Brendan

Just got back. Desk Sergeant Kobus van Jaarsveld told me to bugger off and stop wasting police time. His aunty Bessie is recovering well from the sprained ankle.

Fuck me I didn't realise. I'm off down the nick to hand myself in.

Oh dear, should have kept him then and thrown out a darkie.

So it's not all that bad.

oilworker Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > What do you mean he has dyslexia - are you sure > he's just not thick? *not just thick?.

Ah, stuff from the olden days. How quaint.

Has Bruce Dickinson died?

Interesting point about the military. If Scotland became independent and the British military become that of the United Kingdom of England, Wales and Northern Ireland (and various other islands) what would happen to all the Scots in the military? I don?t know exactly what proportion of the military they make up but I have two friends who are both career army men, they are both Scottish and it seems from the way they speak of things that a disproportionate number of their contemporaries are.

I'm going to Jah's!

I'm going to Jah's.

Fuck off! It's difficult enough to reverse a family laden mondeo out of there after 5 pints as it is without a bloody great stand with the severed heads of the aristocracy, publicans, tories and aliens hanging from it in the way.

If people insist on being ignorant idiots who reject things that will be demonstrably better for them all, well then they deserve what they get. I?m done caring about their rights, and welfare.

Frankito Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- , how he has > managed to fool an otherwise intelligent nation What nation's that then?

I have long hair now because when I was a boy we had to have short back and sides or our school teachers would hit us on the bum with sticks. While I am happy that in this more enlightened country and these more enlightened times we give little value to such pointlessly restrictive social practices I do wonder what my son is going to have to rebel against when he?s a teenager. He is welcome to have long hair, speak his mind and drink milk from the carton. But being all rebellious and shit was one of the few perks of being a teenager and I almost feel it my duty as a father to provide my offspring with at least some sort of unreasonable restriction to his self expression for him to get angst ridden over.

?4.10! Bastards. It was last Thursday evening when I last ventured out of the font door to briefly wash off life?s coarse passing with a few pints of redemption. I normally have pint of Badger when visiting this particular pub, the one next door to my house. It costs about ?2.80, the pint of Badger not my house, which I think is a bit steep but nevertheless acceptable. I didn?t order Badger on this occasion though. Oh no I was suckered by the new, big, shiny pump attached to the bar proclaiming in red letters that it dispenses Peroni. ?May I please have a pint of Peroni?? I asked. ??Course you can.? Said the barmaid. The pretty one with long black hair, not the pugnacious one who throws her cigarette butts out the 1st story window onto my car. She made with the pint pulling and I did some of that patient waiting at the bar which is the traditional thing to do in that particular situation. ?That?ll be ?4.75 please.? She said. ?Fuck me!? I said. ?I?ll remind you that I know your wife!? She said. ?mnn mm sorry ?? I mumbled and handed over a fiver, you know proper paper money and everything, to have but a couple of tiny silver coins returned to my down-at-heels palm. I took my purchase to my usual table in the corner, guarding it closely for fear that its resale value may attract the local form. I didn?t enjoy it much. I left the pub by the back door, impoverished and confused by this cruel new world I had found myself in where pints of beer cost a fiver and people just carry on as if everything was normal. I wandered in despair for at least a couple of minutes until I got to the other pub. The other pub has big television screens which show various things mostly involving balls or horses. It has a cocksure barmaid from Australia with big breast and a chubby barman from Essex with bigger breasts. It has specials on Thursday nights and you can get a pint of Stella for ?2.50 or a pint of Carlsberg for ?2. You can also get beaten up for free most nights of the week. The barman supplied me with libation and an initially confusing conversation in which he kept on referring to someone called ?Our Kate?. I found this odd as I don?t remember ever acquiring something called a Kate. I gradually got the gist of what he was ?on about?. Or at least I think I did. I?m not entirely sure where I?m going with this but I don?t think that barman would be too keen about the idea of a gibbet. Ooh look a squirrel.

I?ve been alive for over 12 thousand days and I have absolutely no memory of being abducted by aliens on a single one of them. It?s truly frightening when you think of it.

And there you have it folks. Speaks volumes dunnit?

Yep. They made an ally of their biggest threat and then used them as a shield against a backlash which should really be directed at them. Fucking clever ploy.

I did but I can?t remember any of it because of all the memory wiping.

Clean your own fucking bank.

Did I say trees? Sorry I meant cunts.

Not as many trees.

Or Cork. I'll never forget Cork where I was abducted by Aileens.

They really have demonstrated what filth they are with their conduct in this campaign haven?t they? Cheers Mr ?New Politics? Cameron.

I was once abducted by aliens and they wiped the entire experience from my memory. I know it happened though because I can?t remember a single thing about it.