daizie

spank

I have a mantelpiece full of cards

Sounds like a drama queen who wants attention . Poor you louisiana. Id have ignored him or sent a message back saying 'who is it' ?

fyvum Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > How to become a hair dresser, > 1. have a lobotomy. > 2. learn to speak shite for an hour at a time to > the adjacent equally gormless hairdresser. > 3. cut hair anyhow without paying the slightest > attention to what you are doing whilst constantly > ignoring the 'victim'. > 4. burn the scalp with the dryer. > 5. smile at the customer when they arrive at the > till to entice a larger tip. > 6. snigger and smirk to other hairdressers as you > relieve the sap of a small fortune. > 7. go out the back for a fag whilst next > sap/victim sits and waits for another twenty > minutes! > > > 'Voila' one hairdressing professional. Sorry to all you serious serious people on the forum but I just have to say LOL:))

I have wondered this too . My dog gets hold of them and kills them. If i can get to it fast enough i throw it over the neighbours fence and the toad

LOL

Ha ha very funny. Infact that is very funny :))

Three suicides here.. spooky .

Understand - that just about sums it up steveo, how dreadful for you . I wonder where the money goes .

steveo Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Castlebar could be accused of being negligent but > keeping old people hydrated is a nightmare so I > don't blame them Blimey steveo that is very gracious of you , id have had their guts for garters . Really the staff should have a hydration program in place, including helping residents with drinking,( assisting and encouraging drinking warmed drinks even through a straw) offering a variety of beverages and providing drinks not only at mealtimes but in between meals.Also make sure that they monitor residents weight and assess them if their physical condition or mental state changes. Absolutely everything should be monitored and recorded.

OLD PEOPLE refrain from smelling of piiss and talking about how a farthing could last you a year during the war and perhaps relatives would make more of an effort to visit (sorry i just couldnt help myself)

Elephant tusks make ideal tooth-picks for Esther Rantzen

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but they vary in the levels of crap . In my experience when old people enter residential care or hospital they will rapidly go downhill. Keep him at home and buy in outside support funded by Social Services would be my suggestion, if you cant do this, make sure someone who cares about him goes in to check on him frequently, check that he is actually eating and not losing weight, being cleaned adequately, wearing his own clothes not someone elses etc etc, dont settle for a crap service, ever . The Mail ran an article on this a few days ago, sorry i cant remember how to post a link . If anyone does have any positive care home experiences anywhere i would be very interested to hear this too .

SEXIST Andy Gray, his job should be given to a woman...... one with really big tits!!!

Just for you camberwell70 . RUB a bite size Mars Bar and Lemon Juice into the Gusset of your Knickers/Underpants will fool your Partner into thinking you are either starting to wear the same Underwear for two weeks or, that you are suddenly becoming Doubly Incontinent

shoes will last 20% longer if you increase your stride by 1/5th

Whats happened to waynetta?

FOOL members of the Public into thinking you are desperate for the Toilet by clutching yourself tightly whilst rushing in the direction of the nearest Public Conveniences and loudly saying, " I'm going to fill my pants !

CONVINCE your neighbours your dead by leaving your curtains shut, leaving the post to pile up and ignoring the doorbell and phone calls. If no one shows any concern after a week, they aint no neighbour!

Awww that is so heart warming . TUNNELLING under your neighbors house may take months of effort but imagine their faces when you surface in their living room

TROUSERS too long? Simply develop bow legs from Rickets. Adjust your vitamin D deficiency to the length required

ANDY GRAY. Bring job centres into the 21st century by signing on with your electronic pen

ANDY GRAY AND RICHARD KEYS: Use your time off work to reflect on your sexist remarks and watch some Roy Chubby Brown videos

LIBRARIES. Minimise thefts by attaching string to all your books. Simply wind the string in when they are due back.

NEVER trust a coalman who leaves your house with one clean finger