KalamityKel

Where exactly are all these "jobs" going to come from?

I really don't get what the big deal is :-| Nuffink else to say on the matter...

The following are regrettably phrased classified ads that have been placed in newspapers throughout the world. o "Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel." o "2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess." o "Washing machine: free to good home." o "No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent." o "Great Dames for sale." o "Lost Cocktail." o "Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 yeards old. Hateful little dog." o "German Shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free." o "Free ducks. You catch." o "1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer" o "Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed." o "Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days." o "2 wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15" o "For sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) - $50" o "Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks" o "Hummels - largest selection ever. 'If it's in stock, we have it!'" o "Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents lb." o "Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour." o "Vacation Special: have your home exterminated." o "Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours." o "Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - Free Sample!" o "Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast." o "Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it." o "This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens." o "Wanted. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers." o "Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop." o "Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person." o "Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential." o "Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty." o "Mother's helper -- peasant working conditions." o "Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months." o "A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms." o "Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00." o "Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required." o "His and hers bicycles, $25 each or both for $55." o "For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers." o "Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too." o "Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory." o "We'll move you worldwide throughout the country." o "We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand." o "Tattoos done while you wait." o "Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it." o "Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children." o "If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachaise Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin." o "Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else." o "Stock up and save. Limit: one." o "For Rent: 6-room hated apartment." o "Wanted to buy: fishing net, must have no holes." o "TO LET: 4 bedroom house close to town. No poets." o "This house has been fully insulted." o "Man, honest. Will take anything." o "Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!" o "Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink." o "3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred." o "Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included." o "Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops." o "Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again." o "Illiterate? Write today for free help." o "Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary." o "Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating." o "Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale." o "And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience." o "We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00."

work

Awww thanks guys... still not quite sure if I'm happy about it all yet... time will tell I guess :-|

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, 'Stuff the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!' Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Billy says, ' Wimbledon .' A woman standing nude in front of a mirror, says to her husband, 'I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

Overalls DM darling overalls ;-)

Try looking at me rather than my chest :p *looks around for a towel and clean top*

*looks up at JJF as the remains spill all down chin and top* Oooh I look soooo attractive now! ::o

Sadly not Keef. Things changed this year wiv the application rules combined with poor and bad management... *sighs* I wonder how many are expected to attend this year...

I'm disappointed not to b taking part this year :( shall have to check out the Jazz band instead...

New Laptop? hmmmm *Join JJF in the cocopop experience* darn this beats popping t'corner shop for lunch!

*saunters into room wondering wot on earth's been going on...* Boobs and six packs? *flicks HBs nipple ring telling him not to be so silly* *offers MP a polo or two* *wonders whether gin and shreddies are a good combination...*

broken

I had tipped 'em off u lot were attending ;-) no male waiters in saris then? darn I tried!

*points to the bar and politely tells Will to GET THEIR OWN DARN DRINK!* (6)

Someone remove the sheep b4 it ends up as lamb chops this eve (6) *KalamityKel is NOT in a happy place* *glances at the "stronger" types of alcohol*

pip

Pie

Sausage

*opens windows to air room* I hope u haven't wiped ya greesy hands on the rug Moos WONT be pleased!

Oh and don't get too close to any "body guards" they carry guns ya know ;-) *thinks back to time of collision with a female special agent and shudders*

I'm sure the expression was the same tho MP :p

I've met Anne before she's lovely and has an amazing sense of humour altho I must say her legs are really skinny (I was sitting down with her next to me so I couldnt help notice those). Princess Micheal too is nice and friendly. Takes time to chat to all Met Charles and Camilla too... hmmm not much to comment on there except Charles is much smaller than one would expect. The whole cursteying thing... u can get away wiv a wobbly inclination and broad smile. They don't really care for such things ;-)

To be fair Laptops aren't designed to last forever. 2yrs is good going if you use it a lot. I know that's not much help but I sense the end of it's life is soon approaching. I had my laptop for prob around 4yrs... after 2 yrs things started to fail - the speakers, internal modem, ports for phone lines, the fan wouldnt function properly causing it to overheat and shut down after around 20mins usage, battery wouldnt last and the power cable would over heat too... the final being the screen dying :( I was heart broken!