Jah Lush

Write to the manager at the address of the shop. No one deserves to be abused like that and have such shoddy customer service. I'm sure the manager is pretty pissed off at losing ?500 worth of business. Poor management on his side though for employing such blockheads.

Indeed they were Simon and bloody brilliant they were too. "Ossie's going to Wembley, his knees have gone all trembly, la la la la, la la la la."

I'd love a record shop of Lordship Lane but I'm not sure if it would be financially viable for me or the owner.

If Macdonalds ever moved onto the Lane I would be personally fire bomb the fecker. Never tried Nandos but they don't exactly inspire me with a desire enter any of their portals and there is even one here where I work in Canary Wharf, again not a trendy place just a fecking souless shopping centre with surrounding offices swarming with androids in suits. Got a nice tube station and a Waitrose though.

He does Keef. He certainly gave the England midfield a bit of a runaround in the Euro 98 qualifiers. I just hope he settles in as quickly as Berbatov. I bloody hope we hang on to him too because he's been the business up front this season with Robbie Keane and selling him would be an outrage.

Not so sure Spurs would want Diarra. The boy has a huge problem with his ego and we've just spent ?16.5 million on Luka Modric from Dinamo Zagreb.

Rock Me Baby - B B King.

Today's office piss-artists are nothing to what it was like back in the 70s when I first started working on the newspapers. By 11am most mornings there would be a bottle of Scotch on the desk and people would be banging on the door of the pub downstairs to be let in. Actually, the bloke in the picture pouring himself a large Scotch is the dead spit of my company's soon to be retired Pensions Manager. In fact I'd swear it was him and so do all my colleagues.

Nets!!! On Saturday!!!! After a Forum jolly-up!!!! Are you mad?

I'll probably be getting the new Portishead album anyway. That scratching sounds oddly dated now though doesn't it. Had to put this on...A little mini opera this. F**k they good. From '68 in all their pomp and some great windmill swinging guitar from Pete Townsend. A Quick One While He's Away - The Who

Boy From New York City - Darts

Afraid not Anna. In fact, I don't think I've been to see the Spurs since we beat Chelsea at Wembley back in February. Still, I haven't missed much have I.

Solving one of the biggest wonders in the world ever is all in a day's work for me KK but what may I ask is a twonk?

Torres has been fantastic this season. I just hope he has crap game against the Spurs next weekend at White Hart Lane.

Oh my god! What have I let myself in for? Or the Forum cricket team come to think of it. I'm a crumbling ruin when it comes to fitness and health.

I might just be able to make this although I haven't played for 25 years. I used to be quite a handy opening batsman when I was a youngster. I could do with a bit of exercise as well, so if you're a man short and a bit desperate, a nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse etc...

Water vs Alcohol. It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia Coli Bacteria found in water that contains faeces. In other words, we are consuming one kilo of shit. However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermentation. It is my duty to communicate to all of you people who are drinking water, to stop doing so. It has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and bad for you. THEREFORE - It is better to drink alcohol and talk shit than to drink water and be full of it !!

Hmmm...as regards to Michael Ballack (or Bollock has Atila has christened him), he's played really well in the last few games for Chelsea and has really started to look the business scoring a few important goals along the way but if they still end up with nothing in the trophy cabinet at the end of the season then has he been worth the wages?

My pleasure ma'am.

I've met Moos Keef. She's lovely, so I'll introduce you. Assuming I make it that is.

Until Friday anyway Wee Quinnie.

City Too Hot - Lee "Scratch" Perry

Anyone got their new album yet? Wandering Stars - Portishead

In The City - The Jam

Some purity amongst the filth Keef? I shall be trying to stay well away from alcohol this week.