Out of the Mouths of Parents

[darlin']

These are just some of the thing I have heard myself saying to my two year old recently....

"Stop licking me"

"NO we don't draw on our tummies"

"NO we don't draw on the floor!"

"NO WE DON"T PAINT ON THE WALLS" (ok this one was shouted)

"No don't eat that it's been stuck there for over a....oh well, never mind, I'm sure it's ok"

"No mummy didn't do a 'poo poo'. It was a fart. But thanks for telling everyone."

"baby doesn't want to eat your breadsticks."

"Stop walking on the table"

"No you DON'T poo on the floor"

"Do not pick it up"

"Give it to daddy"

"Why are you carrying around a tea cup with batteries in?"

"Why is there sand in the oven?"

"No you cannot stroke the bumble bee"

"Take the slug out of your mouth"

"GET OFF my tomatoes"

"Do not tip that bowl over your head.....Do not eat those out of your hair...Do not wipe that into your face"

"Please don't sit on the baby. She doesn't like it"

What have you been saying recently?!?!

[Fuschia]

Most of those...

Though we have had

"Why is there a mobile phone in the toilet?"

[Ruth_Baldock]

My son is a crawling and mastering walking TERROR. So far today already we've had:

'NO, hands OUT of the fireplace' (soot, ick)

'NO NO NO, DO NOT EAT THE SOIL'

'Hands out of the poopy nappy, please'

'Please don't lick the TV, sweetie...'

His favourite one is to eat his porridge, nosedive at me for a breastfeed and then blow porridgy rasberries on my top, if I'm not quick enough about getting 'the goods' out.

[Moos]

"don't lick the pavement" and "don't lick the cat's bottom" are two things I never thought I'd have to say, along with such handed-down-the-generational classics as "Are you listening?" (in self-righteous tone), "what did I just tell you?" (ditto), and the one I try to stay away from but sometimes pops out - especially because we're in the WHY phase - "Because I said so".

Ho hum.

[citizenED]

one, two, three, four, FIVE...

[felt-tip]

jeez - you guys are strict.

[craigy]

Please don't pull my skirt up/ down or put your head up my skirt...

Glad I am not the only one who has to ask for child to stop licking me....

[edanna]

Kind and gentle with your baby sister. Kind and GENTLE!

[dulwichmum]

GRANDPA IS NOT PURPLE!

(actually he is...)

[citizenED]

felt-tip - I was just teaching mine to count!

[snowboarder]

Non baby friend, to me: 'oooh - what's all that on your shoulder?' Me, glancing then offhand: 'Snot.....'

Perfectly normal.

[Alec John Moore]

Funnily enough if you hold the toast upside down the jam will fall off.

[new mother]

"I don't care what XYZ at school are allowed to do by their mummies. This is my house."

"I don't think Daddy did say yes, did he?"

basically I've turned into my own mother.

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

"NO, don't smack the flatscreen TV with your toy"

"NO, don't smack nan nan"

"NO, don't smack mummy"

"NO, don't smack your cousins"

"NO, stop biting"

"NO, no biting the wires"

"NO, no grabbing the shower cord"

"NO, don't pull the curtain"

"NO, don't lunge off the bed, feet first"

"NO, don't put that in the toilet"

All I keep saying is "NO" and all he does is laugh at me. I am bewildered that all my charges were SO much better behaved than my little cheeky monkey.

[darlin']

"Do you really need to take the toy toilet to bed with you? Oh you do? Oh ok then"

"Please don't stick Makka Pakka on her forehead. Thank you"

"I said 'kiss her goodnight' not 'lick her lips'...you weirdo"

[sledge]

This thread is great. I suddenly feel normal! ;)

[Helen GV]

please stop eating your shoe

Please don't eat daddy's shoe

Please take off aunty's shoes

Good boy...

[apenn]

Things I or my husband have been saying, (not to our almost toddler, but . . .)

Who sent a this text message?

Who shut down the computer?

You can lock the phone keypad?

and finally, "Sorry officer. Yes, we have a small child. Yes, we will move the phone."

-A

[charlottep]

To my son:

why don't you just say (in proud tone) "mummy, i have done a poo poo".

Please take off the necklaces now, daddy will be home soon.

No, the potty isn't fireman sam's hat.

My son copying me:

"it's bloody hot in here" (EVERYTIME we go somewhere hot)

[Moi23]

craigy Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Please don't pull my skirt up/ down or put your

> head up my skirt...

>

and then: 'No sweetie, don't pull my pants down PLEASE!'

[Mellors]

The worst conversation today (with nearly 2 year old daughter):

Me: Why is your nappy off?

Her: Wanna poo...

Me: Ok, lets go to the potty

Her: No, DUNNA poo

Me: WHERE??! (bearing im mind she is not yet potty trained)

Her: Uppydairs (upstairs)

Me: Frantic searching and sniffing round upstairs bedrooms/bathrooms. I finally found said log in......the washing basket in her brother's bedroom (quite handily if you come to think about it). Contemplated whether I could just chuck it in the washer but decided removal was best option.

My life is officially GRIM. Where did the glamorous me go?

[samstopit]

No, it's not the morning yet.

No, it's still not the morning, it's the middle of the night.

Oh ok then we can go downstairs but please don't wake your ... oh, bugger.

[Mellors]

How about this morning's "Please stop riding your sister".....(like a horse).

[Maki]

"It's 3 in the morning, please stop pulling my hair"

"It's 3.30 in the morning and mummy and daddy have to work tomorrow please play quietly over there if you must play"

"It's nearly 4am, why are you still death bombing me?"

"Please go to sleep sweetheart, mummy can't play right now"

"Oh My Goodness how are you still awake and Happy????"

[ClareC]

One I hope to never have to say again! 'don't put your foot up the dogs bottom' ! Eugh! Swift Milton wipe moment!!!