dulwichmum

Yes, he will PM you and then toss you aside like an old sock...

Pops into the bathroom and runs CitizenED a Radox bath. Thinks to self "that looks painful"

Is it the view in between the roof tiles that my au pair sees each night as she sleeps over the garage?

In the name of God! Keef dear heart... what are you trying to imply?

Oh dear Sweet Batdog, What war? Where? DM

Thank you boys, you know how I love a private message! DM

No sweet CitizenED - on the mat! I was almost hospitalised for cramp I seem to remember.

Why did you have to mention Starbucks - I can almost smell it now ... Soon it will return to Saino's - hurrah! We could use the community grant to celebrate the re-opening of Starbucks!

Thinks to self "Ok CitizenEd, The last time we played twister I jumped on the mat first and no-one suggested a move for 24 hours. I was almost crippled." Sits down in big comfy armchair, waits for the game to begin...

Darling Michael - perhaps I was a bit harsh, I just feel she has been taken advantage enough. And then you mentioned your sticky bed clothes...

I apologise Mr MacGabhann, Please don't tell me ma...

Shame on you! And it is you all along who got her in the family way - you beast!!!

You dirty b******* - I am horrified. That's it. James shall order the company private jet - forget about her. Ana has left Dulwich as far as you are concerned...

I don't drink Blue Nun dear man, Liebfraumilch is just not my thing... Please be kind?

Look at you lot - you are all so cosmopolitan and free as a great flock of birds... I have been surrounded by vomiting children and au pairs, taking great loads of duvets to the laundrette.

Mr Papadopalopagus, You should wash your own smalls and do your own ironing. How very dare you? Do you seriously expect your wife to do your laundry? You are behaving like a barbarian. Why do you think God invented help?GET YOUR OWN! You have defiled mine! (or she is on a flight home to Lithuania at the weekend with your sproglet in utero)

Sorry Michael, I couldn't touch red, but you know in my heart I am supporting you. Red gives me a dreadful head the next morning, and it stains my teeth...

I am so sorry again Michael, I couldn't possibly drink red wine, it stains my expensive veneers! Recommend me a white forthwith, and I shall take pleasure in destroying my liver with it in your name...

No they haven't. I think it is very poor of them if you ask me, but it will not stop me from filling up my aluminium cup on the very first morning they open...

Poor, poor Michael! I shall buy a bottle of the white tomorrow, and poison my liver in your name dear heart. I gave it up for the children - just tell them ...their mother... I loved them. Friends? Well you can choose your friends, God just dishes you out your children, you don't get to choose them. Michael, just tell them I looked great in white jeans, and I tried my best - (sob)... I shall dig my old corscrew out of the back of the knife drawer, and blow the dust off it just for you...

OHMYGOD, I am so very sorry Michael dear one. It was nothing personal - I absolutely promise. I got very drunk two Thursdays ago and haven't touched a drop since. I am "on the wagon" - I really am afraid I am becoming far too fond of a tipple. If I had known that no-one was joining in lovely man, I would have broken my abstenance just for you - I am so very sorry. I shall go and buy the white you recommend tomorrow after work and post my comments. Yes I may turn jaundiced and die young leaving my children orphans, but never let it be said that Dulwichmum did not stand by her chums. DM

I am indeed darling Jeremy, I think they should have a re-launch party. I am counting down the days...

Why are you sulking dear heart? You are the one who said right here on this forum - how very friendly you became with Ana! She was young and impressionable, and then you had the cheek to cast doubt on her good character - simply because she was indeed "friendly". Shame on you, taking advantage of this simple young girl... A hundred quid and a case of Saint Veran and the deal is done?

Oh Sean darling! I lived in East Ham for 30 seconds once, then I realised that there I would remain unless I went to university as my mother advised... And hey presto! A BSc and masters degree later and here I am virtually owning West Dulwich! Yes I could buy litres of natural yoghurt for 50 pence (sterling) and purchase a dozen green peppers and a bunch of fresh coriander for a pound, but East Ham just was never going to host a branch of Starbucks or sell organic veg - was it? Isn't Dulwich simply perfect? Are you as drunk as me???

My offer??? Shame on you! She is a very attractive young lady. Count yourself lucky to be in negotiations at all. Be careful Mr Proctologist or you could find your son and heir being raised in a Lithuanian hamlet - only to seek you out and expose you on an episode of Jerry Springer some time in the future!