My God! I just watched the news! Apparently there's a recession on!

[*Bob*]

Gobsmacked.

[Jah Lush]

Good grief! I don't believe it. Who'd have thought it eh?

[Brendan]

Shit! Things seem to be going pretty well for me. Maybe I?m getting it all wrong. Patched trousers are in this season aren?t they?

[Jah Lush]

I hope so. I've got several pairs of jeans that need patching. Anyone any good a sewing?

[Ted Max]

If a patch isn't possible, cut them off at the thigh. This is known in the markets as "shorting".

But too many short positions, and the boys risk coming out of the barracks. This is known as a "negative yield".

[*Bob*]

The newsfolks are creaming their pants at the thought of easy news stories for the next year. Even if things start to get repetitive they can spice things up by, say, painting the set black - or by having the headlines delivered by a cackling witch stirring her brew.

If I hear another tediously pointless comparison with The Great Depression, I may have to smash the television (maybe not the good one - the spare one in the loft without a remote control)

[HonaloochieB]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> The newsfolks are creaming their pants...

No wonder their trousers are needing patches.

And I suppose they have to something at lunch time, now their expense accountts have been cut, what with there being a recession and all.

[Ted Max]

On the bright side, we can get back to the glory days of 1980s-style reporting of "jobs news", complete with round ups of jobs lost (35,000 jobs have gone in mobile call centres in Stoke) and jobs created (12 "hi tech" burger technicians in Bromsgrove).

All to be illustrated with crude silhouettes of queues of people outside Job Centres, lengthening and shortening as the tally is kept.

Also on the bright side. Although there is 24 hour Robert Peston. It could have been 24 hour Jeff "M&S" Randall.

[Brendan]

There's a recession on? Blimey!

Anyone got tickets?

[karter]

sorry to put a NEGATIVE SPIN on this but they can't confirm it's a recession until Q1 next year.... i believe....

[*Bob*]

Ted Max Wrote:

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> On the bright side, we can get back to the glory

> days of 1980s-style reporting..

Will they bring back 'Job Club', I wonder?

They could update and reprise the old TV campaign.. the one where an overweight man sporting a flat-top haircut and non-branded leisurewear is forced to attend the local labour exchange - in return for free stamps and occasional use of the Tandy TRS-80.

[bon3yard]

I love a good recession. especially the really colouful ones the Hispanics put on with those Pinatas and the leggy brunettes. Love a bit of glitter me.

[HonaloochieB]

karter Wrote:

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> sorry to put a NEGATIVE SPIN on this but they

> can't confirm it's a recession until Q1 next

> year....

As long as we don't end up in Q8.

Just trying to keep morale up in this time of strife and hardship.

They can raise prices and force feed us negative equity until our financial livers explode.

But they can't break our spirit. No, just our metaphorical livers.

[Brendan]

So they're going to confirm whether or not it is a recession on Qi next week?

[????]

I'm prepared to march from SE22 to Westminster to highlight the plight of the banker folk

[Brendan]

In this rain?

[*Bob*]

You're not 'thinking Enron' on this one, Brendan.

It's not 'rain', it's 'liquid sunshine'.

[Ant]

Doesn't look very facking bright from where I'm sat, dripping.

[AllforNun]

God it makes me laugh, Apparently house prices have dropped 50% ! They must think we are stupid or something maybe they will realise that this is not the 80's/90's things have changed as has the way most people have ring fenced themselves. South London was in such a undervalued hole anyway they are barking up the wrong tree this side of the river.

Buy up shares stack em high and buy em cheap thats what i say.

[Moos]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> You're not 'thinking Enron' on this one, Brendan.

>

> It's not 'rain', it's 'liquid sunshine'.

That's what's called a foot passenger disbenefit.

[Ant]

I thought passengers were all customers now?

[mockney piers]

Recession? Financial crisis?

Don't be daft, move along, nothing to see here.

 

[djfitz]

My hairline has been receding for years but you don't hear me banging on about it!

I'm practically bald all the way back to me arse now.

[AcedOut]

AllforNun Wrote:

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> God it makes me laugh, Apparently house prices

> have dropped 50% !

Are you sure you don't mean sales have dropped 50%?

[*Bob*]

The Beeb have gone and got themselves a fancy-pants new RECESSION graphic!

Here it is.. it's called 'The Downturn'.

Personally I would have put a sad face on it, or perhaps had the arrow plunging dramatically into a bucket of shit.. think they missed a trick there.

Today's scientific lunchtime snapshot of RECESSION BRITAIN including a man in Derby who reckoned it wouldn't be as bad a last time, some shoppers at a shopping centre who weren't changing their shopping habits, and Penzance - where all 108 of the population are really feeling the pinch.

More news as it happens - watch THIS SPACE