why having kids is the best thing ever

[Jah Lush]

They might repulse you now but just remember you were one once and you might change your mind if you meet someone and fall in love and he wants a baby or your clock starts ticking away and you decide that you do want one after all.

[neecheecat]

I've been married for 4 years and my husband doesn't want kids either. But why would someone have a kid because "he wants one" anyway?

[Jah Lush]

I agree and if your husband doesn't want one either you don't have a problem do you. By the way I haven't got any either but I would never rule it out.

[pk]

neecheecat Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I've been married for 4 years and my husband

> doesn't want kids either. But why would someone

> have a kid because "he wants one" anyway?

in some circumstances may be someone would 'have a kid because "he wants one"' because they love 'him', but i agree it sounds like it wouldn't be wise with your level of repulsion (which i find a bit weird)

[Moos]

sniggers at the concept of it being an 'evolutionary thing'.

Evolution works over thousands of years. You just have a phobia.

[capt_birdseye]

neecheecat Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I'm going to stick to cats. All babies look like

> Winston Churchill... but you's be hard pressed to

> find an un-cute kitten!

You'd also be hard pressed to find any baby-poo in your flower beds

[Azul]

I tend to like short girls, so I try to stay away from children

[indiepanda]

capt_birdseye Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> ...and Ratty's children will be paying for your

> state pension (unless they've been scrapped by

> then) :)

lol, with the ageing population making pensions for all unaffordable, what ever benefits are around by the time I retire I expect to be means tested, and I hope to have saved enough I wouldn't pass any means test.

Anyway, going back to whether having kids is the best thing ever, I read a psychology book called "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert and the research he did on this (it wasn't the only thing in the book) showed that people believed having children would make them happy before having them, and that once they had left home they remembered feeling it did make them happy.

However, when you actually asked people to report on how happy they were at various life stages when they were actually in them, marriage, pre children, with kids at home, after they had flown nest etc, what people actually reported was that happiness dipped from the levels experienced in early marriage on having their first child and didn't recover to the levels when first married till the last one left home. This was especially true of women as they generally took on more of the childcare. Women were reported to find looking after their children only slighly more pleasant than doing housework. (Which I like so much I pay someone else to do!)

The conclusion was that the erroneous belief "children bring happiness" was transmitted throughout society because without that belief society would cease to exist. If we all believed children would make us miserable, how long would it take before the population began to contract? (at least where contraception is readily available / not against religion to use)

I'm not saying he is right or wrong, but it did make me feel more comfortable about my apathy about ever being a parent!

[SteveT]

Kids improve the adults by knocking off some of their sharp edges.

[Brendan]

You could say that if people want to have kids to fulfil some kind of personal need for happiness they are kinda missing the point a bit.

[SeanMacGabhann]

At the weekend I witnessed over 2 days the negative side of having kids. For the sake of privacy I can't go into any detail but it sure didn't encourage me

Also at the weekend I was interested to read this

To have or not to have

To be fair, on Friday night I also saw the positive side of children when I witnessed TillieTrotter's amazing daughter sing at the Plough, just before starting Uni...

[TillieTrotter]

Bless you Sean. She is rather amazing I must concur.:))

[SteveT]

Brendan wrote:-

You could say that if people want to have kids to fulfil some kind of personal need for happiness they are kinda missing the point a bit.

Women have the urge to reproduce.

All men want to do is shag, which is their.... sorry OUR form of happiness.

[Brendan]

Sorry to get all Jimmy Page like with you all but;

I would say that you have kids to share happiness not gain happiness. If you?re out looking for happiness you probably won?t find it.

[Azul]

found out today that one of my best drinking mates is pregnant.

have now deleted her number, don't have any use for her anymore.

she is about to become another boring person

[Asset]

she's better off without you then

[indiepanda]

SteveT Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Women have the urge to reproduce.

>

>

> All men want to do is shag, which is their....

> sorry OUR form of happiness.

lol, not all women. Some of us definately have a stronger urge to shag than to reproduce.

hmmm, saying that isn't a good way of coming across as a nice girl is it?.. *blushes*

[indiepanda]

SeanMacGabhann Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> At the weekend I witnessed over 2 days the

> negative side of having kids. For the sake of

> privacy I can't go into any detail but it sure

> didn't encourage me

>

> Also at the weekend I was interested to read this

>

>

> To have or not to have

Interesting article Sean. I have to admit I would really disapprove of any woman setting out to have kids without agreeing with their partner first. I think kids have a right to at least a chance of being wanted by both parents. Sure there are no guarantees in life as to what happens down the line, but tricking someone into fatherhood seems a dreadful thing to do to both them and the child.

[VeryBerryCherry]

indiepanda Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> SteveT Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Women have the urge to reproduce.

> >

> >

> > All men want to do is shag, which is their....

> > sorry OUR form of happiness.

>

> lol, not all women. Some of us definately have a

> stronger urge to shag than to reproduce.

>

> hmmm, saying that isn't a good way of coming across as a nice girl is it?.. *blushes*

Would you feel any better if I said that I agree?:-$

...edit: Oops I didn't mean that to sound like you don't come across as a "nice" girl. You definitely do! :))

[Cassius]

I agree with Indiepanda - SOME in fact MOST women have the urge to reproduce - not all do, and luckily we live in a society where people don't have to have children in order to conform. I must admit to also finding the thought of pregnancy a bit 'iffy' (maybe I saw Alien at too young and vulnerable an age!!) but fully recognise that to most women it is a very happy experience. Hopefully there is room for all points of view.

[Asset]

I don't think we can dismiss the idea that also some men have the urge to reproduce.

[indiepanda]

VeryBerryCherry Wrote:

> Would you feel any better if I said that I agree?:-$

>

>

> ...edit: Oops I didn't mean that to sound like you don't come across as a "nice" girl. You definitely do! :))

Lol, don't worry, I read your comment like you meant it.

Asset, I agree with you comment about men and the urge to reproduce. Most men I know seem to want kids, and I know one guy at work who has upset one of my female friends by nagging her about when she is going to start a family as she isn't really keen but the way he talks about it, she ends up feeling bad for not wanting to.

Course, being a father isn't quite as demanding as being a mother *prepares herself for onslaught of abuse*.... Seriously though, I think in most families (not all I admit, but it is in the case of all my friends) the woman does end up with her life changing more and she takes on the majority of the childcare. Some guys I know really only see their kids on weekends.

[Keef]

You may be right, but I think that is, at least in part, simply because men don't have breasts (well moobs maybe, but not useful ones), so in the early stages mum is going to busy (assuming she wants to breast feed).

[Cassius]

It is also the woman who has to get pregnant and risk her life in childbirth!

[Keef]

Well of course it is, that's not really anyone's fault. What's your point though?