*Bob*

I think the idea is that if your wheelie bins and recycling boxes aren't put back exactly the way they were, it's an obvious 'tick' for a burglar. Clearly Alice recognises this. I don't accept that, at 14, you're somehow incapable of stroking a cat, putting food in a bowl (with two drops of something or other), calling the police if the place has been trashed (and your prized collection of onamental cat-themed plates stolen) and locking the door on your way out. You're doing-down sensible and trustworthy 14 year-olds everywhere.

You might as well just come out with it, Tony. You'd like to start-up in "the dogwalking game". And charge ?10 / hour.

See here, Simon. Alice will cuddle and groom your cat, sort your post, do your recycling boxes, wheelie bins and water your plants and garden - ?5 per visit. She doesn't mention bird feeder re-filling but I'm sure you can come to an arrangement. Good luck to her. It's exactly the kind of thing enterprising 14 year-olds should be doing, not grown men and women - who ought to be out driving lorries / mining coal etc

Well, Lenk.. according to which camp you're in: a) civilization as we know it in Britain has ceased to exist and the only workable remedy is to bring back hanging. b) group hugs and Clannad piped from loudspeakers on street corners could provide the answer. Reality and truth, as ever, will be somewhere in the middle. But don't expect to find that on here.

Paws at home, Simon? Tony.London Suburbs Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ?10?? its a veritable snip, would be cheap at > half the price.... It would be 'about right' at half the price. I feel that the 'professionalisation' of tasks that would otherwise have been reserved strictly for sulking teenagers, neighbourly favours and Boy Scouts has led to a decline in the moral fibre of the nation.

Fair 'wear and tear' (shoes) Depreciation on equipment (tennis ball, rubber ring) er, erm.. some other things

Anyway, back to dogwalking. Minimum wage. ?6 tops. After all, you're only walking a bloody dog, aren't you?.

Can't we even have an honest and mature discussion about dog-walking without bringing sex into it? I haven't mentioned 'little bobby', have I?

Do dog walkers charge more for larger, harder-to-handle dogs? I can appreciate the big ones might present a tougher challenge when you take them outside to piss up a lamp-post. Some of the smaller ones though.. let's be honest.. you might as well just hold them out of a window and squeeze.

Yeah - the river trips is good, and the patter of the boatdude we had was genuinely very entertaining. Very dry. In a good way. Similarly Beefeating types. Beefeaters certainly know their onions. The House of Commons guide (we had) was stiff as a board and particularly humourless, which was a shame.

Any more than one cylinder is pure extravagance, not to mention vulgar. "Peckham Rose Bike Tours".. certainly has a ring to it. Will Ted be allowed to - you know - hold on 'properly'?

Were any cars ever sold.. from ?599? Perhaps now we will never know the truth.

I do admire the panache of London's brave supersports bike owners. Hunched over the clocks in full racing crouch. Always the first to get away at the lights. Always the first to arrive at the next set of lights - fifty yards down the road.

Professional dog-walker. ?10/hour. This also seems to be the going rate for having someone come round to your house once a day, open a tin of cat food and give your cat 'a bit of a stroke'. Completely ridiculous in the grand scheme of, well, everything, but good luck to anyone who can make a living out of it (not that the taxman needs to find-out, eh?)

The modern wheeliebin makes it all too easy for the so-called modern bin-man. Easy wheeling. Pneumatic lifting. Scarely any danger from 'hot ashes'. Bring back the old bin, when bins were bins and crime was a lower. String 'em up! STRING 'EM UP, I say.. ooh, sorry.. got carried away.

Can Tiger Tim do it this year?! Come on, Tim!

Don't think that's what I'm saying, 'Gab. I'm saying is that it's easy to be (more) blase about 'the tourist trail' when you live here then it is about the 'alternative, like, real London yeah?' stuff.. eg Tower of London - whatever - YAWN etc. However, the sight of an ancient fortress packed with, quite literally, amazing stuff, is 'quite impressive'. Borough Market is packed full of tourists.. just a different kind of tourist.

If they're new to Laarndon, hitting the tourist trail is the way to go. Passing a one thousand year-old fortress on the bus so you can spend the afternoon having your sleeve tugged as you pass by a hundred identikit Indian restaurants can often lead to disappointment. Borough Market is 'the tourist trail' anyway, isn't it?

Is the invigorating sea-air an effective rememdy to the soporific effects of golf itself?

I find the reverse is true, Michael. Holiday * endless faffing with bags for six days prior * getting-up at the crack of dawn in order to spend the whole day swapping between various modes of transport with uncomfortable seats (with a two hour wait in-between each) * arriving tired at your destination tired and irritable, not knowing where anything is * sweating under a hot sun * getting home to find all your plants have died * getting the VISA bill .... STRESS

It's not tiredness. It's boredom.

And I'm sorry what I said about Ikea, Jeremy.. you mustn't hold it against me.

There'll be another one along soon, Jeremy. The rot has set in. Incidentally, if people who are sick of reading these threads are expected not to respond to them, then people who are sick of sarcastic responses can surely try and do likewise? Or is it a one way street? Camberwell Forum - Top discussions: Local shops Local community meet-ups Train lines Tube Strike Zebra Crossings Elections Local magazines Cycling Brixton Forum - Top discussions: Myatts Field Works/Improvements to town centre The lido Record shops Urban Art Local clubs East Dulwich Forum - Top Discussions Crime BE AFRAID Suspicious person seen TRUST NO-ONE I was given a funny look. Man see - possibly doing something wrong. HELL IN A HANDCART Should I move to Camberwell and Brixton? Golly, they seem awful safe and community-minded compared to here. What do the Brixton and Camberwell forums say about them, and what does this one say about us? I logged on here a few days ago and more than half the stuff on the main page was incident-related, ranging from 'useful' through to 'what?'. In addition, there were two spoof posts about pointless incident-related thread, and to cap it off - two posts from people who were either thinking of moving here, or have just moved here - wondering if the place was 'safe to live in'. Anyway, this is my LAST WORD (as TheBeard would say) on the SUBJECT. Things did not used to be this way. If that's what floats people's boats then float on. I shall be floating off.

I know people 'mean well', and I'm sure it may appear a little churlish to some to see somebody rock-up and piss all over someone's well meaning thread. But these threads are part of an self-perpetuating, cyclical and ever-increasing splurge of posts which, in the wider context of things, are absolutely meaningless, practically useless and, at worst, potentially damaging. That's how I feel about them. I'm fairly sure I'm not alone.

The sad fact is that even I deserve to have my car stolen - on account of being cruel and heartless, Jim is more likely to have his stolen - on account of leaving the thing unlocked. Where's the justice in that, I ask you?