waynetta
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Everything posted by waynetta
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Yes that's very true. Cardboard hats worn by McDonalds staff make ideal canoes for those motocycle mice when they go on holiday. And the plastic tea stirrers are perfect oars.
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Motorists. Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on your head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one-way streets.
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Toblerones are my favourites. Their delicious, but they also make ideal 'toast racks' for Ritz crackers.
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Poor people. Can't afford smoked salmon? Simply eat the rubber off an old table tennis bat.
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A herd of cattle make a common sense replacement for noisy lawn mowers. Since buying mine I no longer need to mow the lawn, and never have to worry about the milkman being late.
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Cat owners. Save money on expensive cat carriers. Simply tie your pet's tail to one of its back legs to make a handy carrying loop.
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Of course not Jah! Whatever made you think that? These are all genuine bits of helpful advice and useful handy tips which I sit and spend all day thinking up. I hope people find them useful. :)
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Fellas. Make you bird's tits look bigger by viewing them through a magnifying glass.
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Farmers. Rid your land of 'New Age Traveller's by burning down the village Post Office. If they can't cash their giros, they'll soon move on.
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Dulwich Baths - refurbishment timetable
waynetta replied to EDmummy's topic in General ED Issues / Gossip
I want to join a gym, but I want one that has a pool as well. The East Dulwich leisure centre is the nearest to me, but I'm just waiting until pool completion before I commit. -
I think you first have to ask the question, what exactly is living life to the full? This can mean different things to different people. To some people it may well be cramming in as many experiences as possible. To others it may simply be living a life of contemplative tranquility.
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Normal-sized Mars bars make ideal king-sized Mars bars for dwarfs, as well as fun-sized ones for giants.
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A good tip for you ladies who, like me, love your shoes. When shopping for shoes I always write my shoe size on a small piece of paper and tuck it into the top of my sock. This saves me having to remove one of my shoes every time I go into a shop. Don't all thank me for that one at once.
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I was an agony aunt with a difference. My advice used to have a kind of 'top tips' twist to it. Here's an example: I advised a guy who was suffering from terrible loneliness to convince his postman that he was more popular the he actually was by sending himself several hundred Christmas cards each year.
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Mountain bikers. Stop that irritating squeal from your brakes and reduce wear on them by oiling the rims of your wheels before taking on that tricky descent.
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Stuck for plates on your picnic? Simply remove your car wheel trims. Voila ! Ideal for sausage rolls and chicken breasts.
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Two buttered pieces of bread put together with a piece of cheese in the middle makes an exciting lunchtime snack. This tasty treat is now a regular in my household. My flatmate Jean calls it 'Waynetta's Cheese and bread snack'
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Was anyone following my top tip carrying their pints in their pockets?
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Take a roll of clingfilm to the pub. When it's your round, use it to cover the tops of the drinks, then carry them back from the bar in your pockets.
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Apologies but I've deleted this post as I have been made aware this thread has been done before. I would positively hate to be accused of plagiarism. :)
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Pop a few tea-bags into your hot water tank and you can make a hot cuppa anytime by simply turning on the hot tap.
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Cats can be very costly in food and vet's bills. Save a fortune by simply not having a cat, and slashing your own furniture with a stanley knife.
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Do You Know Anyone Who Has Been Mugged Recently?
waynetta replied to gerry's topic in General ED Issues / Gossip
Avoid being mugged in the street by walking behind a policeman, moving your lips and gesturing as if you are engaged in friendly conversation with him. If he turns round, simply look confused and ask him for directions to a nearby street. -
Vorsprung durch technik
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Heroin. :(