legalbeagle

Shag (it's a type of haircut)

Huguenot - sorry but I still think you are so wrong. Legislation: I'm not a believer in unneccesary legislation either, but forcing companies to consider a flexible working request has actually worked very well. It has made people put their individual prejudice to one side and consider a different way of working, and I know many employers that have been pleasantly surprised at the results. My last job is a very good example of that. Positive discrimination has also worked. Briefly forcing companies to put different minority groups in senior positions means that the view at the top is very quickly changed to one that is far more diverse and draws on many different talents, making it more flexible and adaptable. You can then revert to promotions purely on the sake of merit and again I've seen many companies have a permanent change of culture for the better as a result. Loving your job: I also think you are very wrong to think that business and profits are solely about money and are not affected by human emotion. It has been demonstrated many times that people who feel part of a team, appreciated, "warm and lovely" as you put it, are more productive and more loyal. They go the extra mile. They feel that the business is worth extra efforts because they have a sense of belonging. They begin to care about its success and failure beyond the impact on their next pay packet. The company, its well being and its personnel begin to really matter on a human level as well as a profit line. You really are missing a trick if you think that part of employment isn't worth bothering with - managed well it can bring huge rewards. Read "predictably irrational" by Dan Ariely for a very good explanation of this with lots of well summarised studies showing why this economic theory is very interesting. You have spoken before about freeloaders and people just taking what they can from their job. Has it ever occurred to you that your way of employing encourages that reaction in them? If you treat them like robots - no more than a drone providing goods and services devoid of a sense of worth or belonging (your description) then they may well react by simply taking what they can get from you too. Why treat you like a human being if you don't do the same? Attitudes filter down from the top.

Lower

You're welcome. It sounds like an IVA, whilst a bit daunting, might be the way to go, depending on her income. It would stop the permanent pestering from various creditors, which is very distressing, and hopefully make her feel more under control. Sorry my posts are brief but it's better to read all the information carefully than for me to summarise! It's a good website - make sure she avoids ones that are effectively just from loan companies, and seeks help from government backed schemes. Good luck.

Hibbs - sorry to hear about that, it sounds very distressing. Take a look at http://www.government-debt-advice.org and their advice on Individual Voluntary Arrangements (IVA).

A beautiful poem.

Uniform

Dead

Happy [or sleepy or grumpy or bashful or......you see where I'm going with this.....]

house

Prince

Safe

Home

Expand

ps Siduhe, you deserve better. Your employers are behaving outrageoulsy, in fact illegally. You are allowed a personal life without it being raised in public meetings. Did anyone ask any of the men in the room if they were currently trying to get their wives/girlfriends pregnant? No? Well there's a shock. You deserve better.

Whilst managing aforementioned legal department I hired a temp lawyer for six months. She was really really good. During her 6 month contract one of my permanent lawyers resigned. So at the end of her six months I offered her a permanent job, to replace my permanent lawyer which I was really pleased about because she was so good. She immediately told me that she was pregnant, even though she was only 2 months pregnant, because she felt that it would be misleading me to accept the job without me knowing she was going to go on maternity leave. I thanked her for telling me, and then pointed out that before I heard her news I thought she was the best person for the job, and I still thought that, the offer was still open and I hoped she accepted it. She did. She went to mat leave, I hired temp cover for her, she came back again, and she was and remained until I left, a very very talented lawyer. Yes it was a little disruptive to find temp cover. Yes I would have preferred not to take that cost on my cost centre. But she was the best person for the job and I'm glad I hired her. It's time we realised that mat leave is actually a minor irritation in the scheme of things. A good employee could be with you for years and thank you with loyalty and always going the extra mile. All of the women I employed did that. All of them. It's also time we realised that women don't have babies - society has babies. Every part of society benefits from a young population, and every part of society should play a role in making sure they are successfully raised. Because if we don't, every part of society suffers. It isn't a case of freebies for people who will breed anyway. It's a case of allowing our population to thrive in a healthy and balanced way. And if that puts pressure on employers now and again, well, that's life.

Well it would be nice to think that's true but it's not what you've said. One minute a commentator can't and shouldn't get promoted because she "isn't there", next minute you're all about flexible working...... But it's Easter and I don't want a fight, so good luck with however you choose to run your business. One thing I do know is that's never an easy thing to do!

Well then Huguenot, you and I will have to agree to disagree. No doubt your approach to employment will produce exactly the kind of employees you want, and I also have no doubt you're missing out on some great talent with that attitude. But it's your gaff so you can do what you like!

I ran a legal department for a well known asset management business in the city for several years. I looked after over 20 hedge and private equity funds, a team of lawyers, and relationships with several law firms. I worked 9-5, 4 days a week. I had a blackberry and a mobile for when I wasn't around and most of my clients didn't know when I wasn't there. Yes, it did take a good sales pitch from me to get the promotion, but it worked. "Being there" doesn't have to mean being physically present at all times. We've moved on, technology has moved on. Now all that's needed is a bit of trust and imagination. Give it a go Huguenot. You might surprise yourself.

I wouldn't disagree with above comments about the role of men raising children - but the original question was about the role of women in the family. Huguenot "I fiercely believe that it's not the role of government to tax me so that someone else can have the joy of kids. Parents? Thieves and ingrates the lot of them." Interesting view, but you do benefit economically from avoiding an ageing population, no?

Niledynodely - I would completely agree that there is an economic as well as social value to what women do inside the home. Aside from the obvious caring roles, there are plenty of things that we do voluntarily and/or within family networks that have value. I wouldn't dispute that for a moment. My point was only that I think women should be enabled to earn money if they want to, and if the only thing that prevents them doing that is a child care issue, then it is a legitimate role for government to assist with that issue. I also think it is a mistake for a country to prevent women working, either actively or by omission, since we do actually need some proportion of the female population to work in paid roles and to earn money. But I would not for a minute say that the work women (of which I am one) do in the home has no economic value. Nor would I say that one has to have an economic value to be of worth. A good example is education - the old saying that if you educate a man you educate a person, but if you educate a woman you educate a family, has some truth in it. A woman who can teach her children manners, self respect, social awareness, good diet, exercise, music, reading, a sense of the history and culture of their country, develop a curious mind and direct a lot of young energy does huge social (well as economic) good.

I fear "middle age" arrives as some point in your 40's so I've decided not to leave my 20's. I am currently twenty seventeen. Sounds much better, don't you think?

1. Do you want to work (for money, outside the home)? Yes when my kids reach school age. For the time being I work from home when I can. 2. Do you feel that all women including mothers ought to work for money outside the home? Absolutely not. 3. Do we tend towards health, teaching, social or people oriented types of work because we prefer it or because that is the main option available to us? I didn't, and I don't know many women who have, but that may not be representative. 4. Do you think men and women are suited to doing the same types of jobs? Yes - provided that they are physically strong enough for certain jobs. 5. The unequal representation of women at higher levels of the workforce ? is this a result of unjust discrimination? Not necessarily. However a lack of women at senior levels can lead to an unbalanced management view of a company that can sometimes lead to discrimination, so it can be a circular situation. Sometimes you need to just put a few women further up the company to address that issue and then the balance redresses itself. In that sense positive discrimination can be a briefly helpful tactic. 6. Do you see motherhood as a problem which makes it difficult for you to work? No, I see it as a blessing and a privilege that I hope employers will help me to acommodate so that I can be economically useful as well as continuing the population and helping the pensions crisis!! 7. Do you think the problem of motherhood can be easily fixed by paid childcare subsdised if necessary by the state? Not a solution for everyone, but it's helpful for some. 8. Do you think it is up to the state to sort out such matters? Yes. We should encourage people who want to work to do so. We should not have half the population being economically unviable. We should try to assist those who need to work, whether or not they want to.

Ladymuck - if you can find it anywhere on youtube or iplayer, please see if you can listen to this years Dimbleby lecture on assisted suicide by Terry Pratchet. I think it might really help you get inside the head of someone who wants to end their own life. It is incredibly moving and very interesting and I think it might help. And please, please go and see her before she dies. You will regret not doing so for the rest of your life. Friendship is a difficult thing but at its best it is the ability to love someone for who and what they are, not to judge, and not to fail them in difficult times. Show her, and yourself, that you are able to do that. However hard this is for you (and I don't underestimate how hard it is) this is about her life, her choices. Accept her for who she is.

Money Talks. But it can't sing and dance, and it can't walk, and all the time that you are here with me, I'd much rather be forever in blue jeans. Neil Diamond.