dulwichmum

Walks in wearing strange space suit thingy and holding a Starbucks Vente latte. Announces loudly - "the fumigators are spraying out the room - those feathers are sure to be full of fleas"... Sits in special arm chair. Bangs aluminium cup thingy off mask of special space suit in a vein effort to drink. Thinks "Rats" to self, marches out to get a straw. Passes fumigators in door way...

Dear Templeton, I would not have been so surprised to find Welsh speakers in Wales, but this was not that far outside Cardiff, where the kids are taught Welsh in the schools, because everyone seems to speak English. I am sorry to say Mogs, it felt like simple "don't speak to the outsider" hostility. I just love that expression "Taffia" I shall use it always... Thanks.

I am not trying to be antagonistic in any way, but I spent about six weeks in Wales last year, and they do not say hello to anyone they do not know where I was. They knew me, my name and everything - it is a small village and they know my husband because he was born and bred there, but they spoke Welsh in my company and behaved as though I was not there. I felt like a complete fish out of water. It was dreadful, they were a most unfriendly rude lot. I was overjoyed to return to Dulwich - my home of twenty years, and to see familiar friendly faces everywhere. People in Sainos, in the dry cleaners on Lordship Lane, the library and the coffee shops all say hi and are generally warm and welcoming. I think it is a great idea for us all to say hello, but I feel Dulwich is generally a happy welcoming place to be already.

Terrific idea. I shall be trying it too. DM

OHMYGOD YES! DM

Indeed, all of you detractors regarding the value of this wedding dress - have any of you spent a fortune on photographic accessories for example? Haven't some of you got some very pricey lenses? Well boys, they are for taking photos of us girls in our expensive threads, and don't you forget it! DM

Yes fair enough Mockney - The Vale - mmm, and I shall only go to The Castle if I would like to get murdered...

Louisa sweetie, Well, now that you have talked about your pet (ahem...) in such glowing terms, I shall just pop down Lordship Lane and get one myself! Any good er... pet shops in the environs? DM Lovely Tillie, I am dreadful, I know...

Dear Monica, Don't you think Mr Batdog sounds terribly mysterious? DM

Thanks CitizenEd for the handcream. Observes from window as Ana tosses the last of the owl corpses onto skip outside in yard. Summons cats who hop bag into handbag with Batdog. Thinks to self - time for a latte...

Louisa Sweetie, "Ermm actually not just the castle, in fact for those of us who were around here pre 2000 (probably just me currently) the now apparantly trendy EDT also used to have live Irish music because it was an Irish pub, and even knew the guy who played sunday afternoons in there!" If you read what people say on the forum you would see that people like Keef are actually from East Dulwich, as are IvemetJimmy, and Mr Piers, Sean MacGabhann, JahLush et al, have lived here for an age. I myself moved to East Dulwich in 1988. Have you ever considered a rabbit? Pets really can have a very soothing influence on the temprament (don't forget the batteries)... DM

Thats my boy! Ana - plug in the vacuum cleaner!

It puts everything into perspective I think. DM

Reaches into handbag, takes out enormous persian kitties - Beluga and Krug. Whispers - "Go get them boys", texts Ana to bring vacuum cleaner and Mr Sheen... Lets clean this place up!

Tom is not a lazy journalist! Indeed, I hear he is very athletic! He is a super lovely man and responds very well to threats of legal action having originally besmirched our names with an article on dogging...

Smiles at Mr MacGabhann, selects a chocolate from his stash. Plants grateful kiss on his nose. DM

Walks into quiet room slowly feeling glum. Sits in favourite cushie chair by window looking wistful. Fears am turning into character from blog - am so immersed in solitary book writing (children visiting grandparents with lovely husband). Takes pipe and pouch of coarse loose tobacco from bag, thinks to self - Oh how I love a nice shag! Smiles at CitizenEd, thinks to self - I shall have a couple of bottles of Newcie Brown - that'll set me straight. Scowls when notices hard skin on hands. Building sure takes its toll on the body...

Yes Nero, I am really starting to think we have a local paper! DM

Rockbank Hotel was actually a dreadful "hotel" (hostel)in the 1990's where unfortunate families were housed by Southwark council awaiting rehousing. There were families (many refugees who had experience of torture I seem to remember) with young children and babies accommodated in small rooms with no cooking facilities and inadequate heating, who were required to vacate their room all day and only allowed to return each night to sleep. It was completely barbaric. If it is closed now that is the best news. It was a dreadful hole of a place. DM

Sorry Mr Road, I cannot drop you in my copy as I am working hard in West Dulwich, confined to the house. Have you considered employing an au pair? DM

Mark! I have just got my hands on a copy of tonights South London Press - there is an entire two page spread dedicated to postcards of south east London and featuring you and your stunning postcard! I am now convinced that Tom Parnell is a full-time forumite!!! It makes you sound like the Lord Litchfield of SE22, I am so proud to know you guys, I shall rush off and give Batdog a shampoo, we are sure to have an influx of visitors! Well done!

Dear Mr SimonM, I shall be glad to sign it for you dear heart. Mark - what is the article about? It is just that it is blowing rain outside, and I don't want to send Ana to Tescos (she is knee deep in ironing) if the article is about dogging... DM

Slips hand from behind screen to graciously accept make- up. Waves to chums.

Thanks lovely Mr Ant - back to work...

Stands up and looks in full length mirror - notices that the Boire strip is still on nose. Pulls off white strip - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Hides behind screen for the rest of life...