Sex with an Ex good or bad?

[LizzygotDizzy]

In a dilemna, bumped into my ex who since leaving me has turned into Mr F***** wonderful, tarted himself up, looks hot, works regularly (would not have been an ex had he done all that when he was with me in the first place! doh!) but unfortunately he is currently spoken for and in quite a serious relationship now. I'm not one for stepping on other's people's turf but he is the father of my kids, but I'm lonely and don't get out often, lack of minders etc. so am finding it hard to meet people, the other week I caught him checking me out, (could have been my imagination though ha) so can't really be that serious about girlfriend, but is it possible to just have a kind of one off, especially when you are feeling so frustrated, in fact think my hymman has grown back! (sorry to be crude) maybe I could just borrow him for a bit without the resounding feelings of guilt or disappointment I feel would come hurtling down on me, would it make me a bad person? Or should I wait until their relationship fizzles out then make a move? What if he reverts to being Mr Sofa Hugger again? Maybe she is doing something for him I'm not which is why he changed? God knows sorry seriously personal and pathetic thread I know. But my first so please forgive me.

[Ladygooner]

In my experience it is never a good idea to go back! How come you bumped into him when he is the father of your kids? Doesn't he see the kids any more?

[LizzygotDizzy]

He does but the oldest usually takes them down to him so we rarely have sight of eachother.

[Keef]

Don't go back, never, or at least very rarely, works! There is a reason you split.

[dulwichmum]

In my experience it is never a good idea to indulge in sex before marriage. A man should always provide a woman with large quantities of jewelery before she throws caution to the wind (so to speak).

[SimonM]

>>In my experience it is never a good idea to indulge in sex before marriage<<

I do so concur. It is why a true gentleman flirts only with married women....:))

[dulwichmum]

Mr SimonM, you really are terribly saucey! Are you a true gentleman? I am just stunning you know (for a lady of my age).

[SimonM]

>> Are you a true gentleman?>>

I did used to harbour aspirations in that direction but alas have become old and cynical and less discriminating...:'(

>> I am just stunning you know (for a lady of my age).<<

Yes, so I gather. All the chaps say so! :))

[dulwichmum]

You beast! (giggle - I am a 65 year old man you know!).

[LizzygotDizzy]

Sorry, should have made it clear talking about an ex from a relationship some years ago.

[LizzygotDizzy]

It is possible sometimes for men to change isn't it? God knows because I don't.

[Ladygooner]

They never change in my opinion - but then women don't either. We are who we are

[Asset]

The man I'm with now and have been for the last 15 years who is the father of my two children, is my 'childhood sweetheart', so to say it's wrong to go back is not always true. We both had long-term relationships after splitting up at age 18.

BUT - your chap is with someone else and personally I wouldn't go there if that is the case, even if all you want is a bit of light relief now and again. It's too complicated and people could end up getting hurt, you included.

Sorry if that's not want you want to hear but as you said yourself his current relationship is 'fairly serious'. If he's the kind of guy to mess her around, he'll mess you around too.

[CrystalClear]

depends which one.

[Shu.Kurimu.Sensei]

One word of warning, you do realise that your current partner, your ex, his current squeeze, or both could be reading this don't you? :)) Plus who's to say his current partner hasn't infected him with a STD that you would likely catch, then pass on to your partner? Things like HIV, genital warts or Chlamydia can take an awful long time to show up (HIV can have an incubation period for several years before showing up on current tests for example) just some food for thought.

[luddite]

dear

'dizzy got lizzy'

find a new love , your message has conflicting information in it 'he's in quite a serious relationship ' he was checking me out ' 'so he cant be that serious about her ' {sic}

when did you split up ? have you met anyone you like since ? how old are your children ? do you work ?a part time job can be a good way to meet people not just lovers but new friends.

do you have the money or time/energy or time for hobbies. group stuff like skating bowls and reading groups

ie the forums own booksharing group .

i totally undersatnd the lonliness and the lack of sex can be frustrating . am i right in thinking you finished with the ex ? i identify with this feeling BUT i can assure you if you ever made this guy feel inadequate then this wi=ould rear up and haunt you both he MAY still be the same bloke you got bored and disillusioned with just your circumstances are casting him in a new light . for your sake i hope him or his bird arent reading this forum ..........:}

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

I have to admit I did the same thing in the Summer with my most recent ex and he started trying to get his feet under the table again! I have now decided to try celibacy cos I am really crap at choosing men and have managed a month and a half so far with the sex-drive-killing contraceptive implant as back-up. It's difficult, but getting rid of unsuitable blokes is more difficult, so I'm trying to stay strong!

So I would say it depends on how good the ex is and whether you think he's good enough to become a current - most of mine are definitely not!

[Keef]

Keef Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Don't go back, never, or at least very rarely, works! There is a reason you split.

Just to expand (wrote that on my mobile whilst on the bus).

I once went back to a long term girlfriend, knowing full well how bad we were together, but trying to convince myself it would all be great second time round... After an initial couple of great weeks, it was as bad as ever, and we had to have another horrible break up.

When I first met Mrs Keef, she was considering going back to a long term ex. I told her the above story, and advised against it (okay, so I was looing out for myself a bit). She did however go back, and sure enough, after a short time, everything was just as it had always been.

Having said all that, I used to work with a lovely lady in Liverpool who had divorced her husband, and they'd sold their house and everything. A couple of years later they bumped in t each other, and ended up getting married a second time, and were very very happy... Good story, but I suspect more rare.

[luddite]

my main worry wouldnt be stds those are another impportant issue , but the fact that everybody could end up sadder than they were before , also going back always has more onus on the one who has finished it not to hurt the other once more ....yet as keef says , unlikely that people change ..in the same dynamicat least . other people/new partners allow us to behave differently for a while at least SO SOMETIMES WE DO . hes trying to be better in this new relationship>

LIZZYWOTSIT * sic you may be one of those caring doers who take over and make people feel in adequate i am guilty of the same its to do with my childhood where i had to be a coper at an early age , its often worth looking at your self first and not others and learning to recognise repeated patterns of behaviour which may not be good for you in the long run

[LizzygotDizzy]

Thanks good advice, I feel the sex drive sinking back from whence it came already. Lol! Oh well back to the battery operated bunny mathingyging!

[Michael Palaeologus]

Then again, any sex is good when you are not getting any.

Where's my inflatable friend?

[Brendan]

A friend of mine has a philosophy that, after any episode in your life be it good or bad you should always ask yourself the question, ?Did I get any sex out of it??

If the answer is yes it was worthwhile.

[*Bob*]

Show me some pictures of your exes and I will decide if it's a good or bad idea.

[woodie]

could be a laugh. dont see 'future' in it tho.

[Jah Lush]

There's no future in the past. Have you considered onanism?