cuppa tea

Oh dear - I've been putting son.2 in son.1's first shoes..so I am thinking this is a really bad idea right?! To be honest mostly he's not in shoes though. We have some great rubber soled socks from JoJo Maman Bebe. My eldest has worn them out many a time. And to nursery.

Hmmmm, so it's dubious how helpful deferring really is then. Interesting though.

???? Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I'll find out the details for you...I'm still > dealing with the concept :)) Brilliant! I think you need to get with the program ????. It's what he want to do. And if he is disuaded from continuing (and i REALLY hope not), then all the balance, control and poise will definitely help him with football ;)

So they would go back into their year to fit their age group? Can they go into the year below and you re-apply for a school place? I am guessing they would consider this to be sort of an unfair advantage? But presumably if you can defer until the term after your child's 5th birthday, then those born in August would start the following September? Am I making any sense at all?!!

Great! No more soaking for me!! :))

So does the Bio-D stuff damage the nappies Molly? Mine seem fine, but I have to say I don't usually soak them - only occasionally. Would be very happy to not soak them...it's a bit of a pain in the bum!

I know that you are able to defer a school place until the term after the child is 5, but does anyone know if you can put them back a year from the beginning, so they start a whole year later? I am assuming not. Also would be interested to hear if anyone has deferred a place and how it worked out.

Yes it's a minefield this discussion. The OP was only talking about 1 day at home a week. I can understand that. A four year old is not going to miss out by staying home 1 day a week. I suppose it depends on where your viewpoint is, like you say. I think that kids learn a lot more on a 1 to 1, rather than in a class of 30 kids per 1 teacher and a couple of class room assistants. 4 years just seems really young to me. My son is socially not ready for it. Who is he going to learn these things from?....other 4 year olds who are also socially not very adept? I am sure your home is lovely. I didn't mean to imply a criticism. It's just that you can make your home as equally as stimulating as a classroom, with the benefit of the kids having total freedom. Any 'freedom' in a classroom, is unfortunately an illusion.

You can buy an eco alternative...so I guess better for babies skin, called Bio-D. I think you can get it from Health Matters and you used to be able to get it from the chemist (now Lloyds) on North Cross Road. They may still do it. I've also found that Borax is a great cheaper eco alternative...from AJ Farmers on Lordship Lane. Or white vinegar in with the soak.

"I would think very carefully about depriving my child of all that, plus the new friendships that they will make." I don't think I would really consider a child spending time at home as 'depriving' them. It depends what it's like at home...

You can put the baby on your back as long as his head supported and not still wobbly. Solves the problem of them arching backwards. I put both mine on my back at 3 months and it's so much easier. Should stop the legs bashing thighs problem too. The best position for the baby to be in is with his knees above his hips and bottom sunk down in a 'seat' and his back rounded. This should also mean that his legs aren't dangling as they are straddled. The better slings put the baby in this position automatically. I would try out a sling meet, as they are quite active in this area and you can try out lots of types before buying and get plenty of advice. Personally I like wrap slings for little ones and their position is super comfy and there is no way they can fall out...unless they're not wrapped correctly or course. Bit of a learning curve with them, but they fit all shapes and sizes perfectly. HOpe I'm making sense - in a bit of a rush. Lots of into on You Tube about slings too.

Very true GinaG3. How ridiculous really. Found my son breastfeeding a doll at a toddler group recently. It was a very proud moment for me, but he didn't need a special doll to do it....you don't even get that at the breastfeeding workshop!! Just a way of making money unfortunately.

KattyKit Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Saffron I agree! We co-slept last night and it > was the best nights sleep I have had in five > months. > > My husband has had to give in as like you I was me > getting up a million times and I really couldn't > carry on. I told him (as cuppa tea) just because > he is coming into our bed now it doesn't mean he > will still be there when he is five. > X Glad you got some sleep :) You just got to do whatever you can to make life easier for yourself. Especially with a 1st baby. At the end of the day, i am guessing it's you getting up to attend to the baby rather than you husband.

This is an article you may find interesting http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/schools/best-of-both-worlds-the-new-trend-of-flexischooling-1976414.html I would say it depends on the school as to whether it's possible or not. I've not looked into it fully though. I am considering deferring my son's place until he's 5, as he just seems so young for school...especially compared to some of the girls. Also considering home-educating for a year or two, but it's scaring me a bit!

Yes, sounds like seperation anxiety. I think they suddenly remember that you have left them, when you come back in the room and get a bit panicked that you could leave them. Moos: "You'll probably also find your small acts up and starts being naughty (when a bit older) when you come home from work, even though your child cared will assure you he's had a great day.... it's a special present just for Mummy. I tried to think of it as a sign of love... (sigh). Sorry. But forewarned is forearmed, I guess." My 4 yr old still does this when I pick him up from nursery and he's only been there a couple of hours on a morning. I just read his nursery final report and it is a of different child!! Can't wait for the behaviour on picking him up from a full day at school!

redjam Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Gosh, I now feel like a very permissive parent in > that my (just) four-year-old goes to bed at 7.30 > and my six-year-old goes at 8pm, often slipping up > to fifteen minutes if my day's going to hell in a > handbasket (which it often is). I thought I was > quite strict! But then we're all relatively late > risers, so I'd rather have an extra fifteen minute > lie-in in the morning any day of the week... Don't worry, my 4 year old's been going to bed at around 9.30, last night 10!!!! Not quite sure how this has happened, but in some ways it works quite well - no battles at bedtime, which were taking up to 2 hours out of an evening at night with us going up and down the stairs and him bouncing around on his bed. Very stressful. He's up at 8.30 though, so there is a benefit. Needless to say I am not that strict! Will have to sort it out before school in September though.....gulp!

Yes really lovely! will keep re-reading to remind myself. Hope it doesn't take 4 kids to be as enlightened in toddlers....not sure i will make it that far!

KattyKit Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > The last couple of nights we have started to > co-sleep but my husband isn't keen for it to > become a permanent thing although I am and I think > it does solve our problem somewhat. Does it > become difficult to move them back to their own > cot once you start to co-sleep? Nothing is permanent! You can always change you mind, change tactics and move in a completely different direction - fortunately kids are more adaptable than adults. It isn't hard to get them back to their own beds...or at least it's no harder than trying to do it now anyway. It's not going to make it worse because they have slept in your bed...I think that's a myth. Possibly that might be true of an older child, say 4 year old, but not a baby. My eldest moved back to his own bed at about 18 months I think. We did consciously wean him at night at the same age and he was angry about it, but he was cuddled and didn't cry alone. This time around I haven't bothered with any kind of night weaning. But then I have a more placid child. Like Moos's experience, my eldest wanted to hang off my boob all night and it is hard work when they do that. It's not happened the second time round, so I guess it depends on the nature of your child as to how do do things.

Moos Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > This is probably massive overkill and way too much > work but I know a little girl who has a superhero > cloak with her initial embroidered on it. Would > it be possible to buy a cloak and stitch one on > out of felt? > > (though even as I'm typing I'm thinking Crikey, > what a hassle...) You can get someone else to do a cape with personalised initial on Etsy and it doesn't cost much....though may be sent from the U.S depending on who you buy it from I guess. They look pretty cool!

Crikey, that's very specific! I am lucky to get any clothes on my kids at all, let alone fancy dress! Personally i would blow it and let you little one dress up in a theme of her own. I don't think people usually mind.

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > I promise you will miss those night time moments > as you nod sleepily over that little bobbing > head... you will miss it with a fierce yearning. I > miss it already and mine is only 7m! I feel like this. My youngest is 17 months. It does go so quickly. I can remember how painful I found it with my first child though. You think you are going to die from sleep deprivation it feels so awful! This time round I am loving it all, even being woken. It's just me and the baby. Special time. There's not much time like that to be had these days. It doesn't feel such a big deal because I know how quickly it passes and they will one day sleep all night, every night. It's helped that noone has asked me what my nights are like this time round. With my first baby it was constant and obsessive - used to drive me crazy!!! Just another reason why I am not focused on sleep as much.

Alternatively, there is the idea that babies wake every 45 minutes to check where you are. I have found this with both mine and they have gone through phases of waking very frequently from the cot during the first 'shift' when I have put them down on their own. At 10.30, (my bedtime) we co-sleep and they don't wake after that, or perhaps once or twice initially, but not as frequently. i think when they have been able to feel my body and breathing etc, they just felt more secure in sleeping for longer. It depends on where your viewpoint/lifestyle choices are. I found co-sleeping resolved sleep deprivation issues for me, but I know for some families it doesn't work for them.

zeban Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I know. My Mum pinched me once and left a mark on > my arm. She's even put a bowl of porridge on top > of my sisters head because she was so frustrated > that she hadn't eaten it, played with it, and let > it go cold and then complained it was cold. But > she never psychologically played with our > emotions. We always knew we were loved and we > always knew what was right from wrong. > > So no, I didn't say I would never smack a child. > But I'd never mess around with their emotions and > do what I can not to damage them long term. And > that I'll stick to. > > You can decide yourself if you're emotionally > ready to have children. The problem is some people > don't even think about this. The problem is the people who are least emotionally ready to have kids are the ones who are least likely to realise this! 'Messing around with people's emotions'? Have you ever accidentally hurt someone's feelings? I am guessing yes, even if they haven't brought it to your attention. It's human nature, unfortunately. The key is to learn when you are wrong and how to apologise, even to your children....especially to your children!

helena handbasket Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Wow. So how does one judge a person's emotional > capacity to have children? > > And who are the righteous people amongst us who > decide that? > I can remember thinking, pre-kids, "how can anyone smack their children, that's hideous/awful/unforgivable". It's only until I had them myself that I understand how people get to that point. I've not done it, but I can now comprehend it. You sometimes get pushed beyond all reasonable limits. So that's a good lesson for me; to be less judgemental, less self-righteous...it took having children to do it though. For me at least.

"I once had a professor who told us that if we believe any psychological theory as absolute than we should re-think our ability to objectively assess." The problem with this theory, translated over to parenting, is that doubting and questioning your 'methods' as a parent is a very painful and sometimes crippling process. But then we have to just get on with looking after our kids, there is no alternative!