KalamityKel

Bag

Not a particularly wonderful job done blurring number plates... okish on streets but drives you can even make out tax discs (ok I speak from one particular address). Not quite sure what the "report concern" button does... "does my bum look big in this?" *sighs*

Why We Like The British - FROM BRITISH NEWSPAPERS 1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.' (The Daily Telegraph) 2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting a whole salami. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News) 3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian) 4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable width='100%' teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'. (The Times) 5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express) 6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. 'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'' ( Bournemouth Evening Echo) A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers... 1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.' 2) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.' 3) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.' 4) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.' 5) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided.' 6) 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause .) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home.....' 7) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.' 8) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.' 9) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?' 10) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and (the rest is censored!)' 11) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.'

oh oh oh! Soz couldn't help myself!

Toes

Shrug

Jelly (jam) and peanut butter sandwiches

if i had i wouldve bloomin well smacked ya up wiv me brolly. Shame on u 4 such a reckless act *tut tuts*

bigbadwolf Wrote: > > On alighting the bus at the end of the line the > driver will be looking in his mirror to make sure > all the passengers leave the bus. This will give > you ample opportunity to creep up to his right > hand window and deposit a small stink bomb. When I > was at school we had a partially sighted kid who > would take ages counting out his fare. The bus > driver would often make fun of him so me and my > partners in crime lobbed a firework into his cab > to keep him company. > > Good luck. Hardly amusing wolfie.

I don't think its that that lowers the tone... *shuts up b4 saying something she shouldn't*

Its all ok panic over! Somerfield have apologised to a customer for having cloned their card (according to the SouthLondonPress) and are working closely with the police to get to the bottom of it. Thank goodness for all that! *sighs of relief*

TP18 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Am I the only one on this thing who is under 30? Dont mention that figure! Still some years 2 go and my study on the 30 something age group is not so positive :p

Dont know if Skeptics.org has been suggested, referenced, looked into and then thrown out as more "rubbish" by both sides of the argument? I always thought that Homeopathy, correct me if I'm wrong monica, is supposed to work alongside existing treatment or help those wishing to find an alternative but not a complete replacement for medicial needs. How many who disregard methods practised have actually experienced any of it and with an open mind? Should we disregard hypnotherapy too? Same ideas of suggestion...

Oh to be a super hereo! ::o

Piglet defamation of character is a serious matter especially when hearsay based on no factuality whatsoever only opinion.

Now admin surely the above comment is getting a little near the mark...

Ted Re the word "pompous"

Has the item in question been located yet?

Having had a brief encounter (no rude thoughts plz!) with a man from the European Union (who was very pompous and quite yuk) I think I may say that Mr Fry is a kool dude... just 'coz :)-D

Hope not. Would make work interesting :p

Multi?

block

See now this gets confusing? You're now pretending? Sheesh make ya mind up man! I respect Mr Fry. I would never claim to be in awe tho no. As I would never claim to be in awe of anyone else (except superman and maybe dangermouse!)

okies I shall rephrase - are you truly a fan of the fryster or just taking the mick like?

*frowns*