waynetta
-
Posts
771 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Everything posted by waynetta
-
(?)(!)
-
Sod it...oen more for the road: :)) Cigarettes are a much cheaper and more widely available alternative to nicotine patches.
-
Phew....think I'd better take a break now and give everyone a rest. :)
-
Make sure she's still a stunner the next morning by hiding a bottle of vodka under your pillow, and drinking it before she wakes. Hey presto ! Breakfast with Cindy Crawford.
-
Paedophiles. Confuse the police during questioning by making suggestive remarks about old ladies.
-
Increase the size of your garden by moving the fence several feet into your neighbour's garden during the night.
-
Football managers. Force the opposition into committing foul after foul for dangerous high feet by fielding a team consisting entirely of dwarves.
-
Ladies. When invited out to dinner in a fashionable restaurant always bring a fire blanket with you in your bag. Nowadays it is the foolhardy fashion for waiters to set fire to the pudding, and there is always a risk that the blaze could get out of control.
-
Save pounds at Christmas by not sending cards or presents to elderly relatives whose marbles have probably gone anyway and who wouldn't know you from Adam.
-
I stand corrected HonaloochieB. Ah! Bisto
-
You'll never getta betta bitta butta on your slice.
-
Men. Avoid endless arguments with your wife about leaving the toilet seat down by simply p1ssing in the sink.
-
There's always the option of doing a runner. That way nobody has to pay.
-
Paul Daniels never actually sawed Debbie Mcghee in half.
-
Michael Caine didn't actually say 'Not a lot of people know that' in any of his films.
-
Promise to ring people at specific times, and then don't. They'll ring you to see what's wrong ,at which point you can have your original planned conversation at their expense.
-
You can still legally shoot a German soldier in the Isle of Man.
-
East Dulwich Forum users. Save yourself a lot of time and money by simply ringing a public call box and waiting for some sad b8stard to walk by with noting better to do than answer it.
-
Smell gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas.
-
Hitler only had one ball.
-
Warren Beatty is Shirley Maclaine's brother.
-
'Course you can Malcolm' Can't remember what ad this was from either. Pretty sure it wasn't a Diarrhoea ad.
-
'Relieve the pain of Diarrhoea'
-
At the end of the day Every footballer, every interview, at the end of every day.
-
A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play.