daizie
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Everything posted by daizie
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SHOPLIFTERS get your kicks on the 'net by putting items into your shopping basket on Amazon and then leaving without paying
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AVOID ever having to do jury service by simply committing several serious offences
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POTATOES wrapped in tin-foil and kept in a cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.
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BRING Twitter to real life by following strangers in the street and telling them any old crap that comes to mind
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UNICORNS. Blend in among horses by wearing a top hat
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SECRET farters: a rolled up sock down the back of your underpants makes an excellent silencer
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TWO USED toilet roll holders sellotaped together make ideal binoculars for viewing objects that require no magnification
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Rabbit
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A RASHER of bacon makes an ideal ? la mode wristband
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NARNIA if your inflatable sex doll starts crying it's not developing feelings for you, it just needs emptying .
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PRETEND TO BE from the 1920s by dressing in black and white and walking everywhere 20% faster than normal.
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I dont know how to help you Narnia
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CONVINCE your neighbours that evolution is working backwards by not shaving for a week, walking to your car gradually more stooped each morning and wearing a monkey costume on the Friday
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None of yer business . Wonder if a bottle of vodka will be alright what do you reckon?
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KEEP AN empty bottle of milk in your fridge in case someone wants black coffee or even tea.
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Yes two kidneys and a jigsaw. Can I have 1,101 ( the number of men ive slept with give or take a few)
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Well it's always lonlier at the top rubsley. Oh i didn't realise ,you can fit it through my box whenever.
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So did you find what you were looking for Rory?
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Has posting on this forum hindered your employment prospects?
daizie replied to Axeman's topic in The Lounge
I get lonely at times and then i look at' little timmy tight arse' and I realise that I am not lonely anymore. He found me. I did not go 'looking' . -
I would hazard a guess he was a self important freak. I mean really one rasher of bacon ? Unless he had learning disabilities there can not be another explaination.
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FOOL EVERYONE into thinking you have just eaten an apple by rubbing your tummy and saying loudly "Mmm! That was a lovely apple."
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I was going to type 'Balls' However, fleece's are just Wrong
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Has posting on this forum hindered your employment prospects?
daizie replied to Axeman's topic in The Lounge
Office workers. Avoid distractions from your important paperwork by making "blinkers" out of two Post-It note stickers, one stuck to each temple. -
Sus sex
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NO COMPUTER? Experience the joys of online food shopping by walking blindfolded around Tesco dropping items into your trolley