
redjam
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Everything posted by redjam
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Oh my God, you lot are all parenting paragons. My kids would have CBeebies on in the background 12 hours a day if I let them, with the remaining 12 spent playing on the CBeebies website. While I try not to leave the TV on too long, it's quite difficult when both of them are so adept at using the remote, DVD player and i-player on the computer - they are perfectly capable of putting it on while I'm out the room (they're aged 5 and 3 now, but they've both been able to do this for well over a year). Most of the time I don't mind as they tend to get distracted from it after a shortish while, so I'll just nip in and turn it off while they're not looking. But it can come in handy - my eldest child (then two) managed to miss the entire homebirth of my second daughter as she was so engrossed in Numberjacks, which was actually quite useful. It was a quick birth, and I was upstairs - she seemed not to notice my screams... Overall, I can't say it seems to have done them much harm - they were both early and clear talkers, and are not overweight or inactive. In fact, the first time my youngest daughter got herself out of bed at the crack of dawn, wandered downstairs and figured out how to turn the telly on, I rolled back over in bed and thought, 'Ah, my parenting work is done...' (Well, until she's old enough to learn how to bring me up a coffee.)
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Good post, sb, agree with all the points you mentioned! When I'm working I feel guilty I'm not doing more with my kids, when I'm not working I feel guilty that I'm not doing my job properly. As it happens, I've just left my salaried job and gone freelance so I can work from home now, and I was hoping this might help - but so far the main effect is that I feel pulled towards my pile of work in the corner of the room when I'm meant to be giving the kids my attention. I consider myself a feminist but how did we end up in this mess? My pre-feminist mum never worked after my brother and I were born, and I don't think she felt a passing minute's worth of guilt over it her entire life. We are truly our own worst enemies sometimes.
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I know three weeks seems like eternity when you're in the middle of it, but it's really just the blink of an eye in life terms. If your son is already using the loo confidently (albeit when you remind him), I think he's actually doing brilliantly, so it would be a shame to undo your hard work by letting it slide then having to start all over again in a few months. Believe me, some kids hate using a loo at all, in any circumstances, and some kids freak out at the whole concept of poos/wees! So from the sounds of it he's already pretty much halfway there. My first daughter potty-trained in less than a week, but she's one of those fastidious types who always hated mess, so it was an easy transition for her. My second daughter, however, is a bit of a dreamer who is very easily distracted. So potty-training with her took a good three months, because she would just get absorbed in what she was doing and forget to mention she needed a wee/poo. Three months of coming home with a daily Bag of Shame from the nursery, containing all her soiled clothes! But needless to say, just when I thought I was going to jack it all in, she started being dry every other day, then two out of three days, then five days a week... And before you knew it she was completely dry. So my advice is: hang in there! You will get there in the end. One other thought: it's much easier to potty-train in the summer, which is another reason for sticking with it now. If you leave it and try again in a few months, you'll be getting into autumn. I started potty-training my second daughter in the autumn, and I have too many unpleasant memories of her clammy wet tights...
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I grew up in Surrey - massive garden, detached house at the foot of the North Downs, a huge common outside the front of the house. It was lovely as a small child but I was bored out of my mind as a teenager. Until I was old enough to drive all the social life seemed to consist of hanging out at the local crappy shopping centre while smoking Consulates and hoping one of your mum's friends didn't come past and spot you. It was difficult to get anywhere without being ferried around by your parents as the public transport was so hopeless. I did love the clean air and big skies where I grew up and I feel sad that my kids won't have that. But I think in the main we have the best of both worlds in East Dulwich - a nice, small-town community vibe, but all the culture and excitement of one of the world's best cities right on our doorstep. And I love the idea that my kids can nip round to their friends' houses so easily here - where I grew up it was at least a twenty-minute walk to, well, anywhere really. It was actually quite isolating. So, in my opinion, grass is not always greener, honest.
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Ooh, one other thing. Take loads of plain but nutritious food, e.g. fruit, cereal, milk, bread, ham, cheese etc for sandwiches, as we found our kids turned their nose up at a lot of the festival food on offer and in any case you don't want to be giving them chips/noodles three times a day. I know this sounds blindingly obvious but I didn't think about food at all other than snacks, as I just assumed we'd buy what we needed from the various kiosks. However, luckily my partner shoved in some basics at the last minute and they were invaluable for the kids. Also I think it's nice for kids to have something 'easy' and familiar to eat for at least one or two meals a day, then you can throw them a veggie curry curveball later on... Mr Tumble was ace at Camp Bestival last year - it was like the Second Coming. I've never seen so many hyperventilating children. Hope you've got your fancy dress outfits sorted!
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We went to Camp Bestival last year with our (then) four- and just-turned-two-year-old. Knackering but great fun. The worst problem for us was that we were parked about a million miles away from the campsite so trekking from the car laden with bags and hyper kids was no joke. So my main advice is to take something with wheels to help cart stuff about. We'd thought we wouldn't need our Maclaren so left it at home but thank God our friends had theirs as it was invaluable as a general-purpose 'trolley' as well as somewhere for tired children to crawl into when they wanted to opt out of it all for a bit. Obviously this might not be such good advice if it's rainy and muddy... Otherwise just take all the usual stuff - loads of snacks, wetwipes, colouring books and pens for when they want to do something quiet (it's hugely overstimulating so we found that sometimes the kids just wanted to do something calm while we sat around watching the bands). A big water container is useful so you can stock up without having to face the huge water queues too often. One other tip - avoid the ginormous early morning queues for the showers and go in the afternoon when they reopen after the lunch break - they are nice and clean and no wait, bliss! It was twice as exhausting going with kids, no doubt about it, and the logistics of it all meant that we ended up missing some bands we'd wanted to see, so I think you have to go into it with much more relaxed expectations than you would normally. But overall it was really worth it and the kids absolutely LOVED it - the dressing-up aspect was hugely popular, and seeing them having such fun out in the fresh air for four days (no computer! no TV!) was amazing. So I'm sure you'll all have a brilliant time - let us know how you get on!
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I really dislike Oliver James. From what I've read of his Guardian columns, it seems that in his opinion virtually all women f*** their kids up, you're damned pretty much whatever you choose to do (and it's always the mother's fault; funnily enough dads never seem to get much of mention). I shouldn't even read his columns as I always get enraged, though of course I keep finding myself drawn to them like a moth to a flame. He seems to be particularly prone to making statements about, say, severely neglected orphanage children having later mental health problems, then extrapolating that your baby will end up with personality disorder unless you co-sleep and breastfeed on demand 24 hours a day. Now I'm no Gina Ford, but there's a big difference between abandoning a baby in an orphanage and gently easing a child into a sensible routine in the context of a loving family. Ditto his beef about nurseries - as it happens, I'm not a fan of long-term daycare for tiny little babies, but for some people it's an economic necessity, and somehow it's quite annoying to have an Eton/Cambridge-educated male preach about it in such alarmist tones (I bet they were financially secure enough in their house for his wife to give up work when he had children). Sorry, rant over, he obviously presses my buttons!
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ED on TV... or Peckham Rye to be exact... back to ED!
redjam replied to MrsMc's topic in General ED Issues / Gossip
Yeah, I also thought it was Bawdale or Hansler - looked very familiar. -
Not quite a campsite, but we are off to stay in an original 1950s Airstream trailer on the Isle of Wight in a few weeks! Think they also have a campsite where they have teepees and old-fashioned scout tents etc. See www.vintagevacations.co.uk.
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There's a room upstairs at the Mag on Lordship Lane which is a great size for children's parties.
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Anyone know any more about this? What ARE they doing?
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Updated train timetable to print out
redjam replied to sliding_doors's topic in General ED Issues / Gossip
That's so useful, thank you! Been meaning to write it out for ages - you've saved me a job. -
My eldest went to Cherry Tree for a short time. Wouldn't recommend, sorry.
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The best children's books ever?
redjam replied to Alec John Moore's topic in The Family Room Discussion
Thanks for the link to the Guardian article, AJM, I hadn't seen it. I am finding one of the unexpected joys of motherhood is rereading all my old favourite books with my daughters (and discovering new ones along the way). Little Plum by Rumer Godden, Milly-Molly-Mandy, Enid Blyton, My Naughty Little Sister - and I'm looking forward to dusting down my old copies of the Narnia books and Elizabeth Goudge's Little White Horse when they're older. But it's also such fun to discover new books together - there are so many wonderful picture books in particular, from Julia Donaldson (though funnily enough the only one I'm NOT keen on is The Gruffalo) and John Burningham, to Lauren Child and Lynley Dodd. We're very lucky having access to so many great titles. The only real disappointment I've had is trying to read Winnie the Pooh out loud - virtually impossible with all the references to 'you' (meaning Christopher Robin). I have to improvise madly and cut huge chunks out as I go along with that one, though both my kids still love the story. -
Oh gosh, crystal7, I feel your pain! My youngest one dropped off the bottom of the charts when she was a baby, we got referred to Kings and she ended up having loads of tests and depressing check-ups. I thought it would never end. Eventually, after about a year of this, they concluded, 'She's just small.' And here she is now, aged 2 and a half, and she's still small, but you know what? She's fine. She's just small. And doesn't ever seem to want to eat a lot. I can't lie: it's still a source of worry (my husband still gets very stressed over it), but I'm more of the opinion that it's not such a big deal for a girl if you're small, and once you get past the toddler age she won't get pushed around physically so much anyway. We saw endless nutritionists while she was a baby and the advice was always to make sure that everything she eats is high calorie (though don't go down the high-sugar route, obviously). So we put cream on her breakfast cereal, gave her lots of hoummous, nuts and olives (bizarrely she likes these, though there's conflicting advice about whether you can give babies nuts so you might not want to try that with your child), slathered butter on crackers, lots of cheese etc. If you give her pasta, cover it with Parmesan and use lots of olive oil in the sauce, that kind of thing. I'm sure the rest of the family will balloon with all this high-fat stuff in the house, though it doesn't seem to have made an appreciable difference to my daughter! But I'm sure your kid will be fine - good luck with it and try not to worry (easier said than done, I know).
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I'd definitely look into nannyshares with a baby so young - it shouldn't be more than ?50 a day for your share and the hours would be tailored to suit you (i.e. you'll only have to pay for 4 days if you're going back to work 4 days a week, and you can come to an arrangement to pay extra if you need to work late some nights or whatever). You've got built-in care if your daughter is sick too, though not so good if the nanny is ill! I know a lot of people swear by nurseries (and I would never criticise anyone else's childcare choice as everyone has different criteria), but personally I think they're better for older kids, i.e two or three upwards, as in my opinion younger babies need more one-to-one care and stability. Any 'official' childcare, i.e. Ofsted-registered nanny, childminder or nursery, can be paid using childcare vouchers which are deducted from your salary before tax, thus saving nearly a grand a year if you use your full allowance (?243 a month). Also, when your child reaches the age of three, they are entitled to 12.5 hours a week of free nursery childcare (I think this is rising to 15 hours a week in September - can anyone confirm this?). So as a previous poster said, if you can swallow the financial pain for the next two years, it does get easier, especially if you're not likely to have more kids. And your social life goes to hell for the first couple of years when you have kids anyway, so you save money that way - hooray (sort of). As for your moving dilemma, if you did move back to Twickenham I'm sure you'd 'bond' with the area quickly. There's nothing like having a child for helping you to make friends in a new area - I should know, after moving here not knowing a soul just when my second child was born, and now feeling like I've lived here all my life. Also you could use a mixture of nursery provision some days and grandparent care on others so your child gets lots of social interaction - though that's probably not a big issue when she's so little at the moment anyway. But of course who could bear to leave East Dulwich and the loving support of the EDF?! Good luck whatever you decide to do.
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Southwark has a brilliant service called, I think, the Southwark Childminding Service, which specifically aims to help working mums with odd shifts/irregular hours/short hours who need childcare. We have found a wonderful childminder that way, who comes to our house, as we only need her for a few hours a day. I wonder if Brent council has a similar service? Might be worth your daughter contacting them to find out.
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Ruth - I feel your pain. For what it's worth, my breastfed second child plummeted so far down the centiles in her weight chart that she literally went off the bottom of it at one point. I seemed to spend half my life shuttling her from one miserable health visitor appointment to another even more depressing hospital one. Everyone kept shaking their heads and saying sadly, 'Oh dear, she's not thriving, is she?', whilst at the same time urging me to continue breastfeeding, but just somehow do it better. I felt like the worst mother on earth. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish someone had given me 'permission' to stop breastfeeding much earlier, as once we eventually switched her on to formula she did start picking up weight again and was much happier for it. Just to be clear: I'm not saying you should give up breastfeeding. I know how lovely it can be and how good for the baby it is when it goes well. Of course keep trying if you feel up to it. But if bottle-feeding is the fate the gods have decreed for you, don't beat yourself up about it. We're lucky we live in the 21st century when we can have these alternatives when the 'natural' way lets us down. Either way, good luck! (Edited for repetition.)
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This is all really helpful, thanks. I'd thought about Latitude but it just seems so big and also the website barely mentions kids, so I wasn't sure there'd be much to do for them, but will look again now. Very useful info about The Big Chill, Tulsie, thank you. And the Larmer Tree festival and Festihno are really interesting ideas - I'd never even heard of the latter but they both sound great. Is Festihno all world music though? I do like world music, just not sure I want three whole days of it... I've also been looking into a new festival called Vintage at Goodwood which sounds quite bonkers but quirky. But that really would be a gamble with the kids as it's the first one. Ah, remember the days when you could just rock up to one of these things as the mood took you, with only the clothes on your back and your bodyweight's worth of booze? Now you practically need a separate lorry just for the kids' paraphernalia. That said, both kids absolutely loved Camp Bestival last year, so I do think it's worth the effort. Let's just pray for a sunny summer this year!
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The redjam family are thinking of taking the littl'uns (age five and nearly three) to a festival again this summer. Like half of East Dulwich, we went to Camp Bestival last year, which was fab, but we're thinking of trying somewhere new - perhaps the Secret Garden Party or The Big Chill or somewhere similar? Has anyone been to any of these and how family-friendly did you find them? Any other recommendations or places to avoid? Our only stipulations are that we don't want to go somewhere where it's likely that we'll find ourselves camping next to a huge posse of all-night teenage ravers (unfortunately we can't afford posh boutique camping options), and we don't want to go anywhere too massive for obvious reasons. Oh, and we're not likely to go for anywhere with strong hippie/holistic/beardy vibes either (call us fussy, but...).
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Is anyone watching "One Born Every Minute" on C4
redjam replied to The Nappy Lady's topic in The Family Room Discussion
One of these weeks I'm going to get through the whole of this programme without crying. But not tonight. (And not next week either, if the trail at the end is anything to go by.) Really liked both couples this week. -
My kids seem to get this quite frequently - it's a pain as so infectious. I normally just nip down to the chemist and get the over-the-counter drops at the first sign of it (I think it's called Optrex Infectious Eyes). It's about a fiver and you have to remember to keep it in the fridge. I find the drops easier than the prescription paste as I could never get the paste to stay in the eye - it would always just fall out onto the cheek - plus it's a pain to have to go to the docs every time they get it. I guess experiment with whatever you find easiest. But administering the drops is a bit of a grim two-man job with my two-year-old - one person basically has to pin her arms and legs down while the other pulls her eyes open. Not much fun for anyone concerned, but it does seem to work - her eyes started gumming up on Wednesday night last week, I started the drops on Thursday, and it had gone by Friday (I'm still doing the drops now though to keep it at bay). Luckily my five-year-old now submits willingly - last time she had it, I even had to pop into her school to give her some drops one lunchtime and she cheerfully lay down for me in the middle of the school dinner hall floor while all her little mates watched!
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Should you use a harness on a high chair?
redjam replied to skip's topic in The Family Room Discussion
I had a wooden highchair for my first born, chosen for looks rather than practicality, I'm ashamed to say. The first time my daughter went in it (about 7 months, I guess), I realised she kept slipping down unless she was supported by a cushion, yet with the cushion we couldn't use the straps. Oh well, I'll wedge her in tightly and she'll be fine, I thought. Fast forward several hours later, there I was in the queue at the local A&E, having to answer loads of questions about my child-rearing to the doctor, feeling like I was practically going to end up on some child abuse register. So yes, I'd say use the straps. (Incidentally, my daughter was fine, after the initial shock of slipping onto the floor and landing on her face. I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck for several weeks afterwards...) -
Court Lane resurfacing from 9 March
redjam replied to James Barber's topic in General ED Issues / Gossip
I have to say I agree that this doesn't seem to be a road obviously in need of resurfacing - and I've been completely bemused by all these new pavements on residential roads, esp. given that the busy pavement along Lordship Lane outside the shoe shop/bakery/fishmongers etc is barely passable when it rains. All that said, I will be delighted if the work means that the second speed bump on Court Lane (from the LL end) gets replaced! They're all bad on that road but that one is a particular killer to my poor car's suspension. You practically have to come to a standstill first before going over it to avoid a sickening crunching noise... Nice new less ferocious bumps, please! -
I'd second the bunny alarm clock, which we use in conjunction with reward charts when our oldest daughter goes through one of her early morning phases (normally in the summer for us). We also encourage her to play quietly on her own if she really can't go back to sleep - she looks at books on her own, puts the computer on and plays on CBeebies, or turns the telly on and curls up on the sofa with her blanket and teddy till it's time for us to get up. I realise this makes me sound like a terrible parent but my partner and I are also owls rather than larks and we just can't do early starts. But most of all I'd agree with the earlier posters that you need to get that bedtime later - my daughter normally goes to bed at 8pm and wakes at 7am, which seems to be fine for her (she's just turned five) - but anything before 7am is just not on in my book!
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