Labour - what to do with older siblings?

[Adam]

Just wondering what arrangements others made to look after existing children when they went into labour with no. 2?

Our daughter will be just 3 when her new sibling arrives. We think she might be quite scared (and bored) by coming to hospital with us but don't have friends or family who could look after her on short notice in her own home.

We want her to have positive memories of the new baby arriving and not to be unsettled before he even arrives home - does anyone have any experience to share?

Thanks

[Helen GV]

Make arrangements with friends if you have no family around. Make sure your daughter is around them a lot before the due date so if she wakes p in the morning and you are not there she won't freak out.

Have a lot of people on stand by!

Or have a home birth?

There was a thread on this stared by Ruth so I'll see if I can find it.

[Helen GV]

http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?29,584821,584897#msg-584897

[rachel83]

How about neighbours or someone from your NCT Group?

[Ruth_Baldock]

We had a circle of emergency contacts who kne our eldest well enough to have him if needs be. I had a "manual" for him, as he's a difficult and spirited fellow sometimes, and they All had a copy of it. A friend is doing the same thing ATM, she's due her second in Novemember and we are on her "list". In the end, my second baby was an elective c/s and we could plan for my eldest to go to my ils, so it all worked out well.

Good luck!

[kemurf]

Definitely have a list of 3 or 4 contacts who your 3 year old is familiar with, who are prepared to step in when the time comes; send them all an email, with everyone's contact numbers etc and have a bag of clothes, toys etc ready that she can take with her. If your 3 year old is at a nursery /childminder it's worth talking to them to see if they could help out. Someone might even be prepared to stay over at yours if you go into labour at night, so as not to wake your little one. I had an elaborate contact list for my second and it worked out well; it was a Sunday evening, my sister stayed over, I went into Lewisham Birth Centre at 10pm, baby was born at 3am and I was home by 9am! Very lucky. And it all seems to have worked fine for my friends with their 2nd /3rd babies.

Good luck!

[nikki73]

Adam we,are in exactly the same boat.and friends we are close enough to ask live either too far,don't know our daughter well enough or away around my due date in 3 weeks!ill be watching this thread closely.

[Helen GV]

All I can add is NOT to rely on luck, get it organised and have far more people than you think you need. I went into labour a week early with my second child and both my brother and sister were away, hadn't thought I would need to plan more than that but in the end my husband looked after my little boy, an eventuality I knew was possible so was prepared for it but obviously not ideal!

Try not to be shy about asking people as they will only be too happy to help, and three weeks is enough time to do some speedy familiarisation!

Good luck

[nunheadmum]

Would recommend all that is said above. AND make sure you get landline numbers for everyone.....mobiles often get left downstairs / put on silent etc, etc at night.....especially if you go off unexpectedly early!!!

[Mellors]

Also even if you plan for home birth do have a back up. With No 3 I was all set to go, handily went into labour at midnight and we all thought I would be done and dusted before they woke up.

Cue baby getting stuck, blue light ambulance to Kings and husband frantically phoning round to get childcare in the early hours and then cover during the day until the in-laws arrived from Deepest Suffolk (and typically not on a nursery day, although am very grateful that they stepped in at the last minute).

Have plans, and back up plans, and back up, back up plans.....

[Belle]

hmm, this thread is making my half made plans look pretty disorganised, must go and plan!

[Adam]

Thanks everyone for the ideas, and good to know we're not the only ones worried how it will work!

We are currently thinking go for a home birth, with a couple of friends/ grandparents on standby - and hope we don't have to drag our daughter along to King's with us in the early hours...

[Helen GV]

She might not be allowed in, have you checked if it's even an option?

[BellendenBear]

Ditto what everyone else has said about plans, more plans, backup plans....

Worrying about childcare for my 2 year old was a massive source of stress in the build up to baby number 2. Luckily it all went very smoothly with a very speedy middle of the night labour, sister-in-law coming round at 6am to distract toddler when she woke at 7, baby born at home less than an hour later with toddler blissfully unaware upstairs. She was then whisked off to nursery and knew nothing of the arrival of her baby sister until tea time when we had caught up on some sleep. Phew.

[sillywoman]

There is no way on God's earth I would have taken any of my little ones to Kings whilst I was in labour. It could traumatise them for life! There was one point when it looked like we might have to consider it at very short notice (I was pushing at home for a while & my Mother hadn't turned up as arranged). There was no doubt in my mind that MrS would have to stay home with our daughter whilst the midwife & I went to Kings if it came to it. Luckily it didn't.

I know everyone is different but please consider carefully. A busy labour ward is really, really not the place to take any child. If you do take her what use will you be able to be as a birth partner - all your time will likely be spent with your little girl, reassuring her that the odd moaning/mooing/screaming noises she can hear are nothing to be concerned about?

As many others have already said; have plans, Plan B's, reserve plans & backup plans. Postnatal ward is OK for little ones to visit, but the labour ward? A definite 'Not under any circumstance' for me.

[womanofdulwich]

I had a home birth wiht no 2 and actually I was surprised how uncomfortable I was even in the early stages of labour with my 4 year old asking for cuddles etc. I really think you need a spare pair of hands dedicated to your eldest child so that you can get on with No2.

[Princess]

I can only agree with all the above. We had plans for every night except one. I did look into employing a night nanny 'just in case', but it was expensive and stupidly I believed all the 'your body won't let it happen until everything's in place' conversations. Of course it did happen that night and very quickly too! As my husband packed me off in an ambulance I thought there was a very real chance I'd have my baby alone. Luckily he managed to wake a friend of ours who doesn't have kids and has only met my son a few times. He came over and got my son up, gave him breakfast etc. Both out friend and 19 month old son coped really well until my mum and dad arrived from Wales and mum swung into action!

In hindsight, I really wish I'd put my hand in my pocket and paid for the night nanny!

[Ruth_Baldock]

When I went into kings to have Lex, there was a toddler being wheeled around the ward on one of those smart trikes by I can only assume a bloke who was his DAd; judging by the desperate tone e was using whilst on his phone...not something I would ever want to experience, really, although mr b did actually want Seb in the room as I gave birth at one point. Surgery and me threatening him with q kick in the goolies soon put that right

[Otta]

We were lucky to have my mum near by, but also had a list of phone numbers of close friends who had been warned of the possibility they might have to cone to hospital and sit with our older daughter until my mum could be reached.

In the end, all the plans went out the window anyway.

[Yak]

Also worth seeing if you can do a trial run of her staying over at friends or family - that way, if you need to transfer her in the middle of the night to someone else's house she won't wake up in the morning in totally unfamiliar surroundings. My sister did this when expecting her second, but luckily didn't need it in the end - she had a home birth in the middle of the afternoon. We whisked off her son to our house at the first sign of contractions and dropped him off once the baby had been born and everyone had had some sleep.

Other top tips I've picked up second hand (I'm sure parents with more than 1 will have loads more) - buy a present for the eldest sibling from the baby (such as an "I'm the big sister" Tshirt from Amazon). Make sure the baby is in a moses basket / cot and not being cuddled by a parent when you introduce your daughter to the newest member of the family. Involve her in as much babycare as possible - my nephew is still desperate to fully participate in every nappy change, particularly if it involves poo! (Maybe that's just him / a boy thing, tho....).

And - as controversial as this may sound - might be worth asking friends / family to look after your daughter for a few extra hours (depending on when the baby arrives) so you can catch up on sleep before introducing her to the baby. Overexcited toddler plus needy newborn plus physically and emotionally exhausted parents is tough for all concerned!

Good luck!

[nikki73]

Would definitely not want my daughter at st thomas' with me. Not even sure i'd like her to visit the chaotic post natal ward unless I need to stay more than a night. Iam also not convinced a child would be allowed to stay during labour.

What really worries me is everyone i speak to seems to say their second labour lasted 3 hours so that hardly gives any time to drop of toddler, which iswhy we have only looked at local options (and failed to come up with any). Night time labour is my big worry. Toddler is at nursery during the day.

[Adam]

Apparently Kings do allow kids but I agree we would have to be desperate - will try to come up with several other plans instead. At least going for a home birth there will be a midwife for my wife to go into King's with if other plans fail and I need to stay behind with our eldest.

One-off night nanny has prompted me to think we will also try former nannies/ babysitters - at least someone she already knows.

Thanks everyone

[ludoscotts]

We went through this earlier this year and I can say that the homebirth option worked wonderfully for us. My sister came down for the week to stay so that there was someone to take care of my daughter, when I felt the contractions were coming on strongly I gave my sister the nod and she took our daughter to the park then out for tea. By the time they finished tea I had our baby boy and was showered and back in bed ready for her to meet her baby brother.

if you opt for a home birth and dont have it as an emergency you get 2 midwives so they could take your wife to hospital while you arrange care for your first child. If I had gone more than a week late we had friends on standby and we had packed a bag for our daughter with her ready bed, favourite book, spare teddy, pj's etc and snacks and a list of do's and dont's etc for her incase she had to be rushed off to their house quickly.

good luck for it all-if you have any more questions about home birth or places to make mummy friends etc send me a pm leanne