Peckhamgatecrasher

"All those who can, stand for the paralympic anthem." Have they no respect for non-waterproof mascara?

Bloody cigarettes seem to go up 3 times a year minimum. Am I supporting the whole of the NHS on my own?

In the book I'm reading today: "...The lady came from the ancient Palaeologos family and could trace her forebears clean back to the tenth century, when they were highnesses of Byzantium. She wished her food to be properly cooked and demanded a high-class Roman cuisine requiring charcoal braziers instead of an open fire in the middle of the kitchen..." Fussy about food them paliowhatsits.

Surely the most effective way of keeping warm would be to derobe and snuggle up to share body heat? Strip smoking anyone?

Agree that blue bin needs emptying weekly. Brown and green bins would be okay fortnightly.

There is a rat on the mat, gifted by a cat by my backdoor.

Can't be bothered to start a new thread so I'll use this. Came across this today from WWII account of Preston Hurman (http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/ww2peopleswar/stories/32/a2057032.shtml?oo=41648141&askid=a79af40c-71bf-490e-b025-011f8989e87d-0-uk_gsb) A driving school HQ had been established in Dulwich in a large house called ?Bellair?. By coincidence, this was not far from the Croxted Road home of the Galitzine family, where I had stayed for several years. My job now was to teach the young recruits to drive. There was an old Austin Seven chassis for them to learn engine maintenance and dual-drive 30-hundredweight trucks for driving lessons. A hundred fully qualified RASC drivers passed out of the course every month. At camp, the major, the captain and the lieutenant had separate offices and were not particularly friendly with each other. One night I was very tired and, falling asleep on guard duty, failed to ensure that a guard was on the gate when the lieutenant came in. He roused me and ordered me to report to his office at 9am (for punishment). Half an hour later the captain came in and found me asleep again. I did not tell him that the lieutenant had already caught me and he too ordered me to report at 9am. Believe it or not, the major came in at midnight and it all happened again. So - three calls at 9am and grim punishment to contemplate. At eight forty-five the next morning I called at the lieutenant?s office and told him how awful it was: the captain had caught me as well. ?You are a fool? he thundered. ?I?ll let you off, as no doubt you?ll be for the high-jump when you see the captain, but don?t let it happen again?. Off I slipped to the captain and confessed that I had been caught later by the major. Much the same conversation ensued; he would let me off , as the major would no doubt punish me severely. Finally, I faced the major at nine o?clock and confessed that the captain had also caught me asleep on duty. Believe it or not I escaped punishment from all three. It?s unbelievable, but absolutely true.

I keep forgetting to buy black peppercorns. Life is so bland.

I have a hangover. I blame Moos.

"... if over 50, really no swear words are ever appropriate." I've never heard such *$&&$?+!

S? signore, sono cos? corretti!

Inspector Montalbano's back on Sunday. Unconfined joy.

The man has psychiatric issues but is completely harmless. Let him alone and he won't bother you.

I've run out of black peppercorns. I may have to kill myself.

Please don't banish me to an outer Paris ring. I quite like it where I am.

I tend to drive with my foot on the clutch.

Behind you! If you are worried, contact your local priest who will arrange for a blessing or if necessary an exorcism.

I recommend ?10 bootcut long leg in Sainsbury's. Best shape and fabric I've had in a long time. What shall I spend my ?270 on?

Oh. But let's look on the bright side, Brendan came to visit.

Do you know an upstanding member of the community who could write you a letter? I hate to suggest vicar after that opening sentence, but maybe a head teacher, JP, or doctor?

No scores count until the cricket season ends.

I've just worked out what 29 means: 88. That's very hot. I don't like hot, bring back the rain.

Sleep's overrated. How about asking your GP for a referral to a CBT therapist (is that a tautology?). Both problems could be tackled through that approach.

Call me cynical, but ain't this just a trippy-trappy bod?

Pictures needed H-M-B, definitely pictures.