waynetta
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Posts
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Everything posted by waynetta
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JFK was assassinated by the driver of the car he was travelling in.
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Graffiti artists. Don't forget to take a can of brick-coloured Tippex in case you make a mistake.
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The Queen is the only person in the country who does not require a passport.
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Not as much as my friend saved on her wedding day when she and her dad jogged behind the Rolls Royce that was supposed to take her to the church.
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Blink alternatively with one eye and then the other whilst watching TV soaps. This way you'll never miss a second. If you add it all up you probably miss up to an hour of your favourite programmes each year due to normal blinking.
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Mel Blanc, who was the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
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By jogging to Croydon recently behind a taxi my friend and I were able to save ?12.50 on taxi fares.
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Oy Daizie..Please don't hijack my serious post with your Top Tips. If I wanted that done I'd have suggessted that Smokers enjoy seemingly longer holidays by stopping smoking on their first day off, making every day thereafter appear to be 72 hours long. Whoops there I go again....That's your fault that is.
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Thank you all for the advice. Bless you. I will be having a good look at some of the suggestions. Of course I could always pretend I?m enjoying a sunny beach holiday by putting sandpaper insoles in my slippers and walking around the house in my knickers, with all the lights turned on. Sorry..I think I?ve got some form of Top Tips tourettes. :-$
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Football fans with a lisp. Support Barcelona so you can shout for your team without sounding stupid.
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Toblerone out on it's own Triangular chocolate That's Toblerone Made from Triangular almonds from triangular trees and triangular honey from triangular bees and oh my confectioner please give me Toblerone And of course, as already mentioned, they are great as toast racks for Ritz crackers and bike racks for performing mice.
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Because I'm worth it.
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Top Tips.
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Stop German holiday makers hogging all the deckchairs this summer by getting them to sign an agreement promising not to. Then return to your hotel room and wave it in the air, saying "I have in my hand a piece of paper" Sorry...Not saboutaging my own genuine post. Just couldn't resist it. ;-)
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I'm Sarah Kennedy's body double when she's doing her early morning radio show.
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Anyone got any advice on the best kind of holiday for a single person to go on? My friend has pulled out of our forthcoming holiday leaving me with the choice of not going or travelling alone. I did want a beach holiday. I'm a single woman in her very late thirties.
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Cornflakes are my favourite. Not only are they tasty, but the box makes an ideal jelly mould if you require large rectangular blocks of jelly. Although they do have the disadvantage of not being waterproof.
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Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned on to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
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Fellas. Why waste money on expensive '0898' numbers. Just phone your local department store, tell them it's your wife's birthday, and ask them to describe their latest selection of ladies' lingerie (while you masturbate furiously)
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Attempt your own corrective laser surgery by removing the back of your CD player and then staring into it whilst it is switched on.
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Make people in the pub think you're a doctor by carrying a small leather bag and not laughing at the words 'penis', 'clitoris' or 'scrotum'.
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Cyclists. Always carry with you a tin bath and about four or five gallons of water in plastic containers. In the event of a flat tyre this will enable you to locate any punctures you may have.
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hahaha... That's nasty :)
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Pretend you've reached the 'Eliminator' stage on Gladiators by running the wrong way up an escalator in Marks & Spencers.
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Discourage burglars by wearing a Policeman's uniform and standing outside your house day and night.