Jah Lush

So you keep saying. Being a Gooner though, do you hate them more than Spurs?

Blimey Tillie, when I was a boy growing up in Dulwich Village my mother would walk up to the Forest Hill Sainsburys and back to do the weekly shop with my sister and I. Quite a trek that. I don't seem to remember either of us moaning about it but if we did we'd have got a good clip round the ear. Kids today eh!

Word of warning...this joke is filthy The Pianist An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. 'F*cking get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the f*cking manager of this pigshit middle class wankhole please... you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says 'Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting window and I'm here to audition..... wanker.' The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song was called "Excuse me Prime Minister but I just F***ed your daughter, and now the pregnant dog is blind...' 'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively". 'Wanker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the arse you get shit on your bell-end.' 'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece?", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice flaps". 'Look' says the manager interrupting, I think you're a superb pianist but the titles of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.' 'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not'. On his first night everything is going superbly - the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde woman in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such an impressive 'swelling' that he decides to go to the bog and polish one off, just to 'relax himself'. Just as he has 'relinquished' he hears himself being re-introduced over the P.A, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?' 'Know them?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, I f*cking wrote them!!!'

Brendan, top marks old bean. Now that's what I call a review.(tu)

Damn right I was singing a different tune. I don't understand why I hadn't been in this little gem of a place before. Wonderful selection of wines at a very reasonable rate, good service and knowledgeable staff, very pleasant surroundings and of course excellent company to boot. A very enjoyable evening indeed. Must go again soon.(tu)

Fluffy, just type in scrabble club in the search engine and you'll find threads you're looking for. Mogs is the numero uno and anyone can join.

Alan Dale Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I find it staggering how London focused the > national media is. It's only when you live here > that you realise. Alan, you get a southern edition, a northern edition, Scottish and Irish editions of the majority of the national newspapers.

Two stops short of Dagenham.

Funny looking fella wears his sisters clothes I don't know what to call him I think he's one of those. George Formby

In Brazil they do have a thing called futbal salo or something like that. Where the kids learn the rudiments of their skills with a smaller ball and on five-a-side pitches. This has been introduced over here but again there's funding and there's funding.

Fat chance. But then again, it ain't over until the Fat Lady sings.

Oh! Keef you're back. Good man. Don't do it again, there's a good chap.

I think this is a splendid idea and one that needs supporting and you certainly have mine. I feel that the memorial should be in the barracks and is a right a proper place for it. As long as the barracks exist and the Cadets are taught about the regiments history and the respect that will engender then it won't fall into such disrepair again.

So, Brendan, you did go didn't you? Come on full match report please. Did anyone else go? Giggirl perhaps. Reviews please.

Atila, I don't think I'm missing the point at all. True, we have a few foreigners in our side and I'm not saying they aren't good for the game, of course they are but the spine of the team is English, if not British. I think it's very a sad indictment of English game that teams like Arsenal, Liverpool and Chelsea consistently field teams that don't have one single Englishman on the pitch apart from maybe the odd one or two and Arsenal are clearly the worst example of this. Having said that people like Trevor Brooking have been banging on about the poor level of skills at grassroots level for years. He must feel he is banging his head against a brickwall for all the good it's done.

Atila, I agree with all you say there about the grass roots of the game but coming from someone who supports Arsene Wenger's Foreign Legion is a bit much.

Don't ask me Ant, I'm completely divorced from reality. Sounds like you need a hair of the dog that bit you. Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.

lozzyloz Wrote: > to Tottenham Hotspur Football Club whom the boy > firmly believes are > incapable of beating anyone Yes, quite an old joke this one and very good it is too but wholly inaccurate of course and you really don't think I'm going to let you get away with this now do you lozzyloz? Hmm? If it applies to any team in the Premiership it's got to be Derby hasn't it? There are far too many smug Gooners on this Forum for my liking.

Congratulations to the Bishop and obviously Scott and his staff. I'm not a regular but there have been a few times when I've enjoyed a late one in there. When you consider what a dump this place used to be under it's previous incarnation as the Forresters I think the award is well deserved. Nice to see there is still healthy competition out there too in the shape of the Black Cherry which ran it very close.

I think our Keef/Slosh is having a bit of a identity crisis. Come back Keef, all is forgiven.

Annasfield Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Keef/Slosh - I prefer you as Keef..... Me too.

Gotta be the Stones for me and one of their best too.

And all I've got is a photograph And I realise your not coming back anymore.

Errr...a line of what exactly? Something in the upwardly direction perhaps? And....Keef! KEEF! What's with the Slosh nonsense? Go back to being Keef, Slosh doesn't suit you. Sloshed maybe but Keef deffo.

Oh God how I suffered the next day. I was already hammered by the time I turned up having started off on the juice at three in the afternoon. Last time I was in there I was about 19 and very likely in a similar state but it was good to go back and see how much it has improved since my last visit and of course it's always good fun on a Forum night out. I could still taste the peat from the whisky 24 hours later. Thank heaven for the lovely CWALD who, spotting that I was beginning to get a serious wobbly on very kindly came to my rescue and took me home in a taxi. Marvellous girl.