bagpuss78

Love them, I have a bright turquiose pair, they are the most comfortable pair of shoes I have. I do get a bit of ribbing from the boys down the pub though! :-$

*mmmmmmmmmmm.........Beer*

*rushes to get first aid kit for ant accidentally kuffed him in the heeed! with pebble* *:-$*

The Pope, a schoolboy and an unnamed American President are in a plane. Suddenly the pilot suffers a heart attack and the craft takes a nosedive. As the engines sputter, the three passengers try to stay calm. 'Well,' says the Pope, 'we have established that none of us can land this baby, so we're going to have to jump for it.' 'But there are only two parachutes,' says the boy, pointing to a pile of bundles by the exit. Without hesitating, the American President rushes over to them, takes one and shouts: 'I am the President of the United States of America. I am the world's most powerful leader. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of my country. I have a responsibility to my people not to die.' With that, he leaps out of the plane. Now the Pope turns calmly to the schoolboy and says: 'I am already old. I have already lived my life as a good person and a priest. There is a place for me in heaven. I insist you take the last parachute.' 'No need,' says the boy, 'America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag...'

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked." The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?" But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door." So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work. Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic. Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, "Who is it?" "Blind man," a man's voice comes back. So she opens the door, and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, "Great tits, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?"

*ask if anyone wants to have a skimming competition on ant while he's still a puddle* *I gots the pebbles*

*thinks wow! 5,000 bummer if your a bee with a cold*

*whispers to ben, Keef's away feel free to sit on 'the lazy boy' I won't tell him* *thinks to self he comes in hear sits on my bean bag! tsk!* ;-)

*oops! accidentally treads in ant, takes off shoe and leaves outside to dry* :-S

*stands under light beaming from gaping hole in roof* *"beam me up scotty" giggles to self* *sits down realising it wasn't that funny*:-$

*Ahhhhhhhhh*

Mary Poppins Mary Poppins was travelling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he replied courteously. "Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary. "Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary. "Certainly madam," he replied. "And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk. "Morning madam...sleep well?" "Yes, thank you," Mary replied. "Food to your liking?" "Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs tho....they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully. "Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist. "Ok I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who then checked out, paused awhile, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. Here it is......... "Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!!!!

Small Faces - Lazy Sunday Root-de-doo-de-doo, a-root-de-doot-de doy di A-root-de doot de dum, a-ree-de-dee-de-doo dee - doo doo .... Take on me Take me on I'll be gone in a day or two I think that me ten, full of fromage! :)) (I Loves me Cheese ;-)) Happy Talk Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk, Talk about things you'd like to do. You got to have a dream, If you don't have a dream, How you gonna have a dream come true?

I have a very eclectic taste in music! I try and put some more grown up favourite lyrics on.

No.7 SIR MIX-A-LOT BABY'S GOT BACK I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough 'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin You say you wanna get in my Benz? Well, use me, use me 'Cause you ain't that average groupy I've seen them dancin' The hell with romancin' She's sweat, wet, Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette I'm tired of magazines Sayin' flat butts are the thing Take the average black man and ask him that She gotta pack much back So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!) Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!) Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!) Shake that healthy butt! Baby got back! Baby got back! I like 'em round, and big And when I'm throwin' a gig I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal Now here's my scandal I wanna get you home And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh I ain't talkin' bout Playboy 'Cause silicone parts are made for toys I want 'em real thick and juicy So find that juicy double Mix-a-Lot's in trouble Beggin' for a piece of that bubble So I'm lookin' at rock videos Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes You can have them bimbos I'll keep my women like Flo Jo A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya I won't cuss or hit ya But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck* Til the break of dawn Baby got it goin' on A lot of simps won't like this song 'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it And I'd rather stay and play 'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong And I'm down to get the friction on So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah} If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!} Then turn around! Stick it out! Even white boys got to shout Baby got back! Baby got back! Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3". So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda My anaconda don't want none Unless you've got buns, hun You can do side bends or sit-ups, But please don't lose that butt Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role And tell you that the butt ain't gold So they toss it and leave it And I pull up quick to retrieve it So Cosmo says you're fat Well I ain't down with that! 'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin' And I'm thinkin' bout stickin' To the beanpole dames in the magazines: You ain't it, Miss Thing! Give me a sista, I can't resist her Red beans and rice didn't miss her Some knucklehead tried to dis 'Cause his girls are on my list He had game but he chose to hit 'em And I pull up quick to get wit 'em So ladies, if the butt is round, And you want a triple X throw down, Dial 1-900-MIXALOT And kick them nasty thoughts Baby got back! (sorry couldn't work out my favourite bit!)

streets of London - Ralph McTell Have you seen the old man In the closed-down market Kicking up the paper, with his worn out shoes? In his eyes you see no pride And held loosely at his side Yesterday's paper telling yesterday's news So how can you tell me you're lonely, And say for you that the sun don't shine? Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London I'll show you something to make you change your mind Have you seen the old girl Who walks the streets of London Dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags? She's no time for talking, She just keeps right on walking Carrying her home in two carrier bags. Chorus In the all night cafe At a quarter past eleven, Same old man is sitting there on his own Looking at the world Over the rim of his tea-cup, Each tea last an hour Then he wanders home alone Chorus And have you seen the old man Outside the seaman's mission Memory fading with The medal ribbons that he wears. In our winter city, The rain cries a little pity For one more forgotten hero And a world that doesn't care keef you'll remember this, remember singing this in primary school a few times

yeah your right Mr 11 songs Maybe some of us are doing one at a time i really don't think this should upset you so :))

What a marvelous idea IMJ!

well ant i think you practice and sing it to all at the next forum meet up, i'll join in in the 'nah pop no style, a strictly roots' bits promise!

shes a topley-bird! - I've always been jealous of her surname

UP TOWN TOP RANKING Althea and Donna See me in me heels and ting Dem check sey we hip and ting True them no know and ting We have them going and ting Nah pop no style, a strictly roots Nah pop no style, a strictly roots See me pon the road I hear you call out to me True you see mi inna pants and ting See mi in a 'alter back Sey mi gi' you heart attack Gimme likkle bass, make me wine up me waist Uptown Top Ranking See mi in mi Benz and ting Drivin' through Constant Spring Them check sey me come from cosmo spring But a true dem no know and ting Dem no know sey we top ranking Uptown Top Ranking Shoulda see me and the ranking dread Check how we jamming and ting Love is all I bring inna me khaki suit and ting Nah pop no style, a strictly roots Nah pop no style, a strictly roots Watch how we chuck it and ting Inna we khaki suit and ting Love is all I bring inna me khaki suit and ting Nah pop no style, a strictly roots Nah pop no style, a strictly roots Love inna you heart dis a bawl out fe me When you see me inna pants and ting See me inna 'alter back Sey me gi' you heart attack Gimme likkle bass, make me wine up me waist Uptown Top Ranking See mi pon the road and hear you call out to me True you see me in me pants and ting See me inna 'alter back Sey me gi' you heart attack Gimme likkle bass, make me wine up me waist Gimme likkle bass, make me wine up me waist Love is all I bring inna me khaki suit and ting Nah pop no style, a strictly roots Nah pop no style, a strictly roots You shoulda see me and the ranking dread, Check how we jamming and ting Love is all I bring inna me khaki suit and ting Nah pop no style, a strictly roots Nah pop no style, a strictly roots

* to me....to you...to me* *ahhhhhhhhhh.......runs through quiet room, not being very quiet*

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all. Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall. Rolf Harris ;-) Nick teen and A K Hall

To explain the choking is due to nasty chest infection and the ability to breath is hard enough let alone impromptu bouts of laughter!

AROOO-GA! that mad me laugh....choke a little...then laugh again thanks ant! made my day :))