Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen ? I'd like to start by saying that what a genuine honour it is to be Paul's best man today. I appreciate that I am just one of many equally suitable close friends that he could well have chosen. But I know he looks upon me as the older brother he never had, and I look on him as the younger brother I never wanted. So here I am stood up here with this great opportunity to reveal to all, Paul?s past misdemeanours. So I could trot out the usual stories; like when he woke up in a football field wearing a red thong and swimming goggles. But instead, I?ve decided to use this time to talk of Paul?s achievements, so you needn?t worry, we?re almost at the end of the speech. Without doubt his greatest achievement is marrying Linda, who looks absolutely stunning today. You?ve done extremely well Paul, you?ve found someone who?s beautiful, charming, intelligent? and works for the local council and that?s got to have its uses if you know what I mean. And Linda, you?ve found Paul Wilson. Whoever said marriages had to start out balanced! Paul?s second greatest achievement also happened today, and that was keeping his suit jacket on throughout the ceremony and resisting what must have been an intense desire to turn up in shorts today. But despite the heat and discomfort, it?s been well worth the effort, amongst other things, he?s been boasting all afternoon that he now knows how Chewbacker felt filming those desert scenes. As it was quite challenging coming up with a third achievement I thought of getting some visual help by asking his father Raymond if he had any cute pictures of Paul when he young. I got a puzzled look and this confused reply; ?Pictures yes, cute no!? But he did tell me that as a child, Paul is fondly remembered for always asking question after question. And this morning, a little of that child returned to him, as when I passed the bathroom door I overheard him saying, 'Why me, Lord? Why me?' I also new Paul when he was little and I lost count of the number of times a grown-up remarked, ?He?ll go far, that Paul.? Secretly jealous, I used to laugh to myself that the furthest place Paul would go was to the hairdressers round the corner ? even that proved unlikely for a while. But adolescent rivalry aside, I can see that the adults were right and Paul has indeed done very well for himself. There?s the great career, his success on the sports field, his world-beating collection of porno magazines, and now of course, his perfect wife. On behalf of the bridesmaids and myself, I would like to thank Linda and Paul for giving us the opportunity to be involved in their unique and special day. I know they have both put a tremendous amount of effort in to the planning of this wedding, and can only hope that, apart from this speech, everything has exceeded their expectations. Ladies and gentlemen, it now it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Paul and Linda - Mr and Mrs Wilson. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy marriage.