Ted Max

Jim Jones. Flavor Aid anyone?

Jim Crow. Jim Corr. It's not looking good is it?

Jimmy "Jinky" Johnson in the plus column, please. Jims Callaghan and Carrey I'll leave open for allocation.

Hi jrussel, here's some good reading on the subject. www.bmj.org/papers/stop_spamming_tedious_crap.pdf Or if you prefer something conducted in a more controversial tone. www.journalpsychmedicine.ac.uk/compulsion_attention_seeking.htm

This is good stuff, jrussel. But I spot a flaw. I think you are forgetting that tight lycra, which raises body temperatures in crucial areas, coupled with too much time spent on an exercise bike, is likely to lead to mass infertility amongst the gym rats - so these hormone-addled addicts will die out eventually, leaving their empty gyms as decaying reminders of a hubristic past where the search for perfection brought about only ruin. In short, don't mess with nature, even if it's wearing lycra and digging the views of Adam Boulton.

Massive amounts of advertising, BN5. Especially on mobile.

Ghost squirrel.

Hi Brendan.

Indeed Moos, as I remarked only this morning, upon being bidden a good morning on the top deck of the 185: This spring as it comes bursts up in bonfires green, Wild puffing of emerald trees, and flame-filled bushes, Thorn-blossom lifting in wreaths of smoke between Where the wood fumes up and the watery, flickering rushes. I am amazed at this spring, this conflagration Of green fires lit on the soil of the earth, this blaze Of growing, and sparks that puff in wild gyration, Faces of people streaming across my gaze. And I, what fountain of fire am I among This leaping combustion of spring? My spirit is tossed About like a shadow buffeted in the throng Of flames, a shadow that?s gone astray, and is lost. Also, I seen a blackbird with a worm in its mouth.

It was like a boring episode of Juliet Bravo, really. With added stitching on of swans wings onto girls' backs.

Oh aye, it was absolutely chocca with whimsy and sentimentality. I emitted a wry chuckle at the depctions of rape, torture and murder over a number of years of several young girls. The nightmarish portrayal of broken relationships and lives of all concerned certainly had me reaching for the hankies in sweet pain. And the patronising view of the psychotic working class coppers beating confessions out of innocents certainly had me humming The International. Eh?

Should have taken your socks off. That might have got you to the first ad break.

Barca - Bayern is the tie of the round.

Impending RTA captured on camera.

Today's waste of time. Google Streetview. Launched in the UK today with coverage of 25 cities and towns. Go for a a walk without leaving your computer. "In areas where Street View is available, you can access street-level imagery by zooming into the lowest level on Google Maps, or by dragging the orange "Pegman" icon on the left-hand side of the map onto a blue highlighted street."

Or owned my own car. I expect these last two may be related.

Snogged a nice fat lass in the Swan, Camberwell.

Arf. I fell for that one, didn't I?

At least three of those are cheeses, aren't they?

In response to an idea on another thread. What have you never done, that it seems everyone else has. For instance, I have never seen an episode of CSI, or a Star Wars film, or read a Harry Potter book.

Chill, Maurice. I love your peaches. And have no plans to shake your tree.

Hey, cut that out. I have never watched an episode of CSI - Vegas, Miami or Bournemouth. Or a Star Wars film. Or read a Harry Potter book. (Is there a thread in there somewhere? Things you've never done that everyone else has)

FJD - there is a thread called Political Compass which has one of those questionnaires which tells you how left/ right you are. You get your results in a double-axis grid chart. *Bob* here has been imagining the results of other tests - for comedic effect - starting with an imaginary Musical Compass.

But didn't it have a second release due to its use in a jeans advert/ film/ something? Very early 1990s at a guess.

Ah Dahab. A memory returns. I was driven there once from Cairo by a policeman "contact" of mine. It was a late night, red-eyed spur of the moment decision when he decided he wanted a swim in the ocean. As he piled confiscated alcohol into his car he told me we'd buy our drugs once we got there, because of all the road blocks we'd have to pass on the way. But we'd have to be careful, he added, because the locals would assume he was f*cking me and would get a bedouin to plant opium on us as punishment. This would lead to a minimum 25 year stretch in a local prison if caught. Plus extra for the alleged sodomy. I didn't take any opium or annoy any locals. Which I think was probably his aim. He did bring a gun with him though, just in case. "For bandits". The only time I saw him fire it was when Cameroon scored against England in the football. He asked me if I wanted to fire it when England scored. But I assured him I wasn't English. And no, reader, I didn't f*ck him. There was a 45 year old German divorcee in the next hut to mine with an Egyptian boy who looked no older than 14. They definitely were f*cking. My policeman took a large swig of Egyptian brandy, exhaled hashish smoke through his wet lips, and told me that us foreigners were ruining his country. It was not the beginning, as they say, of a beautiful friendship.