call social services on me! OK, the actual time out is never as long as ten minutes and they have to stay in their bedroom and not in the garden, but still - what you've described could just be within the normal realms of discipline as opposed to abuse. I'd so go very carefully before you steam in on this - it's a very big accusation to say that someone is abusing their kids so you do have to be pretty sure of your grounds. Interested to know what other people think.

Ooh, like the belt idea, Goodliz!

Hmm, my daughter always chooses the 'pirate' option in a pirates & princesses party. Her outfit consists of the following: plain stripy t-shirt big homemade skull and crossbones badge (cardboard, safety pin, sellotape) homemade eye patch (cardboard, elastic) bandana, tied round hair jeans, rolled up dastardly scar, using face paint Cost = zero

But Fellbrigg Road is only just over 100m from Lordship Lane... I guess it depends which point on LL you're measuring it from but I'd have thought we'd have been within 250m of the proposed crossing too. Anyway, no matter - just means you've lost another 'yes' vote!

I was wondering if the consultation letters had gone out. I live on Fellbrigg Road and haven't received one - perhaps it's too far away from the proposed crossings? Shame, as I'd like to support them!

I've never really understood why people are anti dummies. I even asked my dentist about it and she said they're fine if you wean your kids off them before they turn two (which both my kids did independently; they just seemed to need them less as they got older, so I quietly 'lost' the dummies and they never even noticed). Obviously it's not great when you see older kids with them jammed in, or if you see kids sucking on them constantly so that they don't get a chance to develop their speech properly - but if you're just using them when kids need a bit of extra comfort, to drop off to sleep or calm down if they're upset, then why not? As far as negative experiences go, I can honestly say I didn't have any. Perhaps I was lucky but my kids never seemed to get addicted to them - they would use them to get off to sleep but didn't seem to want them at other times. But I'd agree that at five weeks post-partum, your partner is probably feeling a bit hormonal and frankly, if she wants to breastfeed constantly in a big loved-up new baby bliss bubble, then I'd let her get on with it as it's lovely for both of them. There is plenty of time to give your baby a dummy further down the line if she changes her mind.

Hi, I work freelance though my situation is slightly different to yours - I work part-time from home on lots of very short-term projects, so my problem is more never knowing from one week to the next how much childcare I'm going to need. But to answer your question I think you'd be very lucky to find someone who will be completely flexible - nannies/childminders have their own bills to pay so they need a guaranteed minimum income. What I do is employ a nanny for the average number of hours a week that I need, then if I hit a busy spell I ask her if she'd be happy to do some extra hours (which she often is) or beg friends/my parents to see if they can take the kids for a couple of hours here and there. Of course the flipside is that I sometimes end up paying the nanny when I don't strictly need her - though to be honest even if I've not got so much work on I'm always 'busy' and grateful for a few extra hours of childcare. Another tip is to pal up with a friend who also works from home and get into a reciprocal arrangement whereby you take their child(ren) for a few hours one week, then they do the same with yours the following week. As it's more informal, it's easier to vary hours etc (and if they're freelance themselves, they will be more understanding). But I realise that might not help your situation, with longer contracts. Whatever you do, I wish you luck - it's not easy (as is testified by the number of evenings/weekends I end up working having failed to find extra childcare during the day). Roll on school when all that lovely childcare comes for free - in term-time at least!

What a lovely piece of writing - thanks for posting it. So much rang true.

There are lots of ways to instill racism in a child - you could use racist language, make racist comments in front of them, or actively avoid people who don't share your skin colour. Buying a kid a golly (which after all, is presumably meant to be loved by the child), doesn't seem that bad in the scheme of things. I wouldn't buy it myself, mind, but I wouldn't assume there was a racist motive behind anyone who did. Kids play with lots of things that aren't politically correct. I'm not very keen on toy guns or Barbies either. But I don't think they should be banned.

I asked a friend of mine (another bike fanatic) about this a few weeks ago and he also recommended Islabikes - said they were brilliant, very lightweight. He tried to persuade me they are a good investment (he's already bought two!) on the basis that you can sell them on afterwards very easily. But I'm afraid I'm too tight to fork out that much - my daughter can't even ride yet. So we ended up going for a boy's bike from Halford's (Carrera Blast 16" Mountain Bike, ?130), which got good reviews and also seemed relatively lightweight - though this may be a bit small for your son? Anyway, I am currently sporting bruises the size of dinner plates from running behind my daughter + new bike, clinging on for dear life as she careers along at an angle of 45 degrees. Not sure I can blame the bike for this though. Anyone got any brilliant tips for how to teach their kids to ride once you've bought the damn thing?

Blimey, that all sounds horrific, poor you. I remember feeling much the same when I was pregnant with no.2, as we were in the middle of moving house, plus of course I was still working and looking after a toddler, and trying to sort out a new nursery for my eldest/home-birth team for the birth for the new area (we were moving from north of the river). We ended up moving exactly two weeks before my daughter was born, at the new home, in amongst the packing boxes! Horribly stressful, esp. as we only got the completion date agreed v. late in the day so I had no idea whether we were going to be here or in north London when the baby came. The one benefit of being preggers when all this was going on is that you do become very focused, quite rightly, on your own needs as the due date approaches - there was one point in our moving-house process when it all started going tits up because someone was messing about further up the chain, and I had the most massive 'I am woman, hear me roar' tantrum, threatening to pull out of the whole deal and break the chain myself, which I never would have dared to do normally. I think everyone could see I really meant it - I had that wild-eyed pregnant woman look about me. Anyway, it worked. I'd advise doing a bit of roaring myself if I was in your shoes; sounds like you need hearing. Hope it all works out OK - I'm sure once the baby arrives, all this will recede v quickly (and hopefully become your partner's problem...).

?1 here too.

Great news about the crossings on LL - I fully support this. It'll brilliant when (if) it actually happens!

Not me with the clamping (thankfully) - that'll be Jonny Vantastic - but yes, James, I will happily water and keep an eye on the new trees on Fellbrigg.

James, just to say thanks for organising those two replacement trees on Fellbrigg Road - they look lovely. Now let's hope the pathetic scrotes who vandalised the originals find something else to play with.

Blimey, Susyp, it's impossible to say this without sounding rude, but I think you need to chill out a bit. A few extra cartons of orange juice are hardly something you should be losing any sleep over. Sounds to me like you're doing your best for your kid.

I drove past it on Sunday - there were definitely loads of kids playing in it, though it looked like there was still builder's equipment fenced off in one corner.

Good for you, skyblue. I'm completely supportive of your campaign to make the Harris School(s) on our doorstep the best it can be as it does seem like the most realistic option for improving our chances of having a really good secondary school in our area that SE22 kids can actually be confident of getting into. I love the idea of a brand-new school too, of course, but that just doesn't seem like it's going to happen in the current climate. And really it does seem to be the case that if we all get behind our closest option, we can make it the community school we all want. I, for one, think a co-ed school split over two sites ('lower' and 'upper' schools) would be great. As for your FOI request, I'd love to know how many families in SE22 didn't get any one of their preferred options (even if they got offered a different school elsewhere). Frankly I'm astonished that the council aren't more concerned about this as it does seem like a problem that's only going to get (much) worse, given the huge numbers of extra kids that have come into this postcode recently as evidenced by all the bulge classes in primary schools. So good luck with your campaign, skyblue...

My mother had the temerity to hold her 70th birthday party a week after my second baby was due (how DARE she have her birthday then?) and then some very good friends of ours announced they were holding their wedding party that night. So I ended up spending the whole day with my 7-day-old baby in a marquee in Surrey, surrounded by extended family, then the entire evening at a lavish party at the top of the Gherkin, with all my friends cooing over my daughter asleep in her carrycot. I won't say it was ideal as obviously I was tired, but it was fine - I rather enjoyed all the attention and the chance to show off the baby to everyone in one go! However, it was my second child and I do think it would have been much harder first time round as it was all so much harder first time round, both emotionally and physically. So personally I'd have a full and frank discussion with your friend beforehand so that she understands that you'd love to come, but you just can't guarantee that you'll definitely be there, just in case you really can't face it on the day. If you do go, make sure that: a) your friend has a word with the venue beforehand about finding you a quiet place where you can breastfeed (assuming you're planning to). In the early days you probably won't want to do it in public as you'll still be getting to grips with it. Take a feeding cushion with you. b) think about your outfit - I wore a silk wrapover dress that was great for breastfeeding - though unfortunately developed a massively obtrusive milk stain on one boob that could be seen from space. c) invest in the fiercest pair of control knickers you can find so that everyone goes, 'Wow! Look at you, I can't believe you've just had a baby!' and makes you feel fabulous even though you can't breathe. Hope you do go and enjoy it - I'm really glad I went to both events and have many happy memories of that day (not the knickers - they went in the bin). Good luck with the birth!

LittleEDfamily, your last para struck a chord. I remember sneaking off upstairs with newborn Daughter no 2 simply to gaze in wonder and cover her in kisses, literally hiding from my older daughter because I knew she'd be wildly jealous if she saw me. Of course that also made me feel terribly guilty, as Daughter no 1 had been the apple of my eye only months previously, whereas now I just saw her as a metaphorical giant hazard light whenever she came barreling towards me when I was in the middle of breastfeeding or whatever. Like you, it really took me by surprise, which is rather idiotic in retrospect. And also, like you, it faded and 'evened up' over time (case in point: my elder daughter and I cowering together and giggling tonight while younger daughter, now age 3, had a MASSIVE tantrum about a fork). Anyway, back on subject, I think someone above used the words 'muddle through', which were pretty much my mantra for the early months - still are, some days. Fact is, you'll adapt and get through it, even though you might not really know how you've done it. And in a few years time, you'll see your two (or more!) kids with their heads bent together, the older one reading the younger one a book, or engrossed in a role-play game, and you'll think it's all worth it. (She says sentimentally, one glass of wine into the evening already...)

I remember when my eldest was around three, she stubbed her toe and squealed 'Goddammit!' in her sweet little girly voice. Unfortunately I was laughing too hard to tell her off, though she's never repeated it. Now I sometimes hear her say 'Oh ssshhhi' when she hurts herself (she's obviously heard me say something but I've managed to swallow the ending). Anyway, good thread - youse lot are making me feel better about being a foul-mouthed slatternly mother.