Child off to University this year! Any one else going through this experience?

[TillieTrotter]

My daughter has just accepted her place at Exeter Uni and will be spreading her wings come this October. I'm very pleased but obviously will miss her badly. Anyone got any helpful tips etc?

[SeanMacGabhann]

Tillie

I'm assuming you mean from a parental viewpoint? As you know I can't help there - but having lived in Exeter for 6 years and lived a student life ( ish) for nigh on 25...

I can tell you that she has picked a pretty good spot - the University is a tad self-satisfied for my taste (when I lived there in the 90s it didn't have a student union but a "guild of students". It was also lampooned in the NME for being the only uni to campaign for local gigs to be turned down as the students found them a bit loud.)

But the town and environs are are fairly peerless as far as location and safety go (if you are worried about that)

I still go back every couple of months and note that, as with most towns in England, the town centre at a weekend after 7pm is fairly "lively" but there are plenty of alternative spots for any intelligent (which your daughter most definitely is) person to gravitate towards

Some other friends have just moved down there from Croydon and are absolutely loving it and I can see why. I think your daughter will adore it and when you go down to visit you'll be pleased at where she has ended up too. Hope she enjoyes it as much as I did

[SteveT]

Tillie Trotter wrote: Anyone got any helpful tips etc?

Book your rail tickets in advance.

Always use a condom.

Give up smoking.

Its the best I can do off the top of my head;-)

[TillieTrotter]

Cheers for that Steve but have you got any tips for my daughter>:D

[david_carnell]

Well I only left Uni 3/4 years ago so it's still quite fresh.

First year isn't too important (unless you're silly enough to study science) so don't get too stressed if you struggle at first.

Don't over-commit to clubs, socs, activites etc. You have to pay up front and then you'll only ever go to one meeting all year. Pick one, two at most, and stick to it. You can always do something else next year.

Ease yourself in. Go for catered halls in first year. They don't give you every meal so you can still do some cooking before flinging yourself in the deep end in second year.

Pick your modules with care. If you're unsure whether studying Icelandic Feminism is for you - it's probably not (that was a real course in my Politics dept).

Hoodies are appropriate dress for nearly all occassions.

If you're paying more than ?2 a pint or ?20 1/8th you're being ripped off.

Buy textbooks second hand. Uni bookshops are the biggest swindle going.

Don't blow your loan in the first month.

Some of your new friends will find pesto exotic. Don't laugh.

Finally....enjoy it whilst you can - it doesn't last forever and you'll never get another chance for so many opportunities.

[SeanMacGabhann]

you that young DC?? bit of a wise old soul aren't you...

[mockney piers]

"If you're paying more than ?2 a pint or ?20 1/8th you're being ripped off."

Blimey, I was paying more than that at Uni 15 years ago. No wonder I was skint when I left.

Oh, and remember to study a bit, I regret not having done more (much/any)

[Asset]

better to buy in bulk, it's cheaper.

[david_carnell]

SeanMacGabhann Wrote:

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> you that young DC?? bit of a wise old soul aren't

> you...

I could have been a mature student!

Yeah, I'm still in nappies really. Can 24 still be early twenties rather than mid twenties please?

Not sure about the wise old soul thing although due to my fondness of drinking whisky and wearing slippers I was considered somewhat of a "grandad" by my mates at uni! :-$ Given the current in-fashion status of cardigans, I like to consider myself ahead of the curve!

[KalamityKel]

It's okies DC I know younger ppl who do the same things even now ;-)

[Cassius]

SeanMacGabhann Wrote:

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It

> was also lampooned in the NME for being the only

> uni to campaign for local gigs to be turned down

> as the students found them a bit loud.)

Saw U2, Simple Minds, Desmond Dekker, Stereophonics and Southern Death Cult at Exeter Uni (was the Lemontree still open when you were there?) - the 1980's students must have been a bit less po'faced than the more recent ones.....

[SeanMacGabhann]

ah the Lemontree - indeed it was. I saw Suede and Bill Hicks amongst others there (I'm still inordinately proud of the Hicks thing)

I worked as a barman in the old Arts Centre for a while too (it shut for a few years around the millenium and was reborn as the Phoenix and is now a comparatively soulless place - but I still go there)

Sorry if we have hijacked the thread Tillie - but it's all good for giving you a flavour of Exeter

[georgia]

Isn't it the Lemon Grove? I saw Birdland play there many years ago.

Tillie I am sure your daughter will have a great time at Uni, I went to Plymouth and had some of the best years of my life there

[Cassius]

Yep - the Lemon Grove - goodness how time warps the brain..........

Tillie - I didn't go to Uni at Exeter but think its a lovely city and a great Uni - I hope she has a wonderful time.

[Keef]

I remember my parents taking me up to Liverpool (in 96). We got to my room and dumped my stuff and then walked over to the union. I was sitting in a queue of very nervous looking fellow threshers when my dad barges in and tells me in a loud excited voice that I can get a pint of guinness and a curry for about ?3 (I had to get my bad habits from somewhere).

When it was time for them to go, I walked them to the car and said my goodbyes. My mum wouldn't let me stand and wave them off, she insisted that I just walk away (before she broke down in to floods of tears). I remember turning and walking towards my new block of halls, and feeling very very scared. I got to my room and put some music on, and within 5 minutes I had a knock on the door and met my new neighbours. We headed to the bar, and so it all began! Good times! (except for the girlfriend who I was with from the end of threshers week, all the way through uni... Oh the missed chances!).

[Coach Beth]

I kinda read this as you were looking for tips for you in dealing with missing your daughter?

I think it's totally natural you'd miss her for starters - you've obvisously have given her alot of love and support and here she is, ready to fly! Well done you! The downside is for you is that there is bound to be a feeling of loss - and maybe a loss of focus/structure to your life now? I'd say that it's good to honour and give those feelings a space - you could write a letter to your daughter (not neccessarily to give her now or at all) about how you are feeling. Then once you've done that, you could look at the opportunities that the situation presents for you (i.e. time to focus on new projects/ventures) and also the new 'gifts' avaiable to you in your changing relationship with her (i.e. what does it mean to be moving into a new phrase of your relationship).

Anyway, hope that is helpful and not too serious for this discussion!

[SteveT]

Skype is very useful if you would rather see your daughter when you phone, of course she would need her own computer and skype camera.

It does make a big difference to the household when one flees the nest.

The relationship between yourself and the remaining sprog becomes more strained somehow, and it feels more empty inside yourself, your sprog, and the house.

Borrow a pet for a while to fill some of the spaces.

[TillieTrotter]

Cheers for that guys, all advice welcome from both perspectives. My daughter just reading over my shoulder and found some advice hilarious.

[Mscrawthew]

Big Hugs for Mum >:D< Big pat on the back and a hearty "Well done" for the lovely Tillie Junior :)-D Tillie I know you are very proud and also must be a little bit sad, excited, scared, happy and lots of other things in varying degrees each and every hour of the day but you are such a fantastic Mum that I`m sure Tilly Junior is nothing short of very well prepared (tu)

P.S. I have a Daughter that you can borrow free of charge if you need a stand in ;-)

XXXXXXX

[TillieTrotter]

Thanks for that MsCrawthew and yes I am all those things! As for a substitute, does your one tidy up after herself? If so tell her there's a vacancy come October. xx

[Jah Lush]

Dear Tillie you must be very proud and rightfully so. I know you have a smashing daughter and you are a fabulous mother. Well done. I wish I could offer you some advice but I can't but well done to you and yours.

[Brendan]

Jah this is the first time someone has mentioned university and you have said something other than ?Bloody students!? ;-)

Tillie if I remember back to my student days (don?t laugh ?twas only 10 year ago you know) I was constantly so excited about experiencing new things and the world as a ?real? place opening up for me that I never had any time to be worried or scared.

You just need to be there to listen to the stories and notice how the perspective and intellectual interpretation changes over the next few years.

Well that and wire a bit of money through at the end of the month every now and then.

[SteveT]

Post an asda card with a few quid credit on it sometimes, so she can get cut price booze and possibly some fruit n veg. I assume there is an asda;-)

[Cassius]

I'm not sure if there is an Asda in Exeter - it's more a Sainsbury's sort of town to be honest!

[SteveT]

A sainsbugs card will work just as well, Cassius.