The Ashes 2009

[Mick Mac]

Eh - what happened? I thought England were going to lose?

[ratty]

???? Wrote:

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> Fantastic - but still big underlying issues

Agreed, but a great job done. Build on this. Where is Sidebotham btw??

[Marmora Man]

A classic rearguard action - but I'm not betting on MOnty Panesar to be at Lords

[Keef]

I hope he is, he is still a quality bowler.

[matthew123]

What an excellent resistance by Collingwood and the England lower order. Each ball Monty faced was heart in the mouth time but somehow he blocked and shielded his wicket. It almost felt like a win and the Aussies will be gutted.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Surely, according to Brendan's theory, we need to keep Monty for the beard alone?

[Brendan]

See I told you they would bat out the day. Admittedly it was looking a bit touch and go but then Collingwood and Monty used their beards to stabilise the innings and force a draw.

Now there is the question of which, if any, spinner to play at Lords. Swan who doubles as a batsman but has bowled pretty averagely or Monty who has the best beard?

Keeping in mind that whichever one goes may be making room for Harmison who isn?t exactly known for his batting (although I do remember him making 49 not out against Seffrika once) but has a beard or Onions who has a funny name.

Or maybe they will go with and all seam attack which seems* possible.

I suspect that the selectors are probably not going to pay any attention to my post at all though and just play Swan and Onions, which sounds like something the queen may have for tea. You?re allowed to eat cricketers if you?re queen.

*geddit?

[Ted Max]

I reckon Broad and Monty will make way for Harmison and Onions - giving 4 seemly seamers and one spanner.

Broad picked up a niggle at Cardiff which partly explains why he was -5mph off his usual pace - time for him to drop out. Two spinners was a horses for courses approach and it didn't really pay off. Swann will clearly play ahead of Monty because with no Broad they need someone to bat 8 - and there's not much between them in any case.

[Brendan]

England?s official bottle carrier, glove replacer, drinks spiller, physiotherapist fetcher and general time waster has a very impressive beard. Bilal Shafayat is his name. I?m not sure what he does exactly but he has managed to annoy Ricky Ponting so his selection was obviously tactical.

Meanwhile some guy call Jonathan Agnew who apparently knows a thing or two has said this, ?England must play much better to win'.

Insightful Aggers, insightful.

[Brendan]

Anyone else notice that the voice in Ponting?s head can?t spell for toffee?

[Brendan]

Or it has a lisp.

Anyway onto Broad. That?s what you get for fielding fresh faced youngsters without whiskers. They spend their time out on the town trying to pick up niggles instead of concentrating on the game.

Admittedly I don?t know if a niggle is a broad or a type of monkey but it sounds unhygienic.

But that?s kids for you these days. He?s probably going to spend his time off blowing things up on his PlayBox or stabbing people for crack.

[Brendan]

And as for this time wasting business. Today on the Guardian?s weekly science pod cast they ask the question, do we really know what time is?

?What it time? Is it the uniform, steady flow envisaged by Newton that helps us follow our daily routines? A spooky, purely subjective feeling? A dimension of Einstein's space-time? Or simply the phenomenon that stops everything from happening all at once??

Chop that on your cistern and snort it Mr Ponting.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

I know for a fact that Mr Ponting has an Edwardian lavatory with a high cistern. Seeing that he is somewhat vertically challenged the above would be an amusing sight.

[Brendan]

Madam Gatecrasher I hereby appoint you official correspondent in charge of private information relating to Australian players? homes, lavatories and boudoirs* for the duration of this Ashes series as it is obviously an area in which you are knowledgeable and can speak with some authority.

In other sporting news,

Basically you get fifteen fellows all of whom have much of the proverbial ?brick shithouse? about them. The other side collects fifteen of similar. They then gather on a field in the middle of winter and have an eighty minute long, no holds barred, fight over a ball that is broken anyway.

That from my frontal lobes folks, although which of them was considering rewriting the Wikipedia entry for Rugby Union is anyones guess.

*Can men have boudoirs?

[Brendan]

Here?s the squad for Thursday: Andrew Strauss (capt), Alastair Cook, Ravi Bopara, Kevin Pietersen, Paul Collingwood, Matt Prior (wk), Andrew Flintoff, Stuart Broad, Graeme Swann, James Anderson, Monty Panesar, Graham Onions, Ian Bell, Steve Harmison.

Apparently Freddy has a sore knee so we may be seeing:

Andrew Strauss (capt), Alastair Cook, Ravi Bopara, Kevin Pietersen, Paul Collingwood, Matt Prior (wk), Graeme Swann, James Anderson, Graham Onions, Ian Bell, Steve Harmison.

Personally I?d drop Pietersen and bring in Rob Key just to teach him a bit of a lesson.

[Brendan]

You do realise that you?re having a cricket conversation with yourself again don?t you Brendan?

[Brendan]

You're even correcting your own spelling entirely for your own benefit.

[Ted Max]

I agree that if Flintoff doesn't make it they will probably play six batsmen (Belly at six!), then Priory and Swanny, Jimmy, and any two from Broady, Onionsy and Harmy.

[Brendan]

It is a bit disapointing about Flintoffee though.

[Marmora Man]

I'd normally vote for an unchanged team - seeing continuity as an advantage but it may be time to give Pieterson a rest and Flintoff a miss.

[Ted Max]

Seriously - Pieterson? He top-scored first innings did he not? And got out second dig trying to be all ultra-cautious, as a result of getting a battering for the shot he played in the first. Cook, Strauss and Bopara are more the issue at the moment, shirley?

Flintoff looks to be getting some form back with the bat, but they over-bowl him I think. I wouldn't drop him on form, though. Only as injury-management.

[Keef]

Flintoff should be dropped. He is a good powerful bowler, but nothing that can't be replaced, and his batting hasn't been special (not that anyone else in the team has been good either).

"Freddy" became a legend in 2005, and rightly so, but frankly, he's been living off it ever since. Would rather just have a team that you knew were going to be fit more often than not, and not have people having to make way for Flintoff whenever he decides his knee is up to it.

[Marmora Man]

I think too many think KP and FF will get the rest of the team out of trouble - time for everyone to contribute and have a team of all the talents not two stars with lesser constellations around them.

[Brendan]

I think Flintoffee has already come very close to losing his place in the team and knows that it is no longer guaranteed.

As for KPee his head is way too big but that?s his strength. I think all the effort that has been put into trying to humble him is what has sparked his slip in form. Clive Rice, who was instrumental in Pietersen?s early career, said that basically the guy feeds off his own ego. If you want him to perform feed his ego. The idea may not be to everyone?s tastes but that?s how it is. I don?t think the captaincy should have been taken away from him. Coaches are replaceable but truly inspired talent like KP only comes along once a generation and should be exploited regardless of how distasteful the person?s personality is.

He is still the best batter England has even in his current state of disillusionment. Like Ted said, Cook, Strauss and Bopara need to sort themselves out.

Having said that there is part of me what wants to see him taken out for a match like MM suggests to see if his absence will make the rest of them catch a bit of a wake up and bat how we all know they can.

[Sherwick]

Brendan, re. KP, completely agree.