waynetta
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Posts
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Everything posted by waynetta
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Always carry a tin of red paint in the boot of your car. That way if you come across an accident scene you can pretend to have been "involved"
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/smackmart.jpg
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Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
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At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.
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Fair enough Daizie. Putting them on a computer screen probably doesn't do them justice anyway. They are both very beautiful though. The second one is by Picasso.
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Save petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers by will think you've broken down and help.
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Well let me educate you. Here's another painting. Does it look like the other one I posted? http://www.ideachampions.com/weblogs/picasso-the_dream-surrelism1.jpg
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Run up blind peoples electricity bills by turning on all their lights when their guide dog is not looking.
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/GAMBLING_HOBBY.jpg
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Look at the detail. Especially in the blanket that is draped over the side of the boat. And the expression on the girl's face. It's like a photograph, yet it was painted in the 18th century. The attention to detail and the technical skill required to paint it is amazing.
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I went to the Tate Britain gallery today and saw the most beautiful paintings by Turner and William Blake. I was actually speechless for most of the trip looking at all the beautiful, powerful works of art. I think the 'Lady of Shallot' by John William Waterhouse is one of the most awe inspiring paintings I have ever seen. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/83/JWW_TheLadyOfShallot_1888.jpg
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What came first? The chicken or the egg?
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The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/goosestep_master.jpg
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EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/be_a_plumber.jpg
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/stairbathamatic.jpg
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/busmans_holiday.jpg
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TOWN COUNCILS: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind folk with pointy sticks
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If you feed a Seagull Alka Seltzer it's stomach will explode.
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A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
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Nice returned backhand volley Nervous about your visit to the dentist? Simply have 6 to 8 pints in the pub before your appointment.
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I asked a simple question.I have not implied anything.
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It's like were playing top tip tennis daizie and here's an ace fatties. Save money on expensive gloves this winter by simply inserting your hands in between your rolls of flab when they get cold.
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Help the police by popping into your local mortuary every day to see if you can identify any bodies