Funny things children say...

[Mick Mac]

I was doing some press ups in the bedroom a couple of years ago and my daughter came up and said innocently "what are you looking for daddy?".

Completeley true, obviously I was not getting a lot of height on the press ups.

[Tabitha]

Dauughter to Grandad - you're very old Grandad, you're going to die soon

Grandad - we all have to die some time

Daughter - it's alright though..............we've got another one !!!

[malleymoo]

We have a kitten and my then 8 year old got upset when i was talking about a trip to the vets. When i asked why she said " I dont want her neutralised!. I fell about laughing and then explained I thought she meant neutered.

sadly since this we have joked so much about iy when i rang the vets to arrange an appointment to get her spayed It was only after I put the phone down i realised i had accidently asked for her to be neutralised. oops

[HonaloochieB]

was abused and insulted by schoolkids on the bus

Posted by: poppylucky Today, 07:14AM

It was yesterday afternoon and i decided to take the number 436 from Camberwell to Peckham for a change of shopping experience, well i got more than i bargained for! i Boared the bus with my trolley and as it was around 3.30pm it was full of schoolkids. I asked one of them sitting downstairs if i could have the seat for the disabled as i had a trolley and a swollen ankle.

Well the little blighter turned and said to me 'no chance you old cow' , well i thought to myself charming! i'm in my early 30's but i guess thats old for a 11year old... i said to him that i had a good mind to clip him round his earhole for his abusive language, he retorted back ' try it and i'l have you for GBH you old bag'. Everyone on the bus just looked the other way as if it was normal behaviour. and his fellow schoolkids joined in the abuse. I told him i've never been insulted by a minor in all my life, he just shot back with 'if you don't shutup then i'll insult you even more'!.

I then marched up to the bus conductor and demanded the bus be stopped and the cheeky buggers kicked off for abusive language, i was traumatised by the whole episode. The bus conductor just told me to sit down and live with it and it was normal behaviour by the kids at this time of day!. Well i got off the bus next stop and walked (more like hobbled on my bad ankle) to Peckham and thought to myself that'll be the last time i get on that bus at that time again!.

Has anyone else had such bad altercations with unruly kids on the bus before?

[Mick Mac]

Watching the David Attenborough nature programme last night, David Attenborough mentioned the desert wild cats.

At which point my 6yo daughter shouted at the TV : "Wild Cats, Wild Cats, get your head in the game!"

Thats the chant from High School Musical for those who are not "in the know"...

[jaybee82]

While baking gingerbread men with my 4 year old nephew a few weeks back...

"Uncle James, do you think that if we burn the gingerbread men their faces will come out sad?"

[sophiesofa]

My colleagues 4 year old was taken for an eye test last week and when asked what colour the red car was she said blue. Her mum and the optician looked at eachother worryingly then said are you sure to which the child repplied "only joking". Brilliant

[KalamityKel]

Two brothers (one 8 the other fast approaching 6) over the youngest being a "liar"

eldest: "you're such a liar, you're always saying things and telling people you've done things that aren't true"

youngest: "I'm not a liar. It is true coz I dreamed it"

So sweet!

[Moos]

Two year old son and his little pal, both obsessed with heavy machinery, are unfortunately unable to pronounce 'truck' properly, and tend to replace the 'tr' sound with an 'f'.

It's nice to be greeted coming home from work by a toddler excitedly waving a toy and shrieking Dum'Fuck! Dum'Fuck!

[sophiesofa]

My sister when she was little somehow got chewing gum stuck to her eyelashes and eyelids and my dad scrubbed it off (nothing else worked) which resulted in a bit of a black eye. The next day at school the teacher asked her what happened to her eye and she said "daddy did it". My parents got a very interesting phonecall.

Same sister when my dad fainted because he cut his finger rang my mum up and said daddys collapsed on the floor then more or less hung up. She was a tinker that one.

[bigbadwolf]

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Two year old son and his little pal, both obsessed

> with heavy machinery, are unfortunately unable to

> pronounce 'truck' properly, and tend to replace

> the 'tr' sound with an 'f'.

>

> It's nice to be greeted coming home from work by a

> toddler excitedly waving a toy and shrieking

> Dum'@#$%&! Dum'@#$%&!

Sounds like he's destined for a promising career in the construction industry. I'll take him under my wing Moos, it'll put hairs on his chest if anything. I wont however be held accountable for his new filthy sense of humour or 'habits'.

[Moos]

Filthy sense of humour already in place (genetic), and he has a Bob the Builder hard hat, so yes he can start on Monday.

[anapau]

*Little sister(3) hits big sister (5)*

mum: why did you hit your sister?

Lil sis: For a moment mummy I forgot the true meaning of happiness.

[HonaloochieB]

The little ginger haired boy of about six this morning at a bus stop in Peckham.

He was with his mother and his younger brother in a pushchair, several attempts were made to get on buses but each one had two pushchairs alredy on board so they were unable to get on.

A 436 drew up and his motther sent him to look through the middle doors to check how many pushchairs were there.

On seeing the pushchair bay full yet again, he threw his school bag to the ground and through gritted teeth expleted "F@ck!ng bitch" this received the mildest of rebukes from his mother.

Perhaps I should be posting this one under 'Guilty Pleasures'.

[citizenED]

Maybe a sign of watching a little too much TV, but my 3 year old nephew came out with a classic when he'd been given some instructions by his mum, plainly din't understand so turned round and said "I'm so confused dot com"

[lozzyloz]

My 3 year old the other day. "Mum, can I have a ham sandwich? With ham in it."

[charliecharlie]

I was driving down the Seven Sisters Road, my 3 and half yr old nephew was in the back,

he's a total chatterbox, so I though he was a was asleep as he had been silent for sometime....

suddenly this voice piped up

"fcuking awful traffic"

clear as day and then silent again, think was he testing me out, so I just said

"mmm, it's not great..."

[Mick Mac]

my 4 year old daughter gets jealous if i cuddle my wife. Today she came into the bedroom and said "daddy - go back to your own pillow".

[Mick Mac]

Stop Daddy - all you talk about is boys stuff and football stuff and Irish stuff.

[Kells]

Mick Mac, you're lucky. I told my school that my dad had been castrated. My mum explained a vasectomy to me as like my dog having an operation so she couldn't have babies. Realising the difference between a female dog, and my dad, I logically told my classmates that my dad had been castrated. My mum thought it was odd a few weeks later when I came home from school and asked what a eunoch was.

Sorry dad......

[Mick Mac]

can i go on my bike mum.here you go darling.ahh thats not my bike thats a spider ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

(thats a funny thing i said)

katie

[Mick Mac]

why wood anybody be called ???? - THATS NOT A NAME IS IT.

BY

KATIE

[spark67]

went to visit one of my oldest friends and her family for sunday lunch a few weeks after my civil partnership ceremony, (she was one of the witnesses) My friends husband was joking about and said to their 7 year old son sam, "mummys burnt the potatoes again, she's rubbish, do you think i should go and get a new mummy", sam thought about this for a while and said in a matter of fact way " no daddy, i don't think so, you wont be able to get another mummy " dad was a little peeved and asked why, sam replied in a bored deadpan way " because there aren't any mummy's left, thats why uncle mark had to marry a man. :)

[Mick Mac]

Very good spark.:)

[nunheadmum]

When Chuggington first came to Cbeebies, my 3 year old loved singing the song 'F***ington, f***er, f***er, f***er, f***cking f***ington'. I'm sure she'd never heard the word in this house. (Honest guv!!)