When should I change my baby's nappy?

[Ted Max]

Before or after he does a poo? Been reading up on this but opinion seems divided.

[Ted Max]

He's been diagnosed privately as a gifted baby and I am trying to teach him to change his own nappy.

[Ted Max]

He's two months old so I think he understands, but is just being obstinate.

[LuLu Too]

Personally, I would adopt a non-interventionsist approach.

Leave your gifted baby alone with a nappy and let him problem solve.

Avoid being too pushy or over involved.

You wouldn't want him to grow up to hate you.

Would you?

[Moos]

I'd sit down and think about the obstinacy. What do you think he's trying to tell you?

[LuLu Too]

Alternatively, adopt the Continuum Concept method.

[Ted Max]

Moos, I wish I knew. I did an internet search and opinion seems to be that he is probably in need of some corrective manipulation.

LuLuToo, I know in this country parents are appallingly lax, but where I come from we make sure we are involved in our children's upbringing. It's not unusual for young people of six months to be able to bake their own bread rolls for breakfast. I was appalled when I came here to find most of the young people of this age are still slopping down the wallpaper paste that you call porridge.

[Moos]

Oh well, as long as you asked the internet - you'll be able to go to bed with the reassurance that you've received a balanced, informed and entirely nutjobfree response that you can rely on to help you raise your child.

And surely corrective manipulation is just posh for wiping his bottom?

[Ted Max]

I'm not going to bed until he's changed that nappy, Moos. I've explained to him that there will be no Baby Mozart Maths Relaxation CDs unless he first fills, and then changes, his nappy. I'm prepared to sit here until he obeys.

Corrective manipulation, as everyone where I come from knows, is the art of manipulating the nerves that pass through the kneecaps to affect brain signals. In this case I am going to enhance obedience by manipulating the left patella anti-clockwise.

[*Bob*]

Admin - Please move this to The Family Room.

[woofmarkthedog]

5

[Ted Max]

Woof - That will come later. At the moment I am allowing him to micturate unimpeded by the need to collect, refrigerate and then drink it.

My thinking is that I will gradually introduce urine into his diet from about 4 months - this is in accordance with the development of his upper molars, and will stimulate a healthy root canal growth.

[bigbadwolf]

Ted, I'm not a parent so feel free to shoot down my interjection in a ball of flames. Otherwise deflate your chest and take my adolescent wisdom on board.

"When should I change my baby's nappy?"

"Before or after he's done a poo?"

From a practical and pragmatic point of view I'd choose to un-wrap him post dump. This is merely because you can't always predict when your child is going to insulate their shite hammock. If however you and the childs mother are at a crossroads concerning a nappy changing routine then approach an adult who has been through the rigmorale of sniffing an infants arse every time the windows steam up.

"He's been diagnosed privately as a gifted baby and I'm trying to teach him to change his own nappy."

Although thought provoking, this statement can only be recieved in two ways.

1) You're a Guardian reading show off who's using his childs bewilderment as some sort of warped attempt at getting your child into one of those bizarre channel 4 productions that keep popping up all the time such as 'I'm in primary school and have breat implants.'

2) You genuinely want to challenge your childs mind. This is an honourable direction to take Ted and he may indeed go on to take his maths A-level or Baccalaureate in International relations at the age of 9 but all too often these rare successes of parental encouragement go on to become either international businessmen who wet the bed into their forties or media obbsessed X-factor fodder who end up doing hardcore porn well into their seventies.

The choice is yours Ted.

All the best.

[woofmarkthedog]

?

[Ted Max]

The choice is yours Ted.

Wolf, the choice will be the child's, as I have explained to him. Parents in my country give the young people options, and they are allowed to exercise their own free will in choosing the correct ones.

I seriously doubt this young person will be sitting formal exams such as you have described. This kind of education inculcates limited thinking, of a sort you have just amply demonstrated. He will be self-educated, once we have equipped him with the tools to do so.

Still no poo, btw.

[woofmarkthedog]

AND ?

[bigbadwolf]

A rather Cbebies response to such a Tomorrow's World dilema Woof.

[bigbadwolf]

Hmmmm...I'm encouraged by your logic Ted and I think I may have reached a logical conlusion to your son's resistance to traditional Old Country methods and practice.

May I suggest you try Electroconvulsive therapy.

[woofmarkthedog]

Erm....tum tee tum

[bigbadwolf]

You may also want to bind his feet so as he knows the consequences of failure.

[woofmarkthedog]

T-max

Normally you are erudite & Funny!

H

[bigbadwolf]

Each to their own Woof. As you were Ted.

[woofmarkthedog]

Foxie

SBlush

[Moos]

Am I the only one wondering whether Woof may be reading his own posts this morning and blushing?

[Keef]

I read this late last night, and really couldn't get my head around it. The world had gone mad!